The Sure Thing
by Maggie's Gutter
Summary: Edward Cullen has a date with destiny, and Bella Swan needs a ride home. Problem? These two can't stand each other. See what happens as they make the long trek from Dartmouth to Forks, while Edward is in hot pursuit of his Sure Thing.
1. Chapter 1

This story is told primarily from Edward's POV, but Bella's POV is thrown in from time to time. Stephenie Meyer inspired these characters...

**EPOV**

I sat impatiently and watched as the mass of my Molecular Physics class completely fucked up their finals. The cute red haired girl in front of me for some reason believed that if she hit the clear button on her TI-83 calculator enough that perhaps by osmosis she wouldn't be such a dumb fuck.

Well she was.

I stared at the clock.

Remind me to ask these assholes how they got into Dartmouth University in the first place. Did I not get the memo that this was a fucking clown college?

Come the fuck on!

"Alright everyone time is up; pass your exam packets and blue books forward, and have a great break."

The whole class grumbled while I jumped up and threw my test at the back of dumb fucks head. She was pissed for a second so I flashed her a smile and all was forgiven.

I am the man!

I burst out of the old stone building and into the crisp New Hampshire winter air. I was now officially on Christmas break, and free to head home to Forks and fuck the daylights out of Tanya Denali. Yippee!

Now Tanya Denali was not just any lay.

She was _the _lay.

The once in a lifetime, never have another like it lay.

She plays fucking strippers in music videos and has a tattoo on her ass!

Squee!

And I get to fuck her.

Well at least I hope I do…

My brother Emmett better not be shitting me, or my lifelong dream of fucking a hot chick in a music video will be shattered. Emmett is the starting quarterback at USC. Suffice it to say he gets a lot of chicks. And he doesn't get just _chicks_, but mad hot playboy material chicks. His current girlfriend Rosalie Hale is a prime example. No words can accurately describe her hotness. Calling her a leggy blonde with a tight body and a massive rack does her a great disservice. She is Claudia Schiffer meets Marilyn Monroe meets Britney Spears when she was still hot.

And Tanya Denali is her best friend.

Granted I've never actually seen Tanya or said music video, but Emmett swears she's just as hot as Rosalie and dying to meet me.

Glorious!

It may seem by the way I'm talking that I don't get a lot of play here at Dartmouth…and that is just not true. Chicks dig me; they always have. I have that Gucci model slash starving artist who just crawled out of bed thing going on, and I have always used it to my advantage. I pretty much have girls crawling all over me here.

But they are smart sophisticated Dartmouth girls, not fake tits Tanya Denali.

It's just a general rule of thumb that smart girls are less hot and less flexible than dumb girls. And while I've fucked my fair share of smart inflexible girls this semester, I'm ready for the real deal.

The sure thing.

My Volvo was parked on the east side of campus. I packed it ahead of time so that once finals ended I could get the fuck out of New Hampshire and home to Tanya as soon as possible.

I was skipping towards my car with a shit eating grin on my face when I heard her.

Bella Swan.

_What the FUCK does she want?_

"Edward! Please stop running I need to talk to you!" She screamed at me while chasing me across campus lugging a red leather suitcase. I considered ignoring her completely and getting in my car and driving away…but like a douche bag I stopped.

She was stumbling toward me; her face flushed and pink. It was always flushed. She was dressed like a hobo on Christmas, and appeared to have not brushed her hair in weeks…Typical Bella.

"Swan," I greeted her coldly.

"Cullen," she snapped back.

We stood in silence and glared at each other like only mortal enemies could. Well she wasn't technically my mortal enemy. I could give a shit what she does. But, I was certainly hers, so I played her game.

Apparently I stole her spot as Valedictorian in high school. To this day I don't know what kind of twisted logic she used to come to that conclusion, but needless to say her little reindeer sweater wearing ass hated me.

It's not my fault that she studied nine hours a day while I partied…I'm just smarter than she is. Fuck I'm smarter than practically everyone here at this prestigious Ivy league institution. My brain is a priceless treasure. I should get it fucking _insured_, not have little ass Bella Swan all up in my shit for "stealing" something that was rightfully mine.

"Well what the hell do you want Swan?" I asked to the top of her head; she was staring at her feet. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her little body. She was nervous.

_Oh this should be good._

"I need a ride to Forks," she answered in a huff, her big brown eyes rolling in her head.

"You need a ride…to Forks?" I asked skeptically. This chick hated me and she was asking to spend the next three days and nights alone with me in a car and motels?

Bella paused for a second and took a deep breath. It appeared as if she was trying to gain some composure before she attempted to strangle me. "Look…my plans for break fell through. And it costs over $775 to fly to Seattle over the holidays. I don't have $775. My father is going to put me on a Greyhound if I can't find another means of transportation. I could get raped, or stabbed, or lice on a Greyhound…so?"

I saw a hint of a tear beginning to form in her eyes. She was obviously not happy about this little conundrum she found herself in. I had two options for how I should proceed. Option one being laugh in her face and drive away. Option two? Drive the tacky little whiner home.

I looked back at her. She was shivering despite the ridiculous amount of clothing she was wearing. She always wore these sweaters that were hideous and huge and big puffy jackets that made her look twice her size. She had this ugly knit hat on that was sort of a faded plum color…and combat boots!

The truth of the matter is that Bella was probably the prettiest girl in my high school class, but no one ever noticed because she dressed like a militant grandmother, never brushed her hair, and walked around with a stick up her ass.

But she was crying and I was wasting valuable time standing there talking to her.

"Get in," I said with a sigh as I gestured toward the passenger door.

Bella rolled her eyes at me. "Thank you," she huffed. "I'll help pay for gas, and you just keep to yourself and leave me alone okay?" She said with _way_ too much attitude. Seriously, who does this girl think she is?

_Bitch!_

That was the thing about Bella. She was always just a bitch to me for no reason. I've decided that the Valedictorian thing is not a legitimate reason to hate me. She should be a graceful loser and get the fuck over it and not carry a grudge around.

I decided to shrug her off. She had always been an irrational brat; I didn't see that changing now. "My car, my rules," I said under my breath just loud enough for her to hear.

My gut was telling me that this was a really bad idea because Bella hated me and quite frankly she was not one of my favorite people. The only reason I agreed to driving her home was because if she did get raped, stabbed, or lice, I didn't want it on my conscience. I had big plans for break that didn't include limp dick because Bella Swan got raped on a Greyhound bus.

Once we were on the highway, the silence in the car was getting unbearable. Bella just sat with her arms crossed with the ever present stick up her ass and said nothing. When I agreed to driving her I wasn't sure exactly how the conversation would go between us, but I never figured that we wouldn't speak at all.

I decided to break the ice. Talking to her had to be better than awkward silence right?

"So how did your finals go?" I asked innocently, a completely safe and neutral question.

Bella laughed under her breath and turned her head to me. A wicked smile was on her face and I braced myself for the wrath. "Oh please Cullen. You are seriously going to try to make small talk with me?" Bella responded with a maniacal laugh.

I had always prided myself on being a confident person. I was never intimidated by anyone. But Bella was doing a good job.

"I'm pretty sure I aced all of mine," I said confidently, deciding to continue the conversation without her.

Whatever…

Again, she didn't respond. She just readjusted herself in her seat so she was sitting even farther away from me, shielding her face with her hair; which smelled really good by the way, despite the fact that it was a mess. She always smelled good, one of her few redeeming qualities. Most girls who dress like her smell like grease and stale patchouli. Bella smelled like fruit and flowers.

_Oh hell…_

"I'm sure you did great Bella. You are a very intelligent girl," I said to the back of her head, once again trying to get something resembling a conversation going. Three days! I had to do this for three days! Something had to give.

After a long pause, she muttered, "Thanks," in response.

Then it was silent again.

I decided not to bug her anymore. Something about me clearly rubbed her the wrong way and I was not the type of guy to work for a girls attention. I had Tanya Denali waiting for me at home. I could give a shit whether little Bella Swan liked me or not.

After about an hour of silence I was really fucking bored. Normally, if Bella Swan were not in my car, I would have sparked a joint and rocked out to Zeppelin at full volume. But alas, Bella _was_ in my car, and I was bored as hell. God knows if she had ever smoked pot, and I was not about to find out. She's the type of chick that would rat me out to the cops and then laugh about it. I wasn't about to test her.

So instead I silently pointed to my i-pod dock and nodded to Bella to pick what she wanted. She gave me a weak half smile and started scrolling through it.

She chose Neil Young. Not as cool as Zep mind you, but an overall solid choice. Good road music, nothing offensive, and a true classic.

Harvest Moon began playing and Bella seemed to relax a bit. Good old Neil had that affect on people. She almost looked peaceful staring out the window with the sun shining on her face, the stick removed slightly.

But I knew I couldn't trust it to last long, because she is bat shit crazy of course.

**AN- To be continued. I just wanted to give a taste. **

**This story was written in an attempt to clear some writers block I'm having with my other story. I needed something a little lighter and a lot less angsty than **_**The Boy in the Water**_**. Also, I wanted to do an EPOV, and I always love AH fics where Edward is a bit of a dick. He is, as you can see, lol. **

**Hope you enjoy. **


	2. Chapter 2

**The Sure Thing Chapter 2.**

After a few hours of awkward hell, I had to piss.

"Pit stop?" I asked Bella as nicely as I possibly could. I don't know why I was so hesitant to speak to her, but I was never sure how she would react. She looked so peaceful all balled up in her corner, and I didn't want to wake the sleeping lion.

"Your rules remember?" She grumbled from her cocoon.

Lion's awake…

I pulled into the service station and dropped Bella at the door.

"I'm going to get some gas. I'll meet you in there," I said as she stepped out.

She just rolled her eyes at me and walked into the plaza.

I should have taken option one and laughed at her and drove away. That was _clearly_ the better option.

After filling the tank and taking a much needed leak, I made my way into the service plaza and spotted Bella at the Sbarro pizza. She looked ridiculous in her reindeer sweater and combat boots. They were contradictory. Maybe she was trying to be ironic? Maybe her clothing was a statement about the war?

_Nah she's just clueless._

She turned around with her tray and spotted me staring at her. Her soft expression quickly turned sour.

I gave her a wave and a sweet smile. I was soooo not playing her game. I was clearly the better person in this little game of hers and I was going to make sure she fucking knew it.

I watched as Bella made her way over to a small table by the window. She didn't make eye contact with anyone and just kept her eyes glued to the floor. She was completely cold and unapproachable. The fat guy who farts a lot and always smells like onion rings in my Neuroscience lecture would have been a far better travelling companion. Of that, I was sure.

With a sigh, I got my pizza and made my way over to her table. It would have just been weird for me to sit alone. Or so I thought.

"Care if I join you?" I asked hesitantly. I was usually confident around girls, they normally found me charming. Not Bella.

Wordlessly she took her little leg and pushed the seat out in front of her and nodded for me to sit in it.

"Thanks," I said with a half smile as I sat down.

"Yep," she answered sharply, clearly annoyed by my mere existence on the planet.

Bella's head returned to her food.

We sat and ate in silence. Fucking Mannheim Steamroller was playing in the background. It was the most awkward lunch I had ever had in my 21 years. I needed to change that, or the next three days would be hell.

"So do you have any big plans for break?" I asked in that forced conversational tone, the one you use at your parents dinner parties.

She looked up at me and with bugged eyes, then nodded her head. "Nope," she answered in a low huff, blowing some air out of her cheeks, her eyes rolling slightly. "They fell through," she reminded me.

_Ok…_

Fuck she was hard to talk to.

"So what were they, if you don't mind me asking?" I proceeded. I figured I'd give this conversation thing one last shot.

She was looking at her pizza again, picking at it like a little bird. Mine was already gone.

"I was going to see my mom in Phoenix," she started. "But she's going to the Bahamas with her new boyfriend." Then she looked up at me, and her big brown eyes told me she was fucking pissed about her mom. I could tell.

"Sorry," I offered. Her mom was a bitch for doing that. I would blow off Bella too if I could, but ya know, it sucks to get blown off by your own mom. I know all about it.

"Sure you are," she came back at me with a mocking snap.

_Ugh…_

I let out a sigh, and cleared the rest of my soda, deciding then that I wasn't going to try to talk to her anymore. If she wanted to talk, she'd have to be the one making conversation.

I kept telling myself that I would just have to get through this, and then Tanya Denali could just fuck it right out of me. The pain I mean. Because, seriously, being with Bella was getting painful.

When I walked outside, it was fucking freezing and starting to snow.

I sparked up a cigarette and paced the length of the sidewalk, waiting for Bella to follow me out. She had to pee… again.

_Girls_.

I truly considered leaving her, but I've heard about a lot of stabbings and rapes that have occurred in highway service plazas. Again, I didn't want that shit on my conscience. I needed a clear head for my sessions with Tanya.

_I should start training or something…Get prepared._

After two cigarettes, Bella finally came out.

She just blew right past me with her head down and her hands in her pockets.

I watched her as she walked away, she must have tripped three times on the completely flat surface of the parking lot.

We got back into the car and the silence resumed.

Hell I tell you. Total hell.

A pit stop and about six hours of driving later, with little to no conversation, I was fucking exhausted. Bella was already asleep, and mumbling incoherent bull shit under her breath. I was dreading this part of the trip ever since she sat her little ass in the car. But there was no way to avoid it. I had to sleep.

I took a deep breath and put my hand on Bella's shoulder to shake her awake.

"Bella…Bella…wake up…Bella."

She woke up and looked confused for a moment, but quickly came to and straightened herself up; wiping the drool off her chin.

"Where are we?" She asked groggily.

"We're in Cleveland Ohio at a Motel 6," I answered.

Her eyes snapped shut, and she took a slow breath. "Wonderful," she said on the exhale. "Just wonderful."

She dragged her eyes away and went for her door handle. "What's the rate?" She asked into the door under her breath.

"$100 flat," I answered.

She paused. "I can't," she started to say, but I cut her off.

"I know," I answered knowing where this was going. She was broke. That's why we were in this mess in the first place. I should have just bought her the damn plane ticket. But $1400 round trip was steep, even for me. "They have double beds," I finished, pushing my door open.

We needed to just get on with it. I was fucking tired, and the quicker I was unconscious, the better.

Bella's face got predictably red as she gathered her things and exited the car.

Road wary, we slowly made our way into the fluorescent lit lobby. Bella's hair was sticking out in about thirty different directions. But then again, so was mine.

"What can I do for you folks?" A chipper elderly man at the desk asked.

I swallowed…hard. "Uh we need a room…two double beds if you have one?" I asked nervously.

The man looked over at Bella and then back to me curiously.

"Well, the best I can do is one king size bed. We don't have any double rooms available," he said apologetically. At least I thought he was being apologetic until he fucking winked at me.

I heard Bella gasp behind me. And then as if from nowhere, she broke out into hysterical laughter.

No joke she was laughing like a fucking hyena.

I looked at her curiously, not exactly sure what was so fucking funny. "Something funny?" I asked her sharply. Because from where I was standing, nothing about this was funny.

She was laughing so hard that it took her a second to regain enough composure to speak.

"Sorry. I laugh when I'm nervous or uncomfortable," she said regretfully as she was trying to hold back the next round of hysterics. For a moment there, it almost looked like she smiled at me.

That was new. I kinda liked it. She has nice teeth.

"So do you kids want the room or not?" The old man interrupted.

I looked to Bella who was bent over in hysterics again.

"Yeah we'll take it," I answered. I was far too exhausted to find a new motel, and Bella was far too broke to pay for her own room.

"Come on Bella let's go," I said as I grabbed for my stuff.

She was still laughing like an idiot. However I much preferred her to silent bitch Bella. This Bella was almost funny. Fucking _crazy_. But funny.

We walked back outside and up the iron steps to the second level. I hesitated a bit at the door. I had never in my life been so nervous to be alone with a girl. Probably because this particular girl hated my guts and might castrate me in my sleep…

Or worse, put Nair in my shampoo.

_Tanya probably wouldn't like me if I was hairless and dickless. I better check the room for knives and depilatory creams just in case…_I thought to myself as I slid the key and pushed the door open, tying to tune out the laughing monkey behind me.

_Here goes nothing. _

**AN- I don't have one. Just have a nice Saturday, and hope you enjoyed! **


	3. Chapter 3

**The Sure Thing Chapter 3. **

As soon as we were in the room, Bella made a b-line for the shower. She didn't even ask if I needed to piss first. She just ran in there with all her stuff, and locked the door behind her, laughing like a hyena.

I did have to piss.

_Fucking bitch_

I wasn't going to take my chances that she'd make it out of there in the next century, so I grabbed the room key from the table and went back out, looking for a pot to piss in…literally.

I found one. It was once probably a palm tree of some sort. Now it was just a big pot filled with dirt and ice, dead fronds and cigarette butts.

"That'll work," I shrugged, and I undid my zipper.

When my bladder was empty, I leaned back against the iron railing, and sparked a cigarette. I needed to clear my head. My awesome road trip, where all I would do was smoke j's and listen to music by day, and pick up girls in dive bars by night…was officially ruined. Bella Swan fucking ruined it.

I kept telling myself that she could ruin my road trip, sure, but I wasn't going to let her ruin my whole break.

No way.

So, I grabbed for my phone from my leather jacket. I wanted to check the status on Tanya Denali. Tanya Denali was soon becoming the light at the end of the tunnel. The prize at the bottom of the box. The surgically enhanced tattooed slutty girl that would put an end to my misery.

She would be my saving grace. If only I could just get to her.

_Ring…ring…ring_

_Hello?_

Hey Em, it's Edward.

_Eddie! My man, what's up? How's the trip?_

Fucking terrible…You'll never guess who asked me for a ride home.

_Who?_

Swan

_Yikes…_

Yep.

_Hey man it could be worse…I always thought she was kinda hot._

No, she's an insane bitch... Anyway, speaking of hot, what's the latest on Tanya Denali? Have you heard from her?

_(Laughter) No worries my brother you are golden. Rosie showed her some pictures of you, and let's just say she liked what she saw_

Yeah?

_Yeah. And word on the street is that she has just signed on to do a strip workout video with Carmen Elektra._

Carmen Elektra? Nice.

_Yep…she's that hot man I'm telling you. Get some sleep bro, you're going to need all your energy._

Will do, night Em.

_Night brotha. _

With a heavy sigh, I decided to go back inside. It was fucking freezing, and I needed to get some sleep.

I decided to knock…just in case.

_Knock…knock…_

Bella opened the door in not nearly enough clothing for my penis's comfort, and immediately held a finger up to me to be quiet. A phone was resting in the cradle of her shoulder, and there were definitely tears in her eyes.

_Fuck. _

I made a gesture asking her if she needed me to stay outside, while trying very hard not to check out her very unexpectedly sweet ass, but she waved me in. She actually grabbed my arm and pulled me in. She touched me, voluntarily, if we are being specific. It felt like a small victory. She must not actually think I have cooties.

I went to the bed and just sat like a soldier on the corner while she finished up her call.

I kept my eyes to the floor though because Bella Swan was about the last person I expected to see in green booty shorts that had Dartmouth written on the ass. Sure, every single girl on campus owned at least four pairs, but I was sure Bella wasn't one of them.

I was wrong…so wrong.

I tried not to listen to her conversation, but the harder I tried, the more I listened.

"Dad, I told you, I didn't _want_ to go," she cried into the phone. Now, all I could see were her tiny feet…and her slender calves…and her shapely knees…

_Stop! _

I had to get out of there, but I was afraid to move. I was afraid of doing anything wrong as far as Bella Swan was concerned. She scared the shit out of me.

"She called you?" She was full on crying at this point. I gathered the conversation was with her dad, about her mom, who blew her off. Seems the mom was trying to reach Bella through her father.

_Rookie move mommy dearest…_

"Well mom can go to hell dad! I don't want to talk to her!"

Strong conviction. Just enough tears to make her seem serious, but not devastated. Good overall, but I would add the word fuck in there somewhere. That always rattles the parents.

"Tell her no fucking way!"

There you go Bella. Good girl.

She must have caught me listening, because her feet turned sharply toward me. "Dad, I have to go," she said rather bluntly as she hung up the phone.

I was afraid to lift my head. There was a really awkward silence starting, and Bella was just standing there, and I could _not_ take my eyes off of her legs as hard as I tried. They were fucking fantastic legs.

Then Bella sniffled, and I raised my head just enough to look at her. Her hands were over her eyes, and her long hair was covering her face. I don't think she caught me ogling her.

_Thank GOD. _

On instinct, I grabbed for my red paisley handkerchief in my pocket and held it out to her.

Her little white hand came into my peripheral vision, both of us avoiding eye contact, and took it.

"Thanks," she sniffed.

"Sure," I muttered just barely over whisper.

She got close enough that I could smell her. She smelled awesome, and I was fucked. I was fucked because I really wanted to talk to her in that moment. I really wanted to tell her how much I understood what she was going through. And I really wanted to give her ass a nice squeeze.

She _was_ kinda hot…Emmett was right.

_Damn._

But before I could say anything, Bella spoke first. "Do me a favor Edward, and stop being so nice to me?" She asked sort of angrily, sort of desperately, as her feet padded to the other end of the room. Then I felt the bed move, and her body climb in.

Soon her light went off, and the room was dark.

I sat there for a second…stunned. I didn't know what to make of it? Why couldn't I be nice to her? And why did she insist on being such a rotten bitch to me?

It seemed the perfect moment to confront her. She had just laid out the gauntlet. But, she had just been crying too. I didn't want to make it worse.

So, I kicked off my shoes, and pushed myself up onto the bed a little bit. I folded my arms under my head and closed my eyes.

I was unconscious in no time. It was a long fucking day.

**AN- This will be my shortest chapter by far. I just started writing this morning, and thought I'd leave some Super Bowl love. Hope you enjoyed! **


	4. Chapter 4

The Sure Thing Chapter 4.

**EPOV **

I woke to the sound of a door slamming.

_The fuck? _

The room was bright, and decorated like my Aunt Cathy's vest collection.

Quickly I realized it was a motel bed… in Cleveland.

_Right…_

My neck fucking hurt when I looked behind me. "Swan?" I rasped through my morning fog. "Are you here?" But she wasn't in the bed anymore. The bed was made, and I was just lying in a ball on the bottom right hand corner, fully clothed like a douche.

_Did she bail? Could I be so lucky? _

I looked around. There was no noise coming from the bathroom, and no lights on, but her stuff was still strewn throughout the room.

I scratched my head, then my balls, and headed to the window to see if she was outside. I couldn't see her, so I grabbed for my cigarettes and headed out.

The morning was cold and sunny, and the lingering snow from the day before had stopped. It was one of those mornings where you're up a lot earlier than usual, where the sun is shining and the big trucks are blaring down the freeway, and the cigarette in your mouth tastes like sex.

It was a good morning.

That is until I heard her laughing.

She was coming from the downstairs lobby dressed like she had raided the Goodwill, with a paper coffee cup in her hand. She was laughing with some business traveler type in a tweed overcoat and plaid scarf. She looked friendly and sweet, and this business dude looked like he was enjoying her company.

I didn't even venture to guess what they were talking about or if she got _me_ any coffee. She didn't. She only had one fucking cup in her hand. And her laughter soon became like nails on the proverbial chalkboard.

It felt great though because I was fucking over any hint of sympathy or attraction I might have felt for her the night before. Because, bitch _please_? I'm driving you across the country and paying for your room, and you can't come back with a cup of coffee for me?

Fucking rude is what it is.

When she was almost to the stairs, I threw my cigarette over the ledge and busted it to the bathroom before she could see me. I wasn't taking any chances of being locked out of the bathroom again with a full fucking bladder and 24 hours worth of stink on me.

When I came out in my towel, all clean and smelling fucking good from Bella's shower stuff, I nodded to her. She was sitting on the bed with her arms crossed, staring into fucking space. "Thanks for the coffee," I deadpanned coolly, raising an eyebrow at her.

She looked over, and her eyes showed me that the fact I was in a towel didn't escape her. She turned away quickly with a small blush on her cheek and looked at her phone. "I didn't get you any coffee," she answered in an annoyed sigh.

I had to laugh. "I know," I sniggered, grabbing for my duffel.

_Fucking unbelievable._

We didn't talk as we packed up. We just kept out of each other's way, and made it down by 8am.

I got my own coffee.

When we were to the car, Bella was struggling getting her suitcase into the trunk. She was banging it against my bumper. I had to step in. "Here, let me help you with that," I said grabbing for her bag.

She yanked it away, "I got it," she hissed.

I pulled back. "Just let me help you," I insisted again, a little more urgently. I didn't want her to fuck around with my car.

She pulled back on the bag even harder. "I thought I asked you to stop being nice to me Edward," she whined, yanking it cleanly out of my hands, stuffing it into the trunk.

_Ahhh! She's such a bitch! _

I realized in that moment that blood pressure existed, because I could feel mine going up. I took a deep breath, and tried to clear the rage from my thoughts. "Ok…" I breathed slowly. "Sorry. I'll just wait for you in the car then."

She stood silently for a moment. "Don't apologize," she finally whispered behind me.

I turned to her. "I can't say I'm sorry?" I asked. Because seriously, what the fuck?

Her head was down, and she was doing that protective arm wrap thing again. "Can we just go?" She griped, twisting her boot into the pavement. "I don't want to argue with you."

Oh that's rich. "Who's arguing?" I snapped back at her. This was fucking moronic. "I asked to help you with your bag Bella."

She started toward the passenger door in a huff. "And _I _asked you not to."

"And _I_ need to know why that is?" I finally said, getting the balls to confront this witch. I grabbed her shoulder, and turned her toward me. She didn't like it. Her eyes were bugged and raging.

_Oh hell. Here it goes. _

"Why? Why can't I be nice to you?" I barked, dropping my hand from her shoulder, but stepping closer into her space.

She backed up, and her posture stiffened. "Just don't!" She cried. She looked scared.

_Oh fuck. _

Quickly, I backed away out of her space. I didn't want to scare her. She was just a little wisp of a girl. And she didn't really know me, and obviously didn't trust me. I didn't want to scare her…

"Sorry," I sighed.

Now, she laughed. "Don't apologize!" She whined again, this time a little more as a joke, and not a command.

I laughed too. Damn we were dysfunctional. "But why?" I begged. Really, I wanted to know.

She was silent. I stepped closer. "Because if I'm nice to you, you can't keep hating me? Is that it?" I asked, turning a curious eye toward her. Then her cheeks blushed and her head dropped.

_Bingo!_

"That is it, isn't it? I'm not allowed to be nice to you, because you want to keep hating me for some God forsaken reason?"

Maybe it was something in my tone, but she didn't like that second part. She raised her head to me, and the rage was back. I could _see_ the tension in her hands, in her arms, in her shoulders, in her face. Rage…pure rage.

"Ugh!" She finally cried, whipping the car door open and throwing herself inside.

I grabbed the door before she could slam it, and wedged myself between it. This was it, I was going to confront her, and she was just going to have to fucking take it. "Don't do that!" I cried. "Don't ugh at me and roll your eyes and blow me off. Just fucking _tell _me what I did to you? I can handle it!"

I just stared down at her, and she looked like she was going to wig out, but I just held my ground.

Finally she composed herself enough to look at me. She raised her eyes, and her teeth were sort of clenched. "You have no clue how big of an ass you are do you?" She seethed, fucking scaring me with her tone.

I thought about what she said for like 2 seconds. Because WHAT THE FUCK?

I clenched my jaw right back at her, and hunched down closer, really invading her space. "I've rolled over and let you treat me like shit for the past 20 hours! Driving you and paying your way, and _I'm_ the ass? No, that's bullshit. I've been a fucking saint. And you're an ungrateful little…"

She straightened up, glaring right back at me."Little what?" She hissed, raising her voice more."Bitch?" She finished with a snarl. Now she was trying to get out of the car, and kicking her boot into my leg. If I didn't move she was going to kick me in the nuts.

I moved.

When she was out, her arms were crossed and her eyebrow was raised, and the word bitch was hanging in the air. She was the aggressor now, and damn if she didn't scare me a little.

I dropped my head as I stepped back, holding my arms out to keep her at bay. "I would never call you that to your face," I warned. "But Bella…" I tried to come up with some sort of comeback but she cut me off.

"But you're thinking it?" She pressed, like I wasn't supposed to be. But I quickly snapped to and realized, it's _exactly_ what I should be thinking. She was a fucking nightmare!

"Fuck yes I'm thinking it!" I cried back. "Are you fucking kidding me right now?"

Then there was a silence between us and it looked like every vein in Bella's face was going to explode, and I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, and I wanted to fucking leave her ass in the snow and make her cry and I wanted to tell her how fucking ugly her outfit was, because Goddamn it was ugly…

But I couldn't, because the old man from the front desk was running towards us. Because, fuck, Bella and I were partaking in WWIII in a motel parking lot.

"Shit," I hissed under my breath.

Bella just looked more pissed at me if that was possible.

When he got to us, we both looked at him. "Is there a problem out here kids?" He asked a little breathless.

"No sir," we answered back in timid unison.

"Well then I suggest you move along, before I call the Sheriff," he said, giving us both thoughtful glances.

Then he looked more closely at Bella. "You sure you ok sweetheart?" He asked her like_ she_ was somehow the victim here.

_Fucking figures. _

I shot her a look that made her wince. This was her fault, and she knew it, and now I was the one looking like an asshole to the nice man from the motel.

With what appeared to be a little remorse, she gained her composure and smiled at him. "I'm fine sir, we've just had a long trip. We're very sorry," she finished, addressing him like a warm rational human being.

He nodded. "Ok then I suggest you kids hit the road," he replied kindly, giving us both a wink. "I don't want any more trouble."

"Yes sir," we agreed.

We watched as he walked away, both of us too frozen and too embarrassed to speak apparently…or move.

Once he was inside, Bella spoke first. "Look, this is my fault. I was desperate for a ride home. If I could take it back and get on that bus, I would," she whispered, sounding sort of exhausted, sort of defeated, sort of sorry even.

I didn't love the idea of putting her on a bus. By taking her this far I already felt sort of responsible for her. And yeah, I couldn't stand her and badly wanted her out of my fucking hair. But still…

In the end though, I decided that it was probably the right move. We couldn't keep things going the way they were. One of us, probably me, was going to end up dead.

So I agreed. "I'll take you to the bus station," I nodded to her, with the same sort of defeat in my voice.

"I think that's probably for the best," she nodded back.

"Probably," I sighed in response, but really unsatisfied. I never got my answer. She never told me what the fuck I did to her. And if I put her on that bus, I might never know.

And that bothered me.

"Ready?" She asked, and her brown eyes seemed a little softer now.

For a moment I entertained the idea of asking her to stay.

But then her head sort of jutted out with impatience, waiting for my response, eyes bulging, eyebrows raised, feet tapping.

"Ready," I agreed with a laugh.

_Fucking psycho. _

**AN- Back to the bus for Bella? Or will these crazy kids figure out this nightmare? I promise whatever it is that makes Bella think Edward is Satan's love spawn, will be revealed. Soon. Stay tuned, and have a lovely rest of the week. I'll update either Sunday or Monday. **


	5. Chapter 5

**The Sure Thing Chapter 5**

**EPOV**

Bella got in line for the westward bound busses, while I sat on a dirty blue bench and waited. I was going to put her ass on that damn bus, a fact that we argued over the entire way.

I couldn't help feeling responsible for her ya know? My dad didn't raise me to just dump her off in the middle of a strange city, trusting that she knew what the fuck she was doing. I needed to see the ticket, see the itinerary, see her sitting in one of those seats, or I wasn't leaving.

"Heading West?" I heard the attendant ask her.

"Seattle?" She replied.

"Well, that would be the nine o'clock to Chicago. Should be about fifteen minutes yet," the attendant said, handing her a ticket.

"Thank you."

Bella took the ticket and itinerary and came toward me. "My bus leaves in fifteen minutes, it transfers in Chicago at…" She checked her itinerary, "4pm central. You should go Edward, you're losing time," she said, showing a tiny speck of concern for me.

_Suddenly she cares if I make good time?_ _Wonderful…_

I let out a small laugh. "Thanks for your concern Bella, but I'll stay until your bus gets here," I said coolly, putting my foot down once and for all on the matter. I wasn't leaving until that bus drove away damn it.

"Fine," she huffed and sat next to me, her puffy red jacket touching my leg ever so slightly.

She jerked away.

Then the silence resumed, and Bella's boot was the only noise coming from either one of us. It was tapping against her bench leg feverishly, like her body was just one big ball of nervous energy.

See, Bella wasn't that typical cool as a cucumber calculating scheming bitch that you see on TV. She was nervous, and frazzled, and teary eyed, and had weird fits of laughter in inappropriate moments. Her bitch behavior almost seemed artificial…like it wasn't really her at all.

Our silence was finally broken by the station agent, calling for Bella's bus to board. "Nine o'clock to Chicago now boarding! Nine o'clock to Chicago!"

She stood quickly and looked down at me. "Well. Bye Edward," was all she said as she grabbed her red bag and turned on her heel.

I followed her out into the breezy causeway, and watched as she boarded the bus. When she found a seat, she looked out at me with a blank expression. I couldn't read it. When the bus's engine roared to life, her head turned down, and she avoided further eye contact with me altogether.

"Bye Bella," I whispered turning my head down as well. I couldn't even look at her anymore, because I realized she hadn't even thanked me for my trouble. "You're welcome." I sighed, turning my back to the bus.

But before I could even be mad, before I could even get the nerve to turn around and say, "Fuck you Bella Swan!" She was gone…

The bus drove away.

So I just stood there a moment, scratching my head, and blinking my eyes, and shifting my feet. I was so uneasy, so unsatisfied, so fucking clueless about what had just happened. A girl, a pretty one at that, had just ditched me in a Cleveland bus station, and I didn't even invite her to come along in the first place.

It was all so fucking bizarre.

When I got to my car, I reached for my phone that was sitting in the cup holder. There was a text and a photo link in my box from Emmett…

_Edward: Told Tanya you were bumming. _

_She sent me something to cheer you up._

_Enjoy Brother!_

In my inbox were six pictures of Tanya's tits. Massive, artificial, glorious tits; sent for the sole purpose of cheering me up. I knew this because written in Sharpie across them was the very simple question, "**FEEL BETTER?" **

_Um, Yes?_

Yes, yes, they did make me feel better. Because for a short moment, while staring at her massive mounds, I remembered that I had a life before that _didn't_ involve Bella Swan.

Tanya sort of exemplified everything that my life had been about lately: easy, fun, minimum work for maximum output— Hell she showed me her tits, and I didn't even have to buy her dinner first.

But Bella Swan took so much work and there wasn't _any_ output. Everything I tried just seemed to make it worse. Being nice to her was completely pointless. And frankly, I was beginning to wonder why I cared so fucking much? Why I wanted to be nice to her at all? She was a little bitch after all who dressed like she shopped in a dumpster.

But, inside, I knew why I cared.

She didn't like me. And that was just plain against the order of the universe. Bella was like the exception to this fucking set in stone rule, that until yesterday, I never questioned.

Girls love Edward Cullen. That is the rule.

Who the fuck does she think she is breaking it without my permission anyway? She didn't even give me a chance to win her over. She just foiled my attempts at befriending her at every turn.

_Who the fuck tells someone not to apologize? _

Because, shit, I barely knew Bella, and in 24 hours she became like this presence in my life. This dark, gnawing, torturous presence of evil and magnificent bitchery. She could turn any mundane task like fetching coffee into this brilliant show of profound spite.

And I didn't understand it? I didn't understand why she wanted to be so fucking cruel to me?

I drove out of the bus station feeling like shit. My last cigarette broke in my hands and my neck still fucking hurt from sleeping on it funny, and my hair looked really bad in the mirror, and my new boots were not properly waterproofed and my socks felt wet, and it was like everything that could go wrong did!

_Fuck! _

"Fuck you Bella Swan!" I finally had the courage to scream in the safety and solitude of my car. "Fuck…You!"

It felt great; cathartic even. But it wasn't enough. Nothing seemed to be enough.

So as I got on the road, and started down the Interstate, I realized that I wasn't going to sleep until I found out what Bella's fucking problem with me was.

I _needed_ to know.

I needed to know because my goddamn life felt out of balance. Even Tanya's tits seemed less enjoyable than they should have. Aw, hell, my dick barely even moved! Tits like those should have pitched a tent so epic, that I could direct traffic with my pants!

Shit was not right, and I needed to fucking fix it so that at the very least I could get my dick up for Tanya Denali.

So, I was going to go to Chicago, and I was going to confront Bella once and for all. I knew I was asking for a beating. I knew that my ego might not make it out of Chicago alive. But if I was ever going to fuck Tanya Denali properly, I needed to clear things up with Bella Swan first.

My very sex life depended on it.

I got to Chicago a good hour earlier than the bus was expected to arrive. I drove like a maniac, and the bus had some stops scheduled along the way.

I ended up finding a bar within walking distance of the station. I just wanted one beer. One beer to take the edge off.

I parked myself at the bar. It was just me and the regular cast of alcoholics you see in bars in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday. Just a sad crew of losers, with downtrodden expressions, and red noses...

I felt like we were kindred spirits, and the melancholy country song in the background was like the soundtrack to our lives.

_If only I had the nerve to set fire to her daddy's barn? _

"You look troubled son?" The bartender asked me as he came up and slipped a napkin in front of me, putting a shot of whiskey down, without even asking me.

I took it.

"You could say that," I nodded, letting the liquor burn down my throat.

He poured another. "Is it a girl? Did she break your heart?" He asked, wiping the bar in front of me, sincerity in his eyes.

I laughed and took the next shot. "Not exactly," I croaked as the liquor took my breath a little. "More like broke my balls."

The bartender nodded in understanding. "Well, I always say that the ones that are worth the trouble are always a bit of a challenge. They don't make it easy for you, that's for sure," he said, and I could tell he had seen a few sad cases before, his advice came easy and quick. Too bad his advice was wrong.

"It's not like that," I sighed. "It's complicated."

The bartender laughed. "They're all complicated son," he said, pouring me yet another shot. "So tell me, did she cheat on you? That's the one that usually gets the men lined up in here."

I took the third shot, and it went down easy. "No. We were never involved." I said, wiping my mouth with my sleeve. "Just travel companions for less than a day. We barely know each other. I haven't spoken to her since high school really. Apparently she hates me, and we fought the whole time," I shrugged, slamming the shot glass down, feeling talkative suddenly.

The bartender looked confused by my tale. "Never involved huh?" he asked, holding the bottle up, and I accepted his offer.

"Look, I told you it was complicated," I said, choking back the fourth shot, telling him with my eyes that I didn't understand it either

"Seems that way," he sighed, scratching his head. I had stumped him. "So where is she now?" he asked, a bit confused it seemed.

"I put her on a bus in Cleveland," I said rather bluntly. "We were not getting along." The booze had me very indifferent toward the situation all of a sudden, almost giving me some perspective. We weren't getting along. Simple, drop it Edward, and go home. Not everyone has to like you.

"So what's her name?" The bartender asked, breaking my train of thought.

"Uh, Bella," I answered.

"Well is she?" The bartender asked.

"Is she what?"

"Bella? That means beautiful in Italian," he winked.

I thought it over a second. Was Bella beautiful? "Yeah," I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, she really is."

The bartender threw his head back with a laugh. "I thought she might be," he said softly to himself, "I thought she might be…"

He had the wrong idea. I wasn't into Bella. I just needed to talk to her again, clear some stuff up…that's all.

_Was that all? _

Flustered, I looked at the clock. "Is that correct?" I asked.

The bartender looked behind him. "Yes, it's 3:55, why?" He said, holding the bottle up.

I waved it off. "Oh shit, I have to go," I said, pulling a twenty from my wallet and throwing it on the bar.

The bartender called after me. "Go where?" He asked, seeming a bit confused.

I held my hands behind my head nervously. "Confront Bella," I said, hoping he'd catch on.

He didn't. "I thought you left her in Cleveland!" He cried with a laugh, as I was almost to the door.

I turned around. "I did. And now I'm confronting her in Chicago," I shrugged, then pushed the door open.

"Oh I don't like the sound of this…" I heard the bartender say as the door slowly closed and I stumbled into the street. "I don't like the sound of this at all."

**AN- To be continued very soon, this chapter and the next are companions. Leave a review of your thoughts so far if you're so inclined. I know it's slow moving, but answers will come in time. I think you'll like where I'm heading. Stay tuned. **


	6. Chapter 6

**The Sure Thing Chapter 6.**

**EPOV**

The bus was late, and the pack of cigarettes I had bought earlier in the morning was being burned through like a beach house in fucking Malibu. I was pacing the length of the sidewalk, regretting the four shots of whiskey I had just downed. I couldn't get my fucking thoughts straight. I just couldn't come up with that perfect first line, that just right salutation so that Bella didn't think I was an absolute fucking psycho for following her to Chicago.

And before I could completely freak the fuck out and bail altogether, the bus bellowed past me, blowing stinking exhaust into my face.

She was on that bus. And if she hadn't fucking seen me already, it wouldn't be long. I tried to find a dark corner to hide in, but there weren't any. My last minute decision, because I was fucking out of ideas and too drunk to come up with any, was to play it cool, act nonchalant, let the chips fall…all while inwardly kicking myself in the nuts for being so fucking weak and showing up drunk…showing up at all…

She made me feel like such a pussy.

It wasn't long before I heard her loud clomping footsteps and the wheels of her tacky red suitcase coming toward me. I put my eyes anywhere but in her direction as the steps came closer and her big red puffer jacket came into my peripheral vision. "What the _fuck_?" She spat angrily at me. Boots and crossed arms and brown hair and red were all I could see. "What the fuck are you doing here Edward?"

I was too chicken shit to even look at her, and I felt like a douche trying to be all cool against the wall. And by saying nothing I was just letting the fucking embarrassing pain of it all drag on and build.

_Man up you fucking pussy! _

"Oh hey Bella," I said with fake astonishment, as if she had caught me by surprise or something, like it wasn't completely obvious that I _wasn't_ supposed to be there…

I sounded like an asshole, and hearing myself out loud, I sounded really drunk.

But I decided to slog on, I had nothing to lose anymore, any fucking dignity I once had was gone. "Come take a walk with me?" I asked in a slur, grabbing for her arm, initiating physical contact with her which was something I would have never done sober.

Not surprisingly, she yanked her arm away, and her brown eyes found mine for the first time, searing into me with judgment as her nose sniffed my breath. "Are you _drunk_?" She spat, her voice raising an octave on the word drunk, like it was equivalent to the plague.

_Oh fuck off Bella, seriously. _

"Yep," I nodded proudly. "Yes, yes I am."

"Then no," she hissed with a stone face. "No I will not take a walk with you." Clutching her suitcase handle, she put her head down and tried to blow past me…

So I grabbed her.

"Not so fast Swan," I said as I gripped her arm and yanked her back toward me, pulling her tiny warm body into my grasp.

Her body was soon encased in my arms, and her face was mere inches from mine. I could smell her shampoo, and her long hair was tickling my fingers, and I could feel her breath on my neck as she gasped in and out. She was tiny, and my hands fit like cuffs over her puffy down covered arms. It was the first time I felt like I had the upper hand on her. I had the power. She was stuck in my clutches.

After a short beat, she looked up at me slowly. "Let go," she hissed through clenched teeth, her brown eyes pleading, but her body curiously not pulling away from me.

I just stared down at her, feeling a bit more like myself having some fucking control in the situation, a smile pulling from the corner of my mouth. "No," I whispered, raising an eyebrow as she looked up at me. "I came here for answers."

Bella's eyes snapped shut and she looked down. "I said let go."

"Not until you give me my answers."

She drew in a deep breath and her body became a bit shaky. I kept my eyes on her. "Let go of me or I'll scream Edward," she croaked low in her throat, a small quiver in her breath. When she looked up at me, there were big fat tears in her eyes.

_Fuck_

I pushed her away. "Bella, I'm…"

She wiped her eyes and grabbed for her suitcase again. "Don't!" She cried. "Don't apologize!"

She started running with her suitcase bouncing and scraping behind her.

I followed her. "Bella wait!"

"Damn it Edward!" She screamed as I followed.

I caught up to her and was hesitant to touch her, but I had to. I grabbed the tail of her coat, and stopped her. "Just tell me what I fucking did to you?" I whispered behind her seriously, holding tightly to her jacket, trying to get my head on straight because shit was getting real and the whiskey wasn't helping.

Bella was breathing heavily, and she was shaking with little gasping cries. "You're not going to let this go are you?

"No."

"I wasn't expecting you to care at all," she whined. "I wasn't expecting you to even notice."

"Notice what?" I asked. Because for real, what was I supposed to notice?

Bella turned around, red eyed and quivering. "That I…"

I finished for her. "Hate me? Because yeah, I fucking noticed," I spat sort of bitterly into her sad face, because I was still angry with her. And just because she was the one crying, didn't mean she was the only one that was sad. I was sad too. She made it that way.

Bella pressed her fingers into her temples and breathed in and out, seemingly searching for something to say. Then her teary eyes focused on mine. "I don't _hate_ you Edward," she said slowly, tears spilling onto her cheeks, a twinge of regret in her tone. Then her hands went to her face and covered it. "God this is so embarrassing," she cried through the muffle of her hands, scrubbing at her face in seeming frustration.

I just stood there and stared, totally confused by what she just said. So I just nodded. "Ok?" signaling for her to continue. I had no clue what could be so fucking embarrassing?

As if totally defeated, Bella stomped her feet a little bit and let out a frustrated moan. After ripping at her hair, and grabbing her nose for a moment, she gestured for us to sit down. There was a bench nearby. We went to it.

Bella took her time, and after a short amount of contemplation, began to speak. "Junior year, you were supposed to give me a ride home from school after we worked on our biology project. But you never even showed up," she said sort of flatly, her eyes focused on her hands.

I was rigid on the bench, not sure where the conversation was headed. Junior bio wasn't exactly ringing many bells. "Go on," I whispered, pressing her to continue.

She gulped audibly and nodded. "You remember Phil Dwyer?" She asked.

"My old baseball coach?"

"Yeah," she sighed.

"So what about him?" I pressed, still fucking confused.

Her head sunk closer to her hands. "He married my mom," she whispered sadly, sucking back another round of tears.

I was getting a bit uncomfortable, afraid of what was fucking coming next, but I continued to press her forward. "Sorry?" I questioned with a shrug, not offering her a lot of sympathy. "Bella, what does that have to do with me?" My tone was a bit harsh considering she was crying, but I needed to keep her talking.

"That day," she continued. "I went looking for you to work on the project, and I saw you fooling around with Lauren Mallory under the bleachers. I was too embarrassed to bug you, so I called my mom for a ride home. She met Phil that day. She left my dad for him a few months later," Bella was just sobbing now, and I was about to barf. Because fuck Bella seriously?

I was drunk, and the entire bus station was spinning and whirring around me. But through my intoxication, I was able to decipher that Bella had just blamed _me_ for her parent's divorce.

_Me!_

I had to move, to stand up, so I walked over to a newspaper machine and leaned against it. It wasn't very sturdy, so I moved to a telephone pole…which had nails in it. So I moved back to the bench and stood over Bella.

I looked down at her, my face hotter than hell, and my heart just fucking racing. "Bella, are you blaming me for your parent's divorce?" I eked out in a fucking flustered stutter, the sound of my heart thumping in my ears. I was going to freak out on her if she didn't start explaining, because that is some fucked up shit to blame on someone!

Bella wouldn't even look at me, she was sobbing into her hands, and her body was just starting to really shake. Normally I would try to comfort a crying girl, but she was on her own, because I could barely even fucking look at her. She had a lot of fucking nerve, and frankly I had my answers, and I wanted to leave.

_I should leave. Fuck her. _

"You know what?" I said in a spit, still staring at the top of her bawling head, "I'm out of here," I hissed, nodding approval to myself, grabbing for my keys in my pocket, and turning toward my car.

Then Bella gasped behind me. "Y…you…ca…can't drive," she yelped through her sobs, "Ya..you're..to..too.. drunk Edward!"

_Fuck…that's true…_

I froze where I stood. It was all too fucking strange and complicated for me. Just one day earlier, I was gleefully skipping to my car in anticipation of fucking a music video slut, and now I was drunkenly fighting with a chick that I barely even knew at a bus station in Chicago. It was so fucking dysfunctional, and personal, and more intense than any interaction I had ever had with a chick…ever. And I couldn't help but think of the bartender, and what he said about girls that matter. Did Bella matter? Or was I just too fucking egotistical and up my own ass to let this shit go without a fight?

Whatever the reason, I turned around.

She was looking at me, and she looked all fucking concerned and scared and her eyes were just bloodshot and swollen and kind of beautiful, and I knew I couldn't leave…I had to work this out with her somehow. Because for whatever reason; it mattered.

I went back to the bench and sat beside her.

I waited for her sobs to mellow into whimpers, and then turned to her. "So you think your parents split up because of me?"

Bella let out a sigh. "No, I think my mom met Phil because of you."

"How is that different?" I asked coolly, trying not to overreact, even though I wanted to.

Bella slid down in the bench a little, and her head fell onto the back, like she was looking at the sky.

"I just look back on that day, and I wonder how it could have gone differently ya know? If you had just given me a ride home like you promised, Phil would have moved to Phoenix like he planned, and my mom would still be at home with my dad." Her voice was distant and dreamy even, but so so sad.

And she thought part of her sadness was my fault? That was bullshit.

"That's a shitty thing to put on someone Bella," I said angrily, because really it's the only thing I was thinking.

Bella turned to me, and there was a desperate look in her eye. "It's like the only way I can rationalize not hating my mom Edward. Because I really fucking hate my mom right now, and blaming you is just easier I guess." I think she wanted my sympathy, but after everything that had happened, I wasn't feeling like giving it to her.

"I was 17, and you know that blaming me is bullshit right?"

Bella nodded, sniffing back more tears. "I know, and I tried to tell myself that, and it worked for a while. But after my parents divorced my sole focus became school, and being Valedictorian, and going to Dartmouth…_alone_. I just wanted to start over."

Valedictorian? I fucking knew it. She _was_ butt hurt that I won. And Dartmouth? Uh, sorry honey, but too bad.

I turned to her, because she really needed to hear what I was about to say. "I'm sorry you didn't make Valedictorian Bella, but again, that shit's not my fault…" I wanted to say more, but Bella cut me off.

She turned to me, and her brown tear swollen eyes stared right into me. "Actually," she sort of hissed. "I did all the work for junior bio Edward. You probably should have failed for your '_contribution'_. So excuse me for thinking you took some shortcuts along the way." She was blunt and to the point, and damn if I didn't hear her loud and clear.

_Fuck._

"Um…I don't exactly know what to say here?" I asked, because I didn't. What do you say when you know someone is right?

She did do all the work. But that's only because I trusted her, and she was so smart, it didn't seem like a risk. I could have done it in my sleep…But I didn't, she did it… and so did Angela Weber in Spanish, and Eric Yorkie in Calculus, and that Ben dork in Physics lab…

_Fuck!_

Bella continued her rant. "Just imagine my joy when they announced _you_ Valedictorian? Or when _you _applied to Dartmouth? Dartmouth was supposed to be my safe haven from you, and my mom, and all the shit that's been happening in my life," she whined, making it all the more clear that I was the bane of her existence. Or used to be? I wasn't sure…

She looked over to me, like she wanted some sort of response, but I was frozen.

Seeing that I had nothing to say, she shrugged and kept going. "It sort of all just snowballed from there. And one day I woke up, and I wanted to put your picture up on my dartboard and poke tiny holes in your face." Then, she looked to me seriously, and I had to look back. "_Hating_ you was so easy all of a sudden Edward, and it distracted me from hating everything else in my life."

My eyes closed in understanding. "Like your mom?" I questioned in a stunned whisper, because I kind of knew that feeling. I knew what it felt like to not want to hate your parent, despite the obvious reasons why you should.

"Yeah," she agreed with a groan. "And I got over it after a while, but when my mom blew me off for break, I thought I was going to lose it, so I needed to…"

"Take it out on me," I added, knowing where she was going.

"Sort of," she sighed. "But I really needed a ride too. And I was so angry with my mother that I thought spending some time with you might divert that anger back to _you_. The girls on my hall made that seem like a real possibility."

"Girls on your hall?"

"You've slept with and pissed off half my hall Edward. You're not exactly popular there."

"Oh," was my reply, because shit, now she knew about my not so dignified sex life too? What next? I put her grandmother in the hospital for buying the last pack of aspirin at the drug store?

"I need some air," I said, standing from the bench, looking for a door, but realizing we were already outside.

"We're…" Bella started to say.

"I know," I said, sitting myself back down.

"You think I'm crazy don't you?" Bella asked, clearly thinking my spastic behavior was solely due to the crazy leaps in logic she had taken over the years.

But that wasn't entirely true. I played my part in her craziness. I should have showed up for that fucking project…for a number of reasons. But still, she used me as her personal secret punching bag for years. I was her villain, so that the villain didn't have to be her mother. And that shit wasn't right either. I didn't deserve that. I was just a kid, a stupid immature kid.

"Oh fuck Bella, I don't know?" I said, turning to her, trying to find some answers in her eyes.

There was a kindness there, and a deep sadness too. Bella was so fucked up in the head I almost had to laugh. But then again, so was I, something that I was starting to realize. Hell, we were both a bunch of fuckups.

"I've acted like a jerk," Bella said glumly as I just looked at her, my expression probably pretty blank. There was still a great deal of alcohol in my blood, and shock in my system, and processing going on…

"Uh, that's one word you could use to describe the way you've treated me, but it wouldn't be _my_ first choice," I joked, not really in the mood to argue any of the smaller details of her psychotic reasoning.

_But jerk? Uh, try again devil child. _

"You think I'm a bitch?" She asked with the small semblance of a laugh in her voice.

"Uh, well, yes that's a start," I laughed back, sort of liking the look of the weak smile on her face, and feeling myself begin to smile too.

"Psycho? Crazy? Demented?" She added, sounding lighter.

I shrugged. "Yeah, those work too."

"You must really hate me?" She said, and her face sort of dropped again.

Then I looked at her seriously and I let out a deep breath, pressing my shoulder into hers. "I don't hate you Bella." Because I didn't. "I think you're a lunatic," I laughed, not entirely jokingly, "But I don't hate you."

Slowly, as I looked at her, her smile came back. "You don't?" She asked.

"No."

"I can deal with lunatic," she agreed with a giggle.

"Good."

"Do you want to know the craziest part?" She asked, pressing her shoulder back into mine.

"There's more?" I laughed raising an eyebrow.

"She's not even with Phil anymore," she said rolling her eyes. "They got divorced last year. She's dating some other guy named James, and he's only 28, and she blew me off for Christmas to go to the Bahamas with him. He's a trainer from her gym and they're _madly_ in love." Her fingers went into her mouth, making a gagging gesture, but her eyes had a smile behind them, despite the fact her mother sounded like a total skeeze.

"That's fucked up," I said, because it was.

"Yep," she agreed.

We were laughing, but there was still something lingering that needed to be said. "You can't blame me anymore for your mom being a floozy Bella, do you understand? It's not my fault. Five years is too long," I said, making sure she understood that I wasn't going to be her punching bag anymore. It wasn't fair, even if I was a Valedictorian stealing, hall-mate fucking, asshole.

Bella smiled. "Well, my mom has done a lot of crazy shit in the past five years!" Throwing her hands up, she turned a curious eye on me. "And hearing sob stories from girls on my hall thinking they were the one to tame the infamous Edward Cullen, only to find you've locked them out of your room in their underwear, sort of kept the ball rolling," she said with a raised eyebrow, and the devil in her voice.

_What?_

"I never locked a girl out of my room in her underwear," I said defiantly. "That's bull…"

"Jane Picket?"

_Fuck._

"Oh yeah," I admitted with an eye roll. "She was crazy though, and…"

"Nevermind Edward," Bella cut me off. "It's none of my business."

_Damn right it's not. _

Then it got quiet again. Thing is, we were strangers. She didn't know me, and I sure as hell didn't know her. And we didn't have a lot to talk about besides rumor and innuendo, and crazy ass conspiratorial baseless hate campaigns…

But Bella had more to say.

She leaned deeper into my shoulder, and really looked at me, and help me if those weren't the prettiest pair of brown eyes I had ever seen…

"I had no idea you were a decent human being Edward," she said with a great deal of guilt in her voice. "Every impression I had of you was this brat who didn't give a shit about anyone but himself, disrespected girls, and used people to get ahead without any sort of consequence."

_Well, that's because that's entirely fucking true Bella._

I just nodded and let her finish.

"You've been really decent to me. And I've just been unforgivably rude. I'm sorry," she finally said. "I'm really sorry."

Her words hung in the air a moment, and I was glad to finally hear them.

"I'm sorry too," I whispered to her. "Really, I'm sorry I didn't show up and…" I was cut off by the station agent, calling for Bella's next bus.

"_4:30 to Minneapolis! 4:30 to Minneapolis!" _

I looked to Bella, and she pressed her hands into her lap nervously. "That's my bus," she said seemingly feigning relief, but not moving from her spot on the bench.

We stared at each other for a beat, before I said the words we both wanted me to say. "You could stay you know?" I asked feebly, trying to seem nonchalant. "I mean, the rapes and stabbings and lice and stuff..." And really, I didn't want those things to happen to her. But, I also wanted her crazy ass as company too.

Bella laughed. "Yeah, I wouldn't want to get lice. That's true…"

"Stay?" I wanted her to. Too much maybe?

Bella's eyes watered a little with tears, and she smiled at me. "Thank you Edward, really. I know I owe you a few of those." She wiped the mascara from her eyes, and fixed herself up, well as much as she could seeing as she dressed like a weirdo…

Bella seemed completely fine with our new situation, but there were still some things bugging me…

Like why it took her so long to thank me?

"Why couldn't you say that sooner?" I asked, needing to know why it took her so long to say she was sorry? Why it took me coming to Chicago and confronting her to snap her out of her hate parade on me? "You could have saved us a lot of trouble."

Bella sunk a bit in the bench looking embarassed. "I didn't know you cared?" She sighed, seeming unsure. "And maybe it was just easier to keep up the charade? But here you are, and that surprised me…"

"Yeah, here I am," I muttered under my breath, contemplating what that meant. I didn't know I cared either? But hearing her say it made me wonder if it was really true?

_Do I care about Bella? Like for real? _

"I honestly had no idea you gave a shit about me Edward?"

_Neither did I Bella…Neither did I…_

I didn't want to over think it, and it was starting to get dark and we were losing time.

"We better get going," I said, standing and reaching my hand out to help her off the bench.

"Keys Cullen?" Bella snapped, pushing her hand out to me, her old harsh tone finding its way into her voice.

"Oh no! No, you are not driving my car!" I cried.

"Like hell I'm not. Give me the keys, or we stay the night in Chicago…"

"No way."

"Fine, Chicago it is. Shame how much time we lose…"

We argued all the way to the car…

Bella drove the leg to Minneapolis.

**AN- Have a great rest of the weekend. I wanted to update sooner, but this turned out to be a long chapter. :) Sorry. **


	7. Chapter 7

**The Sure Thing Chapter 7**

**EPOV**

I slept most of the drive to Minneapolis, waking only once to piss, pump some gas, and eat half of a cheeseburger. I was tired both physically and emotionally, and I had some booze to sleep off.

Bella drove the whole way, pretty well actually, and she listened to Neil Young quietly the entire time. She loved Neil fucking Young. Like a deep love. It was kind of interesting to learn something real about her. She liked to dress homeless, and listen to Neil Young, and had some serious mommy issues, and former but still fresh _me_ issues… And that was all I had so far. But it seemed like something.

Bella shook me awake when we arrived in Minneapolis. "Edward, wake up."

We weren't at a motel though. We were in a residential neighborhood. A quiet snow covered block, with small bungalow's lined up in a row.

I wiped my eyes and sat up. "Where are we?" I asked groggily, taking in the suburban setting.

Bella looked at me with a nervous smile. "My cousin Kate and her husband Garrett live in Minneapolis. I thought we could stay here tonight?"

I was half unconscious, but it seemed like a decent plan. Save some cash, and the houses looked comfortable. She obviously made these plans when she thought she would be bussing it alone, but I could tell that she felt this could be her contribution to the sleeping arrangements.

So, I nodded my approval and stretched my arms over my head with a yawn. "Does Kate have food, I'm fucking starving?"

Bella laughed. "She's got a construction worker for a husband. I'm sure we can find something."

I yawned again, and shook my head with definite approval. "Right on, let's go," I agreed.

Bella sighed with relief and turned off the engine. We got our bags out of the trunk, and Minnesota was cold as fuck by the way, and we made our way through a tiny white picket gate and up the icy concrete steps to the house.

The house was decked out for Christmas, the whole neighborhood was really. Lights, and illuminated snowmen, and red preformed plastic Santa's that looked like fucking child molesters. It was cool, and reminded me of Forks.

Bella rapped lightly on the door, and before long, a cute 30-something blonde was ushering us in from the cold. "Come in, come in, but be quiet the baby is sleeping," she said warmly as we stepped into the warm dimly lit foyer. The Christmas tree and small dying fire in the living room was our only light.

Evidence of the baby was all over the place though. Fisher Price had a presence in the house. A boy it seemed, there were mad amounts of plastic trucks.

Kate pulled Bella into a hug. "You didn't tell me you had a friend?"

Bella laughed, and pulled away and gestured to me. "Kate this is Edward. Edward Kate."

Kate gave Bella a look that I was all too familiar with. The look that tells me I'm still good looking as fuck, and I can still fluster the hell out of a tired suburban housewife in Minnesota at all hours of the morning… all while dirty, tired, and disheveled.

Bella just rolled her eyes. But she was blushing. Definitely blushing.

I laughed inwardly, and stuck my hand out giving Kate a wink. "Nice to meet you," I said, giving her just enough of a smile to tell her I could rock her world, but not enough to let her think I'd ever be interested. It made women crazy.

_I'm such an asshole._

Kate dropped my hand, breathing a little heavy, and shook her head and looked to Bella. "Hope you two don't mind sharing the pull out sofa?" She asked gesturing to the already made sleeper in the living room.

I glanced over at Bella, and we were both so fucking tired and over it, we would have shared a fucking chair. "It's cool," we replied in unison.

"Great," Kate said, taking our coats in exchange for a stack of towels she gave to Bella. "There's a bathroom down the hall, and some lasagna in the fridge if you're hungry- Just nuke it, the plates are above the dishwasher…"

"That's great Kate. Thanks, we'll be fine," Bella whispered with a smile. "Get to bed."

Kate looked relieved. It was definitely past her bedtime. "You sure?" She asked.

"Go!" Bella cried in a whisper.

Kate smiled and went to kiss Bella's cheek. "Oh it's so good to see your pretty face. Sweet dreams you guys. Night Edward," she said giving me a little smile and Bella a devilish nod. Kate definitely thought Bella and I should be fucking, it was all over her face as she turned and went up the stairs.

Then Bella and I were alone. And it was weird, because Bella and I were definitely _not _fucking, and only a few hours earlier I thought Bella wanted to castrate me. And I really wished Kate had not planted that little seed into the mix, because now it just felt fucking awkward!

Bella's face was red as she turned toward me. "So, lasagna?" she gulped.

I nodded in relief. "Definitely, I'm starving."

Bella smiled. "I'll heat it up."

I followed Bella into the tiny kitchen, awkwardness temporarily averted, and sat myself down on a stool by the counter, as Bella went for the fridge. "Beer?" She asked as she looked over the fridge's contents.

_Beer? Oh silly Bella…_

"Yes," I nodded emphatically. "Fuck yes."

Bella grabbed two beers, and handed me one, while twisting the cap off the other and taking a sip herself. She was without her hat and coat and boots, and looked semi normal in her jeans and purple sweater… sipping beer, and heating up lasagna.

Soon she had two piping plates, and set them down on the island, sliding one in front of me and handing me a fork. "Eat," she smiled, sipping her beer, and running her fingers through her hair. She looked so different in the dim light of the kitchen, rosy cheeked and smiling. Like natural and cool, and a definite beer drinker which was another thing I added to my checklist de Bella.

The beer tasted cold and refreshing and the lasagna was fucking delicious. "This is good," was basically the extent of the conversation while we ate.

It was getting quiet though, and Bella noticed. "This is awkward. I'm sorry, that's my fault," she said hesitantly while taking another swig of her beer.

I just brushed her off. "It's fine. Just eat your lasagna," I said, digging in for another bite, giving her a smile to let her know I wasn't sweating it.

So we didn't have much to talk about? We'd find something eventually.

When Bella was clearing the plates, I tried the small talk thing. "So…Kate seems nice," I said, taking my plate to her.

Bella nodded, and reached for the dish soap. "Yeah, so is Garrett. They're a really nice couple," she said quietly, pushing her sleeves up and turning on the water.

I handed her my plate. "Yeah, I'm not used to that," I laughed weakly, realizing quickly I might have said too much. My family drama wasn't exactly something I talked about. Ever.

"Oh?" Bella asked, not turning toward me, just scrubbing the dishes while I stood behind her in the quiet darkened kitchen. Her ear was turned to me though, like she was ready to listen…

"I didn't have a really normal family life," I said. It just spilled out of me, I couldn't stop it.

Bella just kept scrubbing, but the dishes were clean. "You didn't?"

I had to stop her; she was just scrubbing away at the clean plate.

I went for the sink handle, my face getting close to hers, and I could smell her and feel her as I reached around. "Nah, my mom," I sighed, right into her ear turning off the water. "She has some problems."

Bella's body was frozen as I hovered over her. "I didn't know that," she barely eked out, her breath picking up.

Bella was blushing and I was just stuck in my stance over her. We were both breathing heavily, and it lasted too long, and no one moved, and it was just weird on so many levels.

Nice too though...

_Oh fuck!_

So I backed away.

"Yeah, it's nothing. Never mind," I said, wiping my wet hands on my jeans.

Bella slowly put the dishes into the drying rack and breathed deeply, then turned around. "Ok," she nodded in understanding, clearly not going to press my family issues, or show any acknowledgement of the weirdness that had just passed between us.

I breathed too. "Ok," I agreed.

We got ready for bed in almost complete silence. We took turns in the bathroom, and Bella showered. She took her showers at night, which sort of explained the hair problems.

Bella was already tucked into the sofa bed when I came out of the bathroom, teeth brushed and face washed, and in my flannel pants and t-shirt.

The room was dark, save for the tree and the moonlight that was shining through the large bay window above the bed.

I took a deep breath, and pulled the covers back and got in next to Bella. "Is this ok?" I asked quietly as I stretched my legs into the sheets, trying not to touch her, trying not to breath in the fuck good smell of her shampoo as I got closer to her head.

Bella was curled up and looking at me. "Yeah, you're fine," she said. "Well goodnight Edward," she sighed, turning onto her back.

I turned onto my back too, so we were both staring at the ceiling.

Some time passed, and then Bella stirred a little bit. "Hey Edward?" she asked quietly, as I was almost dosing off.

"Yeah?"

"Can you believe it was only this morning that we were fighting in the parking lot in Cleveland?"

_Yes, yes I could. You fucking exhausted me Bella. _

"Yeah, it's been a long day," I sighed, feeling the respite of sleep pulling me under.

"Hey Edward?"

_Oh brother…_

"Yes Bella?"

"I'm glad you came and got me."

"I am too Bella."

Then she stopped talking, and low rhythmic breaths came into my ear. She was asleep, and I followed her, the twinkle lights on the tree lulled me to sleep. It had been a long fucking day.

Cheek…wet…noise…bacon…

_What the?_

"Jake! Down!" I heard a woman scream as the wetness moved to my neck.

I opened my eyes. There was a tongue and a nose and a yellow snout coming at my face. Yep, there was definitely a big ass Golden Retriever licking my face!

"Jake No!" The voice cried again.

I sat up, and rubbed out my eyes, and tried to push Fido off of me. I looked to my left. "Bella?" I called in a groggy voice, but she wasn't there.

Kate came into view, and I was all alone on the bed in the middle of her fucking living room, and it was really bright outside already. "What time is it?" I asked, realizing I had been sleeping like the dead, and so fucking comfortable, and I had no fucking clue for how long.

Kate laughed, and finally wrangled the dog off of me. "It's 9am. We've been up for hours. You two were out cold."

"Where's Bella?" I asked, using my sleeve to get dog slobber out of my ear.

"Right here," I heard Bella say as she rounded the corner with Russell Brand hair, wearing her tiny little shorts, holding a fucking toddler. "Sleep well?" She smiled at me, like she was woken from a great fucking sleep too.

"Yeah," I nodded with a little laugh. "You?"

"Yeah," she agreed.

Kate took the baby from her, and Bella came over and sat on the corner of the bed. And oh God, I was having problems not staring at her legs again.

"Cute kid," I said quickly, trying to put my focus on anything but her body.

Bella smiled a genuine smile. "His name is Seth. This is my first time meeting him. He's two." For whatever reason, she never seemed to notice my ogling. Like at all.

_Small blessings. _

"Cool," I nodded.

"Well, you better hit the showers Edward, it's time for _us_ to go," Bella said as she pushed my shoulder a little bit and stood back up, giving me a peak at the rear view.

I slapped my hand over my eyes, I had no self control.

I grabbed for the towels Kate had offered, and pulled myself out of the warmth of the bed, and shuffled my feet to the shower. There was coffee, and bacon, and laughter coming from the kitchen, so I made the shower quick.

When I came into the kitchen, feeling refreshed and clean, and in new underwear and shit, a brawny looking blonde dude was the first to greet me. "Hey man, Garrett," he said, reaching a hand out for me to shake.

He looked cool, and like rustic and shit. "Edward," I said, taking his hand. He had a firm honest handshake. I liked him.

"Well Edward," he smiled. "Welcome to chaos." Then he handed me a cup of coffee, and led me to the bustling kitchen table, where Bella was sitting with Kate and Seth, and the Golden Retriever Jake was nipping at Bella's feet.

It was so domestic, which of course was foreign to me, and Garrett seemed like the most genuinely happy dude I had ever met.

"Thanks," I nodded as he pulled a chair up for me next to Bella, placing a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of me.

I wanted to dig right in, but Bella grabbed for my arm. "Hey Edward," she said in a little baby voice. "I want you to meet my nephew Seth?" She grabbed for the little blonde tykes hand and waved it for him. "Say hi Edward," she cooed, smiling like an idiot.

The baby laughed. "Hiy Edveerd," he said, while Bella waved his hand.

I couldn't help but smile at the kid. He was pretty fucking cute. "Hi Seth," I said.

Then Bella let me eat, so she could continue to lose her shit over the baby, oohing and ahhing and pinching his fucking nose and cheeks and shit. I have to admit, I was a little jealous of the little squirt…

The love fest was interrupted though when my phone rang. It was Emmett.

"Excuse me," I said, pushing myself out of my chair and heading for a quiet corner in the living room.

"What do you want Emmett?" I asked dryly into the phone.

"_Where are you?" _

"Bella's cousins house, why?"

"_Why aren't you on the road brother? We just got an invite to a Seahawks party in Seattle, and Rose and Tanya are VIP. It's going to be off the hook! You need to be here by Friday night man, party of the century." _

"Aren't the Seahawks playing Sunday?" I asked.

"_Yeah, so?"_

"Emmett, it's been a long trip already, and we're only in Minneapolis."

"_Well then you better start driving." _

"Ok, I'll do my best."

"_Tanya says hi by the way…"_

"Um, tell her hi too I guess. Bye Emmett."

"_Bye Edward."_

Ok, so I had a date with Tanya on Friday night. That seemed soon, seeing as it was Thursday morning. But, I had been dying to meet her for weeks, so Friday night it was.

When I walked back into the kitchen, Bella smiled at me. "Who was that?" She asked, like she was genuinely curious.

I couldn't even tell her the truth. It felt dirty, and Bella, all of a sudden, seemed so…sweet?

"Oh just my dad checking in," I lied.

Bella smiled back at me. "That was nice of him."

"Yeah," I sighed, and I felt really shitty all of a sudden.

**AN- No note. Just saying hello. Hope you enjoyed! **


	8. Chapter 8

**The Sure Thing Chapter 8**

**EPOV**

We packed up and said our goodbyes to Kate and Garrett. By 10am, we were on the road. Next stop? Missoula Montana. We were hoping to make it there by midnight.

It was our longest leg yet, but if I was going to make it home by Friday night to party like a rock star with an NFL team and my VIP big breasted slutty date, we had to get going.

"Well, get comfortable Swan, because this is going to be a long drive," I said with mock dread as we pulled onto the freeway.

Bella smiled at me. "Just let me know, and I'll relieve you." She seemed like she honestly wanted to help me, which was all sort of part of the new rapport we were trying out.

Civility, kindness… You know, two people with a similar goal, coexisting, working together, fucking _helping_ each other so that the goal could be reached? We were trying it out, and it seemed to fit us well.

"Ok cool, I will," I nodded to her with a smile.

A weight seemed to be lifted from both of our shoulders. We were enjoying the sunny morning, the terrible minimart coffee, the bad Minnesota radio. It was relaxed, and fun, and Bella knew a surprising amount of really fucking obscure song lyrics.

Still, we didn't do a lot of talking. But we also weren't deliberately ignoring each other either. If Bella saw a car she liked, she would tell me. If I encountered a particularly heinous driver and wanted to road rage him to hell, I would fucking tell her about it.

And as the drive continued into the afternoon, I noticed Bella was really interested in what people on the road were doing and where they were going. Always asking, "I wonder where they're going?" or "I wonder what they're doing?" Like fuck, I don't know? But we were really fucking bored, so we decided to make it a game…

"Them!" Bella cried to me with an excited smile, pointing to a loser family in a minivan. The dork dad was driving under the speed limit, and could barely see over the steering wheel.

_Yeah, I fucking got this one. _

"Ok, ok," I said thinking it over. "They are the Nelson's," I began with a smile. "The dad Harvey works at the bank every day, while his wife Norma stays home and secretly operates a phone sex operation to support her Valium habit…"

I paused for approval from Bella and she laughed, so I kept going. "Ok…You see, Harvey likes to role play, and his favorite character is a computer programmer named The Wiz, but Norma secretly fantasizes about having an affair with her kid's teacher Mr. Zahn."

"Mr. Zahn?" Bella asked dryly, concealing a smirk.

"Yeah yeah, Mr. Zahn." I nodded, trying to keep a straight face. "But what Norma _doesn't_ know is that Mr. Zahn is secretly getting it on with her 14 year old daughter Millicent."

Bella gasped. "That's sick Edward!" she cried, punching my shoulder.

I looked to her, and rubbed out my shoulder with a smile. "I know!" I shrieked in fake horror. "The Nelson's have some serious problems!"

Bella sighed, "This is fun," her voice sort of distant.

"Yeah," I agreed, because it was. But Bella's distant voice told me that she didn't have a lot of fun, and that sort of made me sad. She was such a loner, an A overachiever, and It didn't seem like she made a lot of time to just have some fucking _fun_.

But then she said something that told me, maybe she wanted to change that?

"So Edward, tell me?" she asked, just as the car was getting quiet again.

"Yeah?" I turned to her, maybe a little surprised that she was initiating more conversation.

She cocked her head at me in curiosity. "So, if I were not in the car right now, what would you be doing?"

I thought it over for a second. "Probably getting high," I shrugged, because fuck she knew fucking everything else about me, why not my weed habit right?

Bella's eyes bugged. "Like pot?" She asked all taken aback and shit.

"Yeah Bella, like pot," I laughed.

"Oh," Bella whispered, nodding in understanding, fidgeting in her seat a bit. "So, how long does it last?"

I turned to her. "Last?" I asked, a little surprised she wanted to know. "Um, I dunno, maybe an hour?" Then I got curious. "Why?" Because why? She didn't want to…

"Can we smoke some?" She shrugged, just throwing it out there.

My eyes bugged. "Right now?"

Bella nodded, pretty enthusiastically. "Yeah," she said, "right now."

I rolled my eyes at her and laughed. "You're a lunatic," I said, because no fucking way was I smoking up with Bella in my car.

An hour later I found myself in the parking lot of a Denny's in Fargo North Dakota, hot boxing my car, and showing Bella how to use a bowl. "Just let go of the little hole, and inhale," I instructed, while helping her with the lighter.

Bella inhaled, and coughed for about three minutes, then was ready for round two. "More?" I asked.

"I don't feel anything yet," she laughed, but I could see in the slackness of her jaw and the tranquility in her eyes that she definitely could.

"Ok," I shrugged, holding it up to her mouth again, pushing back her plum colored hat, feeling her hair under my hands…fixating on how cute her full red lips were.

_Jesus, just stop! _

We got high in the parking lot. Really high. And after finishing off two fully packed bowls, we found ourselves sitting in my car, just staring at the traffic going by…quiet, and melting into our seats, just chilling…listening to Neil fucking Young.

"Hey Edward?" Bella asked during Sugar Mountain, pulling her coat around herself tightly.

I turned to her slowly, just really buzzing. "Yeah Bella?" I asked, trying to get my eyes to focus.

Her face was kind of serious, like she was thinking about something. "Your mom?" she asked quietly.

And fuck I knew I shouldn't have said anything! Of course she would want to know. Why wouldn't she? I knew too much about her fucked up family. Thing is, I never talked about my mom. Ever. But something in Bella's tone, in the soft expression on her face, in the safe intimacy of the car made it seem like maybe I could? Like maybe I could trust her with it? Like maybe she would _understand_?

"She's an alcoholic," I just blurted out, fucking saying it out loud, something I had never done before. And I wasn't looking away from Bella when I said it either. I wasn't avoiding her eyes, I wasn't evading her stare. I just looked right at her, and she was looking right back. Really looking.

"Oh," she sighed in understanding. "That sucks."

"Yeah," I gulped. "I had a sister once. She died when she was only a baby. Her name was Alice. My mom never got over it."

Bella's face sunk into sadness, and I wondered if mine did too. Remembering my baby sister was something I tried not to do. "That's awful," she whispered, her brow furrowing deeply, like it hurt her to hear it.

"Yeah, well, I don't know?" I continued, just wanting to get it out. "Emmett and I are still alive…so?"

"How old were you?"

"Only three."

"And you're mom never got over it?"

"No," I sighed. "Not even a little bit."

"Is she ok?" Bella whined.

I didn't know how to answer that. So I just shook my head 'no.'

Bella's eyes began to water, and mine followed. I couldn't stop it. My stomach just got knotted, and my chest got heavy, and my jaw started shaking, and that deep pain of my mom and baby Alice that I tried to keep suppressed just came right to the surface, and I couldn't stop it. I was crying.

"Oh, Edward, I'm…" Bella eked out, wiping tears from her eyes. "I didn't know," she whined. "God I'm such a selfish horrible person!"

Bella started bawling in the passenger seat, suddenly guilt stricken by my fucking sob story of a life. Hers probably seemed pretty mild in comparison. But she didn't know, and lord knows I didn't fucking blame _her_ for my problems. That was all on someone else. Losing baby Alice wasn't something I could come to grips with easily. And losing my mother because of it was even harder. My mom, she just checked out after that, and no matter how much I tried not to hate her for it, I really wished she would have bucked the fuck up and come through for Emmett and me.

But she didn't. And she was in perma rehab in California. And Emmett and I were raised by a workaholic Doctor with a broken heart.

I wiped my eyes and looked over and Bella was just gasping and sniffing and just fucking bawling beside me. "Aw, shit Bella," I whispered, moving toward her, reaching for my handkerchief from my pocket.

I grabbed her face. And it was very strange, but I did it. I put my hands over her wet tear stained cheeks, and coerced her with my hands to look at me. And she did. "It's over ok?" I whispered, stroking her face with my fingers. "I know you didn't know."

Bella tried to calm herself under my hands, and slowly her breaths steadied a bit, and she was sniffing back her tears. But she wasn't stopping…not anytime soon anyway.

"It..it..it must have be..been so ha…hard?" She cried to my face, as I stroked her cheek.

I just kept my eyes on her, words spilling from me against my will. "It was," I sighed. "It _is_. But it's fine," I whispered, trying to calm her. "We're fine."

Bella just kept going, and at a certain point, it got kind of funny. I smiled at her, and patted my handkerchief to her eyes. "Will you stop?" I said with a bit of a laugh, and that just made Bella let out another sob. She was sort of laughing and sobbing simultaneously.

"I just feel so stupid," she sniffed. "I am so _sorry_ Edward." And I could see in her eyes that she was, and that was more than I needed. Because the bullshit from before was just over. Period.

"It's over Bella," I assured her again with a small smile, and her tears began to wane as I tried to calm her.

I wanted her to know that I had forgiven her, like really and truly. And I didn't know how else to do it? So I just leaned my body over the divider, and I put my hands all the way around her puffy red jacket and I just fucking hugged her.

Her hands were sort of balled to her face, holding the handkerchief, and her head was sort of burrowed under my chin. I was just grabbing so tightly to her, and she was just letting me. And I could smell her hair, and I could feel the soft quakes of her warm body, and I could feel the tears falling down my own cheeks. And it was all so fucking intense and personal and _real_.

And when her head turned out of its cocoon under my neck, and she looked up at me with wide eyes, I just stared right back at her fucking beautiful face. My heart was pounding, and I could feel the tension in her body under my hands, and suddenly I just felt compelled to do the thing that I really fucking wanted to do. I leaned down slowly, watching her eyes as I went, feeling her let out a small gasp as my head dipped lower. Then I touched my lips to hers softly, and I fucking kissed her.

**AN- To be continued…**


	9. Chapter 9

**The Sure Thing Chapter 9**

**BPOV**

My lips touched Bella's, and her lips were soft and they were warm and they were so unfamiliar, but at the same time so fucking familiar. And I could taste the tears on her mouth, and I wanted her to open her mouth more and let me taste more…

So I pushed my tongue against her lips and she let me in, and I fucking went for it, and so did she. She pushed her tongue back into my mouth with a whimper, like she was giving in…

She kissed me back.

Then she reached behind me and used my seat to pull herself up into my lap, straddling me, while I fucking frantically pushed her coat off of her shoulders. When she was free, my hand went straight under her sweater, while she pressed her face tighter to mine, gripping the back of my head with her hands, opening her mouth for me, and breathing and gasping and fucking taking over.

And then we were just going at it, and her hips were shifting in my lap and her hands were pulling at my hair, and her small panting moans were hot in my ears, and my hands started to roam under her sweater, and my dick started to move, and throb, and our tongues were just …just...

_Fuck Bella don't stop! _

But she did. She stopped. Fucking abruptly actually.

She pulled her head from my mouth, and pushed back on my chest. She was breathing heavily into my neck and fucking flustered and damn she looked incredible… "What are we doing?" She gasped, looking at me, still unable to catch her breath, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

_Umm?_

I tried to focus, but my dick was hard and my hand was wedged underneath Bella's bra. I pulled it out. "I don't know?" I shrugged, pushing my hair back into place. Anything resembling coherent thought wasn't happening in my head. I just wanted her tongue back in my mouth.

Bella was still all squirmy and hot in my lap. "What do you mean you don't know, you kissed me?" She whined, like I did something wrong. But her fucking swollen lips and blushed cheeks and erratic panting and the fact that she hadn't budged from sitting right on top of my rock hard boner, told me otherwise.

"Sorry?" I offered feebly, without even the slightest hint of apology, trying to angle my lips back to hers wanting more. I wasn't fucking close to finished yet.

Bella put two fingers to my lips, and stopped me. "Don't do that," she sighed. Then she dropped her hand and slid off of me and back into her seat, wrapping her arms around her body.

My head was all fuzzy and heavy from a potent mixture of weed and hormones and fucking deep and emotional conversation and amazing kisses. Fuck, I was glad to have her coat in my lap, but I was at a bit of a loss about what to say exactly? Nothing was coming.

Ok ok, so maybe she wasn't exactly ready to have my tongue in her mouth when just a few days ago she wanted my face on her dart board…

But her tongue did seem pretty happy to be in my mouth…

So, I leaned back in my seat, and turned my eyes to Bella, my head slowly rolling in her direction. "I'm going to get some pancakes," I said with a lazy smile. "You coming?"

I mean, I knew what Bella's hang ups were. She was probably scared, and she probably didn't trust me, and she probably wanted to know what my feelings were, and blah blah blah. But fuck, I didn't know how to answer those questions. All I knew was that we just got stoned, got deep, and found ourselves swapping spit and almost a whole lot more in a Denny's parking lot.

It didn't have to be a big deal if we didn't make it one. Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss…

_Right?_

Bella's face told me she didn't appreciate me being so aloof though. And for me, there was one small problem with that. See, I wanted her to like me. No matter what, I just _needed _her to like me. It was fucking weird, but the idea of her mad, or thinking badly of me, was awful. It was becoming like a thing for me.

So I softened my smile even more. "Coming?" I asked again, more sincerely this time. I reached my hand out to graze the little sliver of skin just above her jeans that was driving me crazy.

Bella rolled her eyes and let out a small laugh. "Only because we are tragically behind schedule," she huffed as she grabbed her coat from my lap and pushed her car door open. "And I am hungry."

I lazily followed Bella into Denny's, taking my good old time so I didn't scare the patrons. When I was no longer pitching a tent, we got a booth in the back.

I was a little satisfied with myself I must say. I felt some gratification in knowing that even though she stopped, she fucking kissed me back like she wanted it.

But I was beginning to wonder what she was so uptight about? Because what was going on in the car was really working for me. Bella took my cues, and wasn't nearly as fucking shy as I thought she might be. She got in my lap and she knew what to do. She was no longer this potentially undercover sexy girl to me, she was full on sexy. I could actually _see_ myself having sex with her…and it would be fucking hot.

"I'm not one of those girls you know?" Bella said dryly from the seat in front of me, picking my fucking brain or something.

I looked over my menu, giving her a curious eye. "What girls?"

She took a sip of her coffee and looked right back at me critically. "The kind of girl that's just going to sleep with you, knowing full well you're an asshole. What happened in that car, is not happening again," she huffed with some serious attitude, turning the page to the breakfast specials.

"Little harsh there Swan," I said, wanting her to check herself before she got ditched in Fargo.

She smiled shrewdly. "I know your track record Cullen."

_Touché…_

I dropped my menu, ready to take her on. Bella was sitting in her seat, just gleefully reading her menu, and there was this undercurrent of pleasure in the way she was holding her face. Like the satisfaction I was feeling for getting her to kiss me wasn't exclusive to me. She looked fucking satisfied too. But I realized the satisfaction she was feeling was different. She stopped the kiss, and she was the one dismissing the possibility of future kisses…She had taken all of the fucking power from me.

_Oh she's good…_

"Who's saying I'm interested?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, ready to spar.

Bella laughed knowingly to herself. "No one. I'm just saying it's not happening. Capiche?"

She was way too overconfident for my liking. I was in that car too. She wanted it. Please, she wanted it almost more than I did…

_Almost._

"I have more pot you know, and plenty more mommy stories. I wouldn't be so sure Swan," I said, giving her my best smile, patented with an almost 95% success rate. I got girls to sleep with me with that smile who were engaged, married, and one who was dating a professional hockey player.

Bella didn't respond the way I had hoped though. "Stop playing games Edward, I'm serious." And I could tell she was.

_Fuck._

God, if I could just go one day without being such an indefensible little prick, I would throw myself a fucking parade.

_What am I doing?_

I killed the smile, and looked to Bella seriously. "I know you are," I nodded in understanding.

Because, fuck, Bella wasn't just some girl I was going to take back to my hotel for a quick fuck and then forget to call. She was Bella Swan, my friend I guess, and I was being an asshole to her. Not that that surprised me in any way. It just made me realize that I didn't know how to act any differently. Not wanting to hurt a girl wasn't even something I considered before.

But I knew I didn't want to _hurt _Bella. That much I was sure of.

The saddest part of this revelation was the realization that I didn't know how to differentiate between girls I should sleep with, and girls I shouldn't. I didn't know how to just be respectful, and not push, and not try to weasel my way into her panties.

I thought I did. I showed a lot of restraint early on in the trip. But, well, she hated me then, and…yeah.

But as soon as I saw an opening, I couldn't control myself. My urge to just have her was too strong. And just because she shut me down, that didn't mean the urge just went away. If anything, it was just getting stronger.

But what did I want with her? That was the question that was giving my fried brain the most difficulty.

_Do I want more with Bella than just a quick fuck? _

We ordered and ate in silence, my brain on overdrive trying to sort out the just clusterfuck of crap that was running through it. I didn't want it to get weird between us again, but I also didn't know how to stop that.

So weird and awkward was the name of the game again…

That is until we walked back outside to the car.

_Oh fuuuccckkk…_

The four doors to the Volvo were wide open, as well as the trunk. And my heart just fell into the parking lot.

I looked to Bella quickly and she looked horrified, and then we both ran toward the car like our lives depended on it.

But just as I fucking suspected when I saw it, all of our stuff, all of our fucking stuff was just gone!

_FUCK!_

My heart was just racing and I started to sweat and I was so fucking pissed, but at the same time so fucking scared to face Bella. I forgot to lock the car. I forgot to lock the fucking car!

"Why didn't you lock the car!" Bella cried into my throbbing ears, asking the most fucking obvious and annoying question she could have possibly asked in that moment.

_Well I don't know Bella? Maybe because I had a boner, and I was high as fuck, and WE ARE IN FARGO NORTH DAKOTA! _

"I don't know? I'm so sorry, I forgot!" Was what I actually said.

"I can't believe this!" She cried, and for some reason her anger was starting to really piss me off.

I glared at her. "Yeah, you must be so sad you lost all those beautiful clothes you wear," I spat, having no clue why. She was just really pissing me off and I couldn't fucking think straight.

Bella stomped toward me, and she was furious. "You left the car unlocked and all of my stuff got stolen, and you're dissing my clothes?" She hissed, really fucking pissed.

_What clothes? You mean fugly ass rags?_

I just scoffed at her. "I'll replace your reindeer sweater Bella, just tell me where you bought it?"

Bella got in my face. "Oh, you're going to bring my grandmother back to life and have her knit me one, huh?" Then she pushed me and slammed my back into the car, and damn she was kinda hot when she was pissed.

But, then I took in what she said. _Her dead grandma knitted her ugly sweaters? _

Swiftly, the fury sort of stilled around me, and things came into focus. "Fuck, seriously?" I asked Bella, suddenly very sorry about the sweater.

Bella stopped in her tracks and took in my sad expression, then cracked a smile. "No Edward," she giggled. "I was just messing with you."

I momentarily let the small relief wash over me, and then I reacted. "That wasn't fucking cool Swan!" I cried, pushing back at her shoulder.

Then she was just really laughing.

_Oh no…_

Hyena monkey cackles of nervous craziness. "Every…everything I had was in my…my bag!" She wailed with screeching laughter.

And as Bella just broke down like she was having a fucking laughing seizure, I realized, really realized I had just lost all of her fucking stuff.

_Damn…_

I reached out to her shuddering body. "Bella, I'm so sorry, I'll replace it all," I said, trying to get control of her. I wasn't afraid to touch her anymore, so I just grabbed her, and pulled her into my body, running my arm up and down her back trying to stop her nervous fit.

I knew her well enough by then to know she wasn't laughing because it was funny. She was laughing because she didn't know what else to do. She was laughing because she was scared.

"It's going to be ok Bella, it's just stuff," I whispered to her, trying to calm her.

And eventually it worked. She stopped. And there was a moment there before I let her go, where I just really didn't want to. And that was the big fucking problem. I didn't want to let her go.

I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to let her go. And that idea fucking scared me.

She pulled away from me slowly, and looked at me with wide eyes. "Thanks," she whispered, and the look in her eye told me that I wasn't the only one feeling a little conflicted.

I could have reached out and kissed her again. Maybe I should have, but I didn't. Because even though the urge was there, even though deep down I just knew she wanted me just as much as I wanted her…I also knew it would never work, not really anyway…Bella and me…in the real world.

It wouldn't work because of me. I wasn't wired for it. I would only hurt her.

"Let's go," I sighed, moving away from her. "There's a Wal-Mart by the exit, we should get pajamas and underwear and shit."

Bella nodded. "Good idea."

And so we left Denny's, and the easy friendly dynamic we had come in with, was very fucking different when we left.

**AN- At this point in the story, feedback would be much appreciated. Pop me a review if you're so inclined. Have a great day!**


	10. Chapter 10

**The Sure Thing Chapter 10**

**EPOV**

We were already running about two solid hours behind schedule, and making it to Missoula by midnight was out. We'd make it by 3am if we were lucky. Maybe.

I didn't know what to tell Emmett? It was getting complicated, that's for sure. See, I wasn't ready to just give up on making the Seahawks party and meeting Tanya. Because if Bella and I weren't going there and keeping it G, then I figured why cancel? I was going to have to get my R-rated needs met somehow right?

The crux was that learning the important lesson of differentiating between girls that I should sleep with and girls that I shouldn't was hard. Bella was making it hard…in more ways than one.

And I kept telling myself that only a couple of days ago I was so fucking excited to meet Tanya. And I was! But the reality was that making it to the party just seemed really unlikely the longer Bella and I wasted time in Fargo. And it wasn't exactly like I minded wasting time with Bella in Fargo…

Bella. Bella was the complication.

We found ourselves in a Wal-Mart, attempting to replace some of the necessities we had lost when my car got fucking robbed in a Denny's parking lot in Fargo North fucking Dakota.

All told, I lost my i-pod, my laptop, and about $1000 worth of clothes. Bella lost a stone aged phone, and about $17.50 worth of clothes and sundries…

Still, I felt bad and I wanted to replace her crap for her.

I looked to Bella, whose cute little ass insisted on pushing the cart into the main entrance. "Get whatever you want, it's on me," I said, waving my hands contemptuously into the fluorescent and the blue and the crowds of_ interesting _people

Bella paused, and looked to me with a wry smile. "They sell guns here ya know?" She said, and I wasn't completely sure that she didn't want to kill me. I wanted to kill me.

_Fucking idiot. _

"I said I was sorry," I repeated with a sigh, for what seemed like the fucking millionth time.

Then Bella's smile grew wider. "That was a joke Edward," she laughed lightly. "Let's go," she said rolling her eyes at me and taking off with the cart.

I followed her to the shampoo aisle.

Standing quietly behind her, I watched as she scoured the shelves with her eyes. She didn't seem to know what she was looking for. And as she began to reach for the green nasty generic, I had to stop her. "No don't get that," I instructed, gently grabbing for her wrist, because I fucking _had_ to grab her wrist. "Get this?" I offered with a knowing smirk, picking out the strawberry awesome smelling stuff that she had before.

Bella watched my hand on her wrist cautiously. "Ok," she agreed with a small smile, her face blushing a little. "I'll get that one."

"Cool."

We turned the corner. "Makeup?" I asked curiously, not wanting her to go without it if she lost it. I knew it could be expensive, and I wanted her to have whatever she wanted.

Bella shook her head _no_. "I don't wear makeup, except mascara," she shrugged.

"Good, you don't need it," I just sort of blurted out without giving it any thought.

Bella looked at me skeptically like I was giving her a line, but I wasn't, it was the fucking truth. "You're gorgeous Bella," I said, feeling fucking compelled to say it, because it was true and I wanted her to know it. She didn't need makeup, she was flawless without it.

She looked at me like I was fucking crazy though. "I am not," she sort of laughed all embarrassed and shy. "Stop it Edward." And I could tell she believed herself too. She had no idea how beautiful she was.

"Whatever you say," I shrugged, making a mental note that Bella needed to know how beautiful she was. I volunteered myself to be the one to break it to her.

Then Bella bashfully picked up a tube of mascara, and threw it in the cart. And her face was red…and God she was beautiful.

And even though it was determined that Bella should be placed on the girls that I shouldn't sleep with list, I was having a hard time conceptualizing that in my head.

Because, fuck me, as we were walking the aisles it was taking everything in me not to come up with more excuses to touch her. I wanted to touch her like the dude in the camo hat and Aerosmith t-shirt was touching his girlfriend. Just gently graze her ass as we perused the soap offerings, or hold her against me as she scrutinized over which toothbrush to get.

Maybe it was the old forbidden fruit adage? Maybe I was just suffering a terrible case of wanting something I couldn't have? But it didn't feel like that. It felt like a fucking embarrassing and ridiculous sickness. Like I wanted to tickle her and shit and chase her though the store like we were in some fucking teen movie with a bad 90's pop soundtrack.

_I think it's what the children call a crush? _

And when we found ourselves in the women's unmentionables section, my embarrassing behavior just got that much worse.

"Get those," I said, as I pointed to a pair of pink boy shorts.

Bella laughed and smiled wickedly back at me. "You want my ass to say Princess?"

_Uh yes?_

I picked up another pair and examined them and then showed them to her. "Or, you can have an angel on one cheek and a devil on the other?"

Bella looked at them like they had a disease. "I'm getting these," she sighed with a smile as she grabbed for a bag of boring flowery Hanes.

"But these ones are so awesome," I pouted trying to get a smile out of her, but also feeling a bit of a loss over not getting to see Bella's ass stamped with a devil. So I compromised. "I'm getting them for you," I determined with a shrug, throwing them into the cart.

Bella didn't laugh, but she did give me the stink eye, and immediately took them out. "Oh you would love that wouldn't you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about?"

Then Bella gave me a look that told me she had definitely noticed that I noticed her ass.

_Oops. _

It didn't matter though, because it's not like I was going to be able to hide my crush for very much longer. I was making a fucking fool out of myself as it was, and it felt great. Giddy, carefree, whipped on a girl I never even got to second base with because my hand got fucking stuck in her bra.

I just kept going though, determined to make her laugh. "Well if you won't get those, will you get this?" I asked, pulling a polyester teddy from a rack. It was black and lace and dirty.

"No," she deadpanned. Not even so much as a crack.

"This?" I asked pulling a more sensible, but still hot red satin shorts ensemble.

"No." Same reaction.

Next I spotted a really filthy see through number. "This?"

Then Bella's stone face cracked and she was smiling. "No Edward!" She cried, grabbing it from me like just looking at it was embarrassing her. She rolled it in a ball and shoved it between a stack of sweatpants.

_Bingo! _

"Darn," I said with fake disappointment.

"You're gross," Bella huffed rolling her eyes, but she couldn't hide her smile.

My mission was complete.

I shook off the probably embarrassing grin I had on my face and turned the corner into the men's department, and grabbed a two pack of extra large white t-shirts, deciding it was time to take the shopping thing a little more seriously.

"How about one of these?" I asked Bella, who still didn't have anything in the cart to sleep in.

Bella's eyes showed approval. "Perfect," she nodded and took them from me and threw them in the cart and headed toward the men's boxer briefs.

I followed her like a puppy. "You know that t-shirt has less fabric than that ruffled red shorts and top thing," I said as I followed her. Because really, why didn't she want to get the red ruffled hot satin thing?

Bella stopped and turned around to look at me, and her face was a little serious for my mood. "That t-shirt also costs about $30 less," she sighed, like it was obvious.

"I told you that you could get whatever you want," I shrugged.

Bella's face got even more stern. "Maybe I don't like to erroneously spend money on clothing?" she replied sharply.

_What the fuck?_

I let out a little laugh. "So, that's why you dress like you're homeless?" I asked teasingly, trying to restore the mood.

Bella didn't seem to appreciate it though. "I'm paying for Dartmouth on summer jobs and a part time gig at the campus library. So just watch it ok?"

"Noted," I nodded, feeling a little blood rush to my face, once again feeling like an asshole…well because I was an asshole. But still, I didn't like it when Bella noticed. She still had an uncanny way of intimidating me and making me check myself.

Bella didn't seem mad though. She just shrugged it off with a smile, and gestured with her head for me to follow her…

_Phew…_

So I did.

We got my underwear, and some socks, and ended up in the food aisles. Bella wanted to get some snacks, but I wasn't much for picking out food. I would have probably left with a bag of jerky and a carton of cigarettes, so I left Bella to it. "Hey why don't you get what you want, I'll meet you up front in 5?" I said, eyeing the music and electronics section, there was something I had to get.

Bella looked skeptical, but she agreed. "Ok," she nodded sweetly.

As I was making my way back to the front after getting what I needed from the music section, I walked right through the contraceptives aisle. Don't ask me why I did it, because it's not exactly easy to explain…but I grabbed a pack of Trojans, and kept moving.

I spotted my favorite long red puffer jacket and mess of long brown hair perusing the magazines near the checkout.

"Pringles…right on," I said sidling up to Bella, using every last bit of strength I had not to grab her waist. But I did have a gift for her. "Here," I winked, elbowing her, and knocking my little gift against her arm.

Bella looked down. "Neil Young?" She asked like she was a little taken aback.

"I thought you might miss it," I whispered.

"Thank you," she said, and I could tell she really appreciated it. But I just wanted her to have it; I didn't care whether or not it would earn me points.

"You're welcome," I nodded.

Then with a deep nervous breath, I threw my other forgotten item on the belt.

Bella just watched with a red face as they made their journey from the belt, to the scanner, to the bag. She didn't say anything. She was just sort of frozen, and I wasn't exactly sure how to approach her. I wasn't exactly sure what she was thinking? Because in my mind, I wanted to think she was thinking like I was.

But I couldn't read her, so we just packed up the cart and left.

When we made it out into the lot, Bella didn't waste time confronting me though. She stopped the cart immediately as we got to the car, and it scraped and shrieked on the pavement.

_Fuck!_

She turned around to look at me. "Seriously?" She cried, and I could tell immediately she wasn't happy. "Condoms Edward?"

I couldn't think of what I wanted to say? Somewhere, I knew there was a reason I bought them…a good one. But I was having trouble coming up with a way to verbalize that to Bella.

"I believe in safety?" I shrugged dopily…because that was true, and always a good reason to buy condoms. But, fuck that wasn't it!

Bella's hands went to her hips. "What part of not happening did you miss?" She whined, but her anger was showing more as disappointment then, and I didn't know which was worse?

"I'm sorry?"

"And the Neil Young? Was that to butter me up?"

"What? No!" I cried, because _no_ that was not the fucking reason I bought her the CD.

I took a breath and tried to get my thoughts straight. She couldn't be mad at me, not for this. "Bella, it's just…I don't know?" Was all that my panicked brain could come up with, and that was just not good enough.

Bella's sad and disappointed face told me that it was just not good enough.

_Fuck! Think you asshole! _

I walked away from Bella a moment, and she was sort of frozen where she stood. I paced the parking lot, and tore at my hair a bit, and willed my brain to come up with the words that would make her understand. Because if she didn't understand, I wasn't sure what I was going to do.

When it finally came to me, it just made so much fucking sense…

So, I let out a sigh and softened my expression and walked towards her, putting my lips to her ear. "Just in case ok?" I whispered so fucking honestly, I was surprised with myself. She had to know that there was a possibility. The possibility is why I threw them in the cart. She couldn't deny that there was a possibility. Not after everything that had happened already.

Bella took in a gasping breath, and I didn't move from her ear. "Why are you doing this?" She moaned, and I could hear her voice cracking beside me.

_Because I like you and I want to be safe in case something happens… _

"I guess I just thought…"

"You thought wrong Edward," she said gravely, and she started walking away from me.

I followed her. "I wasn't going to try to get you to sleep with me Bella! I swear! It was just a precautionary purchase, just in case!"

She turned around. "In case what?" She spat.

_In case you like me as much as I like you! _

"God, Bella please don't play dumb?" I begged, because I didn't think I could handle her just denying what was happening between us, just pretending she couldn't fucking feel it.

But then she said the words that I feared the most. "Edward you sleep with anything that moves!" she cried, and her eyes were beginning to water, and she looked so fucking upset with me. "How am I supposed to be playing it?"

And _that_ hurt to hear. I knew she knew that I was a slime-ball. But for her to use it against me when I was just trying to be honest with her about how I felt, really fucking hurt.

"That's really how you see me still? After everything?" I asked feeling overcome, feeling sick with myself. I was feeling something really real, and it hurt. Fuck it hurt!

Bella wiped tears out of her eyes and she looked at me coldly. "It's how I have to see you Edward, to get myself through this trip," she sighed, her eyes sort of beseeching me to understand.

But I didn't. "What does that mean?" I begged. Because really, what? She had to see me as an asshole to get herself through the trip? I thought we were over that bullshit!

Bella's eyes filled up with more tears and her voice got shaky. "You're going to make me say it?" She cried, like she didn't want to.

But I needed her to. "Could you please?"

Bella looked to me, really looked. "Don't make me fall for you Edward," she begged in a whisper, her body starting to shake with cries.

I went to her, and cupped my hands to her face. "Why not?" I pleaded, because I wasn't giving up.

The look she gave me back told me it might be a lost cause though. "Just don't," she cried into my hands. "Please?"

In her eyes I could see that she wasn't going to let me try to be something more to her. She wasn't going to be my guinea pig girlfriend experiment. She just wasn't going to let me be with her. At all. She couldn't, she had to protect herself from assholes like me.

I dropped my hands from her face and my expression turned from hopeful begging to cold iciness. "Fine," I said frigidly. "I won't."

"Edward…I…"

"It's fine Bella, I get it."

And I did.

**AN- Have a great weekend! Hope you enjoyed! This was supposed to start out as a humorous story, but turned pretty angsty, pretty fast. Sorry. **

**But, it's nothing compared to my other story The Boy in the Water. If you're in the mood for some hardcore angst, check that one out. It's my baby, and I am trying to get some writer's block cleared so I can finish it properly. Sorry for the plug, but that's sort of the truth of why I'm writing this one in the first place. **

**:) **


	11. Chapter 11

**The Sure Thing Chapter 11**

**EPOV**

Rejection felt shitty.

I had rejected hundreds of girls throughout the years. Most, before anything ever happened…I had standards after all. Not excellent ones, mind you, but standards nevertheless.

However, there were many girls that I'd rejected only after I'd already slept with them. In fact, I eventually rejected every girl I'd ever slept with. Every single one.

Most, after a one night stand. A few I would hook up with while drunk on the weekends, then just pretend that I didn't know them during the week, and then hook up with them again the next weekend.

I was surprised at how many girls were ok with that too. How many girls I could just barely acknowledge outside of the bedroom, and basically be a total dick to, who would just give it up to me whenever I wanted them to.

And when I saw a girl getting too comfortable, I would just end it. Just never talk to her again. Ignore her. Lock her out of my room in her underwear…

I did that to Jane Picket. And honestly, I had never given it a second thought until Bella brought it up. Jane had asked me to come home with her for a weekend to meet her parents. I mean, was she fucking crazy? The only interaction we had ever had was during sex, or me awkwardly scrambling out of her room at all hours of the morning.

Some girls just got these fucking fanciful ideas about what they meant to me. And none of them meant anything to me at all. Not one.

Until Bella.

She was pissed at me for overstepping with the whole condom purchase. I was pissed at her for doing to me what I had done to countless girls in the past. I was mad at her for rejecting me.

But her reasons were obviously different than mine. She didn't reject me because she was tired of fucking me and I was getting too clingy. She rejected me because I was the guy who rejected girls because I was tired of fucking them and they were getting too clingy.

And that was just fucking pissing me off too…the judgment, the uppity-ness of it all. After all she was the psycho who hated me for five years because her mom was a whore and I had a little help on projects in high school. I mean, please.

So, I was freezing her out. It was the only reaction I could handle beyond begging her like an asshole. And I wasn't going there, I had some fucking pride.

So I just refocused my thoughts, or tried to at least, on getting home and getting with Tanya Denali. If Bella wasn't going to let me try and change, than fuck her, I wasn't changing.

_Here I come Tanya! Or something like that…Fuck, I don't know?_

Bella and I switched places driving about an hour after we passed Bismarck. She was taking the second half of the leg to Missoula. The transition was silent. The pit stops were silent. Everything was silent. I couldn't be sure if Bella didn't think she was the one freezing me out, or if I was the one freezing her out? But needless to say, neither one of us was talking.

I fell asleep somewhere between Glendive and Miles City, and woke to the sound of Bella slamming the trunk door.

She didn't even wake me up, she just up and left the car, leaving me to fucking freeze or something.

And I was already having recurring fucking nightmares about her trying to kick me in the nuts in parking lots and spilling hot coffee over me while cackling that she didn't get me any. I didn't need that shit to become real again.

Locking the car behind me, I took off after her. She was carrying our Wal-Mart bags like luggage, stumbling up to the entrance to the…_ The Livingston Inn?_

To anyone without a map, Livingston Montana is about 250 miles east of Missoula. She left us more than 3 hours short of our destination.

"Why aren't we in Missoula?" I called behind her as she was almost to the door, sounding irritated and short tempered. Because why the _fuck_ weren't we in Missoula?

Bella turned in a huff. "Because Missoula is still another four hours away and my back is killing me and I'm exhausted," she spat, looking over it, looking spent, looking beautiful…

_Doh!_

But you know what? That wasn't good enough for me. She could have asked me to relieve her before she got off the interstate. I had fucking plans I had to get home to damn it…

"We agreed on Missoula," I reminded her coldly, trying not to show my hand, trying to stay calm.

Bella looked confused. "It's four little hours in a four day trip Edward, who cares?" She whined.

"Maybe I care?"

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Why aren't _we _in Missoula?"

"Is this because of before, because I said no to you?"

_Damn. _

"I don't know what you're talking about?" I shrugged coolly, keeping my expression blank. But I knew she was onto me, I never was a good actor.

Bella looked exacerbated by my fuckery. "Oh real mature Edward; I can't believe this!" She cried, as she dropped the Wal-Mart bags to the pavement and threw her hands in the air in total fury.

But I just kept goading her like an asshole. "You can't believe that I want to keep to a schedule?" I asked like a prick, unable to stop myself, even though I saw that she was getting legitimately upset, even though I saw tears beginning to form in her eyes.

I wasn't about to admit that she had figured me out. I wasn't about to say that I was an emotionally immature tool who couldn't take her rejection. So I was freezing her out and dicking her over.

But Bella just seemed really confused and upset, looking at me like I was an alien that she didn't recognize. "You know what?" She cried as her tears began to pick up. "Feel free to drive yourself!" She screeched, coming towards me, her hands shoving into me with force, knocking me off my feet a little bit.

But I didn't react, I just let her push.

Rolling her eyes, and realizing she couldn't get any sort of reaction or apology from me, Bella reached for the Wal-Mart bags off the wet pavement in disgust, and plodded toward the hotel door again.

I followed her, just feeling compelled to win, whatever winning meant. I wanted to get the last word in. After all, I was the one bending over again for her. She wasn't just allowed to reject me, and then make me miss the Seahawks party. She couldn't do both…

"Well maybe I have plans Friday night and I'm keeping to a schedule for a reason?" I informed her as I followed. "Did you ever think of that?" I pressed like a dick as she turned to me.

"What plans?" She asked incredulously. "You didn't tell me about any plans?"

"You didn't ask," I shrugged. "But, of course you didn't, because let's face it Bella, this entire trip has been about me accommodating you," I said, giving her my best and final blow, and feeling immediately like shit for it.

And needless to say Bella rightly didn't take it well. "Accommodate this!" She screamed, giving me the fucking finger, turning and just running into the hotel.

I followed her in, as she shuffled up to the desk.

"One room please," she cried shrilly to the attendant, just barreling right up there.

I stood and watched, because I didn't want to make a scene, but I was curious how the transaction was going to go down considering Bella was broke.

"That's one hundred and twenty five dollars," the attendant said to a just completely irate and frazzled Bella.

I started for my wallet…

"Do you take cash?" Bella eked out through her sniffles and frantic hair tugs.

_What? _

"Bella that's all your money…" I started to say from behind her…

Bella's body stiffened, realizing I was in her space. "Leave me alone Edward, I can accommodate myself you asshole," she shouted back at me in response.

Then she threw a wad of cash on the counter, and the attendant gave her a key, and she took off again.

And of course, I followed her.

There was a war going on in my head. One side just wanted to fucking apologize to her and hug her and wipe those tears from her eyes and tell her how much she was starting to mean to me, and how sorry I was for fucking up something that could have been…something…

But the other side was just a proud dickhead who didn't take well to some girl just fucking around with my trip, and my plans, and my ego, and my fucking manhood.

For some reason, the other side was winning. My ego was too huge.

When she got to her door and started fumbling with her key, I just had to start up again. "I have plans Bella, and I just want to make it home for them is all," I tried to explain, like somehow that would make her feel bad, like somehow I could make her feel bad by just continuing my relentless pushing.

Bella growled under her breath, and turned to me, leaving the key in the slot. "Well go! No one is stopping you!" She cried furiously. "I can take the bus from here!"

"No you can't, you just spent all of your money," I came back at her like an ass.

"My ticket from before is still good. So go! GO!" She screamed, just fucking screamed as tears just started pouring from her eyes.

I stood frozen and watched her cry for a beat, and then the other side of the war just lost...

With a remorseful sigh, I grabbed her, and pulled her as tightly as I could to my chest all dramatically, because I couldn't stand seeing her cry anymore, and I couldn't stand being a dick to her anymore. It wasn't worth it. There was no winning in this internal battle of mine. I was losing, and Bella was losing.

But I was wrong to think it was over when I hugged her, and that things would just go back to being good between us…because Bella fought against me and tried to squirm and wiggle from my grasp.

"Let me go!" She cried through her sobs.

Then I tried to get a hold of her face, and when I did, I tried to kiss her. "Don't!" She screamed trying to wiggle away from me, not letting my lips anywhere near her face.

Then, she stomped down hard on my foot.

_Motherfucker!_

It fucking hurt because of her combat boots, and she managed to get away from me. And if possible, the situation was just getting worse instead of better.

_Fuck!_

She started in a run toward the icy steps, and I went after her. "Stop telling me don't!" I cried, just finally ready to get it out, finally ready to fix it. "You didn't even give me a chance! You just wrote me off before I even had a chance to try!"

Bella turned, and glared at me with red eyes. "Is that how you _try_ Edward? By audaciously buying a pack of condoms completely out of the blue and then being a total prick to the first girl who tells you _no_?" She spat.

And she had a point…

But she was missing a bigger point. The fact that I was fucking clueless. "I don't know what else to do Bella? I've never done this before!" I whined.

"Done what?"

_God, can't you see?_

"Tried with a girl!" I cried.

Bella let out a mournful sigh, like she was fucking tired of it all. "You don't do _this_ Edward," she started in a tearful whimper. "You don't make me feel as hideously awful as I do right now. It's like you decided that you liked me on a whim, and a few hours later you're trying to sleep with me? Why would you do that?" She begged desperately, rubbing tears out of her eyes.

And I heard her. And I felt like total shit. But she as way off on a few points.

"I don't know why I do the shit I do Bella? But I do like you, it's not a whim," I tried assuring her, trying to wipe the coldness and the smugness and the bogus indifference off my face. Just trying to be real with her and tell her how I felt.

"Yes it is Edward," Bella stuttered through her cries. "It has to be."

"No, it's not," I asserted, because it _wasn't_ a fucking whim.

Then Bella's tears picked up again, and she said something that really surprised me. "It has to be." She began in a cold sad tone. "Because in the real world, Edward Cullen doesn't like girls like me."

_What?_

"What are you talking about?"

"It doesn't make sense for you to like me Edward," she cried. "I mean look at you! It doesn't make sense. We don't make sense!"

She was intimidated by me or something. Insecure maybe? I couldn't tell. But, what I could tell was that she was wrong…

Fuck, I was nobody. Just an immature asshole with some good looks that frankly, were more of a curse to me than a blessing. They allowed me to skate by, use people, and develop the massively disproportionate ego that got me in so much fucking trouble. She didn't get me at all. And she didn't understand that if it made sense for me to like anyone, anyone in the world, it would be a girl who challenged me and put me in check like Bella did.

I took a step towards her, holding a hand out in surrender and finding her eyes so she wouldn't run away. And with a soft expression, I just fucking spilled. "You're the only person that I've ever told about my mom and baby Alice. You're the only girl who has ever made me check myself, or doubt myself, or even think to be a better person. You're smart, and beautiful, and completely fucking crazy…but in a good way. And that kiss in the car Bella. Fuck, that was a great fucking kiss. And I am willing to bet you feel the exact same way. So to me, it makes perfect fucking sense for me to like you," I whispered to her, moving slowly closer as I spoke, just trying to make her see I wasn't fucking around. I liked her. I liked her a lot, and I wanted her to know it.

Bella's eyes closed while I spoke and she held her breath and took in my words. She was still for a moment and I just waited with bated breath for her reaction.

Finally, she opened her eyes to look at me. "Come on," she sighed, and wagged her head towards her hotel room door. "We can talk about this inside."

So, she walked to her room…and I followed her. If she led, I would always follow her…

**AN- Don't have much to say, but thanks to all of the people who left me some nice reviews last chapter! Sometimes a little motivation makes all the difference. Thank you. **

**Have a nice week, and I will try and update soon!**


	12. Chapter 12

**The Sure Thing Chapter 12**

**EPOV**

The room was small and cozy, and dimly lit. And the pale and simple patterns in the upholstery were different from the harsh dark florals in most hotels.

Bella took her coat off and dropped the bags, and sort of hesitated to turn around and face me.

"Can I sit?" I whispered to her small bony back, her hair was standing static above her head when she removed her coat. I just sat quietly, trying to seem as unassuming and unthreatening as possible.

"Sure," she sighed, as her fingers sort of angrily tried to push her hair into place, as she paced in front of me. She was a bit amped up, but also seemingly exhausted. I couldn't read her.

"Just tell me what you're thinking Bella?" I asked, because we needed to just get it going, get it out, and whatever the outcome, move forward.

Bella stopped pacing and her feet were sort of tapping and jittering, like she was about to burst with something, but was carefully considering what she was about to say.

When the tapping stopped, she turned around, and her tear stained face looked sad in the lamplight. "Ok," she started to say seemingly nervous. "For one, you scare me." Her eyes were worried and confused, and her body language told me that she didn't know what to do with herself in that moment… or with me.

She was scared, that much was obvious. But I didn't want to scare her with my grand fucking admission outside. I wanted her to fucking admit it back.

I stood from the bed, and went right to her. I was sick of the bullshit. "I don't want to scare you," I said gently, reaching for her, but stopping short of touching her.

She looked so tiny and vulnerable standing there in her sweater and jeans…The boots that almost broke my toe, for once revealing themselves for what they really were. They were a wall between Bella and the outside world. Her clothes were a safety blanket; her giant red coat her armor.

I felt stupid for never seeing it before. Maybe I had, but she was being too bitchy and too unsympathetic for me to really notice.

"Bella I don't want to scare you," I repeated softly, hoping that she heard me, hoping that she understood that if anything, I wanted to protect her and keep her safe from the things that she was afraid of.

"I know you don't _want_ to scare me Edward, but you do," she whimpered, and tears again began filling her beautiful brown eyes again.

I moved even closer. "Why?" I begged, needing to know what it was about me, stupid asshole me, that had her so afraid.

"I don't know?"

"That's not good enough. Tell me why? Why do I scare you?"

"You just _do_ Edward!" She cried, her eyes once again pleading with me to understand…

But I didn't. "Just tell me?" I whined back.

Then Bella looked at me, and it was like she lost all of her resolve. "Oh fuck it!" She cried. "I'm scared of you, because I like you so much, and that terrifies me!" she cried.

When her cry died out, it was followed by a moment of absolute solid tangible tension between us, as we stared into each other. Bella was breathing heavily, and so was I…And I wanted to fucking kiss her…I wanted to so bad, but I didn't, because I didn't want to pressure her, I didn't want to overstep…

But I didn't have to, because with a whimpering moan, Bella's posture slackened, and she came at me, and before I could process it, her mouth was clamped to mine and her hips we tight to my body.

Her chilly fingers were pressed to my neck, and she was fucking kissing me.

It took a moment to process, to let it sink in. Her mouth was moving against mine, and that fucking vaporous chill that starts in your gut and radiates your entire body was moving through me.

It felt so fucking good, and I just let myself feel it, let myself get fucking lost in it. For once, just really let a girl kiss me. Not as a means to an end, but for what it was…

_A fucking amazing kiss. _

When I finally reacted, I rolled my tongue into her mouth and gripped my hands to her ass and pulled her even closer to me. She gasped and her nose was cold, and her hair was fruity but musty from the long day, and her mouth tasted like Bella…sweet and salty and everything in between.

The kiss felt so good, and felt so right, and it ached in my chest. Like I couldn't get enough of her, like I needed her to always want to kiss me. Like if she ever stopped wanting to, it would end me.

So I just kept going, and kissing her was easy. The way our tongues moved together, the way her soft and delicate hands hit my neck and pulled at my hair and stimulated me, but soothed me, and made me feel it more, made me feel her there with me.

I didn't try to undress her. I didn't try to feel her up. I just kissed her…standing upright, fully clothed, in the middle of the tiny room in the Inn.

We kissed until our lips were raw, and my whiskers were scraping Bella's face. We kissed right up to the point where we knew, both of us, that if we didn't stop, we wouldn't…

But, I did. I stopped because that was the right thing to do. With Bella, I didn't want to rush it.

I realized that with Bella, I wanted to do it right.

Our deep diving spine quivering kisses cooled into pecks. Slow, sort of indulgent pecks. Like we couldn't stop the contact…like it was too addictive.

Finally, with great strength, I moved my mouth from her lips, and I stole a brief glance at her…peaches and cream, eyes closed and brimming with _tears_? She was crying still, softly, and maybe unbeknownst to her. But there were tears edging her lashes.

So, I pressed my mouth to her left eye then, right to the soft skin and lashes. I could feel her sort of dissolve in my hands when my lips touched her. So I held them there, just wanting her tears to end. "It's going to be okay Bella," I sighed, as my lips retreated her left eye and moved to the right. "Don't cry."

She took a breath and looked up to me, and revealed to me the source of her tears. "I asked you not to make me fall for you," she whimpered, her wide brown eyes telling me simultaneously her defeat and her joy. There was a smile behind her eyes, and I could feel a smile behind mine too.

"I think it's a little too late for that," I sighed, kissing her forehead gently, and pulling her body tightly to my chest. And she let me, and eased into me like she always belonged there.

I held her there, sort of rocking her, and leaving soft kisses on the top of her head. "It's going to be alright Bella," I kept repeating. "You don't have to be scared."

And when the moment passed, and her tears were dry, and our fucking exhausted bodies both began to crave sleep…we separated.

Bella let go of my hands slowly, lingering for a moment longer. "I need a shower," she smiled. And transitioning back to normal mundane behavior after what had just happened seemed so strange.

So I just nodded to her with a soft expression. "Ok, I'll be right here," I said.

She went into the bathroom, and I sat down with a triumphant humph at the end of the bed. I was grinning like an idiot, and my thoughts were racing and I felt giddy and vindicated and just supremely supremely happy. I wanted to fucking fist pump the air, or run outside and just scream.

I opted for a pillow. I grabbed a pillow from the bed and just pressed it to my face. "Yeaaahhh!" I cried into it, the pillow muffling the noise. "Fuck yeah!"

Then I laid back on the bed, and the pillow fell from my hands. I closed my eyes and just let it sink in a little bit. I let the fucking momentous right of passage that was occurring in my life sink in. I was falling for a girl. I was doing it. It was happening…

Before, I thought I might have been wired wrong, or too jaded, or cynical. But that was all fucking bullshit, because it was fucking happening, and I vowed to myself that I wasn't going to fuck it up.

"I will not fuck this up."

I smoked a couple of cigarettes on the balcony, and enjoyed the night maybe more than any night I had ever remembered.

And when Bella came out in her little white t-shirt and underwear, all rosy and pinked from the shower, I was beyond happy to see her. "Ready for bed?" She asked, her little white legs shivering in the cold.

I rose from my perch and threw my cigarette over the edge. "Lead the way," I smiled.

That night we got ready for bed pretty much as normal…brushing our teeth, combing our hair, flossing…but we were smiling at each other like we had a secret. And we did. We were fucking crazy about each other. And it felt fucking great.

Bella crawled into bed and I was waiting for her in my matching t-shirt and boxer briefs. She nuzzled my neck and ruffled my hair and traced my jaw and kissed my cheek and curled up next to me, and knew in her heart that I wasn't going to push her to do more. Because I wasn't. She steered the ship…I was just the grateful passenger.

"Hey Edward?" she asked into the quiet room, breaking the almost dreamlike silence.

"Yeah Bella?"

"I'm sorry you're going to miss out on your plans tomorrow night," she whispered, her lips sort of chewing on my t-shirt making it wet.

I let out a low laugh that shook us both gently…and lied. "I didn't have any plans Bella," I said, kissing the top of her head. "I was just being an asshole and trying to make you feel bad."

Bella stiffened a little and her head lifted from my chest, and she looked at me in the black and gray world of our darkened room. "Edward!" She cried with a laugh and smacked her hand into my forehead. "How could you do that to me?"

I reached for her head and pulled it back into the crook of my arm. "Sorry," I sighed apologetically. "I'm working on the maturity thing."

Bella nuzzled in deeper. "I know you are," she whispered.

And then we were quiet again.

When Bella finally nodded off, her warm damp strawberry head nestled in the crook of my arm, I grabbed for my phone and texted Emmett.

_Emmett: Not going to make party. _

_Don't know when I'll be home. _

_See you when I see you. _

_Give Tanya my regrets. – Edward._

Bella was never going to know about Tanya, or my plans, or the more disgusting and intimate details of my past. I was a new man with her…gentle, loving, respectful, and kind. She wouldn't know about my fuck date with a music video slut…

_She'll never know…_

_She'll never know…_

_She'll never know…_

It repeated in my head like a mantra as I finally fell asleep…The girl, the only girl for me, sleeping soundly in my arms.

**AN- Short chapter, but sort of a major transitional one too if you know what I mean. We move forward form this point with a couple…yay!**


	13. Chapter 13

**The Sure Thing Chapter 13**

**EPOV**

I woke up early, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't tell if my sleeplessness was due to excitement, or fucking anxiety over what had transpired the night before. I felt a new responsibility, like I was all of a sudden accountable for my actions. Like for once in my life I had something to fight for, but also something to lose. It wasn't all fist pumps and high fucking fives. I was fucking scared too.

Bella was in my arms, sleeping and peaceful. She was obviously fucking zonked, and passed out cold.

She was so beautiful sleeping in my arms…more beautiful than I had ever seen her. Every passing hour I spent with her, I realized more and more that Bella Swan was a fucking goddess, and my underdeveloped high school brain was too dense to see it years ago. She was understated and natural and organic. She wasn't fake tits Tanya Denali. No, she was so much more than that.

With a contented sigh, I kissed her forehead and rolled her over onto my pillow, and got up and headed for the shower.

I checked myself in the mirror when I got to the bathroom because I wanted to see if I looked any different. Did a man with a girlfriend look different than an asshole?

Not really…maybe a little more confident? Eh, maybe not.

_I think I need a haircut though…_

I soaped up and jerked off…I mean please, her ass was pressed into my dick all fucking night…

Then I made my way to the small iron and concrete balcony and sparked my morning cigarette.

Montana was fucking unbelievable. Probably the coolest fucking spot I'd ever seen. Mountains, and valleys, and snow, and blue sky, and just massive and grand. It sort of took my breath away. And its grandeur just got my mind racing with more existential fucking questions dickheads like me tried to avoid thinking about.

Like, what does it all mean? Where am I going? What is my purpose? Am I really the useless fuck I think I am? Have I EVER done anything good in my entire life? Do I even deserve the goddess inside that hotel room?

Before I could lose my shit over how sad an existence I had led to that point, Bella found me out on the balcony, pulling at my cigarette like a manic creeper.

A smile hit my face instantly seeing her, all leggy and tiny and Russell Brand fucking hair. She smiled and came jumping toward me in her bare feet, half naked in her t-shirt and underwear and nothing else.

She was freezing her ass off, so I grabbed for her and pulled her into my lap. "Clothes help," I laughed, as I gripped her thighs and swung them over my legs and ran my hands up and down them to warm her.

She sat up in my lap and smiled at me. "What are you doing out here? How long have you been up?" She asked, nuzzling into my leather jacket, trying to find warmth.

"About an hour. I was just thinking about some stuff," I said, while I dropped out of my sleeves and put my coat over Bella like a blanket

"Figure anything out?" She asked sweetly, her body shivering.

Had I figured anything out? Only that I felt completely unworthy of Bella, had absolutely no direction in life, and realized once and for all that I was indeed a worthless little shit. Ya know, the normal stuff.

"I don't know yet? I guess we'll see," I shrugged, trying to convey to her with my eyes that if she had noticed I was a worthless little shit, I was working on it.

Bella just smiled, and didn't push me with more questions. Then she looked around for the first time that morning, just really seeing our fucking magnificent surroundings.

"Wow, Montana is…wow," Bella gasped in awe.

"I know," I agreed.

"It's absolutely gorgeous," she breathed.

_No kidding._

"It is," I said, implying double meaning. Montana was gorgeous, but not nearly as gorgeous as the creature sitting in my lap.

Bella smiled and shoved my shoulder, her face instantly turning red with a blush. "Shut up," she whined.

"Just saying," I shrugged with a smile.

Lazily, Bella reached up and ran her fingers through my hair, giving it a gentle tug. She looked into me with her eyes and the contact just sent a shiver up my spine. Then her chilly little fingers traced along my jaw, and she held them there. "You're cute in the morning," she whispered with a bashful grin.

"You're cute always," I replied, just relishing in the feel of her hands on my skin.

Then she lifted her head a bit and kissed my jaw, right where her hand just rested. "So handsome," she sort of cooed to me all content and satisfied. And I knew what she was feeling, because I was feeling it too.

I slipped my hands up from under the coat and reached to grip the back of her neck. I pulled her head gently towards my face, and dropped my lips to hers. She obliged me, and was like putty in my hands, just easing into my kiss, just letting go, and letting it happen.

I kissed her on the balcony. I kissed her good.

We spent the morning huddled under my coat, kissing, and enjoying the awesome Montana morning.

When we finally hit the road, it was past noon. Any semblance of a schedule was out the door. We were taking our good old time, and I was actively ignoring the just barrage of texts coming into my phone from Emmett. He could fuck off.

Around 3pm, we found ourselves in a diner eating hamburgers and just talking. When we weren't kissing, we were talking. I liked talking to Bella…I liked it so much.

We had already covered high school fucktards we both hated like Mike Newton…world events, suspicions about what the meat in the Chili at Dartmouth dining halls actually was, and the pros and cons of Mac vs. PC.

But I was growing tired of the small talk, and I wanted, no I needed to get to the real stuff. Because kissing Bella was great, and I was cool with it. But we were both 21 years old, and I was no fucking virgin, and something in the way Bella was kissing me told me that our little no sex getting to know each other because she didn't trust me and she was scared charade wasn't going to last forever. I needed to know who had been there before me, because I was a fucking douche like that.

"So not to be nosy or anything, but considering you know the gist of my track record, can you tell me about yours?" I asked sort of out of the blue, while Bella was telling me about her desire to own chickens one day.

Bella gave me a look that told me she was just waiting for me to bring that up; like she was shocked it took me as long as it did. But maybe she didn't realize that I had been thinking about it almost constantly since I picked her up in Chicago? The curiosity had just reached its fever pitch. I couldn't wait anymore.

"Um," she started sort of shyly. "I had a pretty serious boyfriend, but we broke up a year ago," she shrugged, like it was no big deal.

And I played it cool too, at least I think I did, but internally I already wanted to kill that guy, whoever the fuck he was.

"That's it? That's all you're going to tell me?" I said, because that just was not going to do. I needed to know more.

Bella let out a deep sigh, and resigned, knowing she'd have to tell me. "His name is Riley Biers? We started dating the summer after graduation. We dated for about two years long distance after that, but it didn't work out. I haven't really dated anyone before or since," she said, again seeming nonchalant. And I hoped she really was nonchalant, and didn't give a fuck about Riley Biers…

_Wait, Riley Biers? The good looking popular senior when we were freshman? _

I fucking knew who Riley Biers was, and he was not some dork from Forks. He was cool, and athletic, and in a band, and way the fuck older than we were.

"Riley Biers is like three years older than us," I said, because that's all I could think to say at that moment.

_What the fuck?_

"High school boys weren't really my thing," Bella shrugged.

_Oh, that's news. _

"You are just full of surprises," I laughed outwardly, but inwardly I wanted to fucking kill someone.

Because, fuck, I didn't know Bella dated a good looking, mature, accomplished, older dude for two years! I thought I was dealing with someone a bit clueless and inexperienced who wouldn't have expectations for how I should be acting in my new boyfriend role? I thought we were learning together? I just never stopped to think that Bella _might _have real life actual relationship experience.

And why the fuck wouldn't I? She's amazing, and gorgeous, and fun, and crazy. Of fucking course she did!

_Fuck!_

I guess I just let myself have some grand illusion that while she was obsessively hating me for the better part of five years, she wasn't doing anything else. I let myself believe she was obsessed with only me, and that consumed all of her time and energy.

Fuck, clearly, I was wrong. She did say that she basically forgot about hating me after high school, and only started up again recently with her mom's new affair. I guess there were a few years there unaccounted for in my deluded fucking head.

Bella was just staring at me, and I could feel myself starting to sweat…So I swallowed my pride and got back to the conversation at hand. I had asked for it after all. "So just one guy?" I sort of stuttered out, hoping she'd have mercy, and not reveal another one.

"Yep," she just shrugged.

"Just him?"

"Just him."

_Phew!_

"So are you still in touch?" I asked nervously, because knowing that was important.

Bella shook her head. "Uh huh. I think he hopes we'll get back together when I graduate college. He's working as a stock broker in Los Angeles," she said, and as she said it my sweat just started to fucking flow.

_A Stock Broker? Well, fuck, how the heck can I compete with that?_

"You're not going to are you?" I pressed. Because please God, don't say you're considering it!

Bella laughed, and I could see in her eyes that she noticed I was sweating it…literally. "No, Edward," she smiled, reaching for my hand that was nervously tapping on the table. "I'm not getting back together with Riley."

Then I breathed for the first time in minutes, feeling the contact of Bella's skin on mine, and seeing the honest look in her eyes.

Shit, it was fucking scary though. Those moments of insecurity? Not knowing if she was really mine at all? It was terrifying.

"Riley was great, but our relationship stayed pretty surface," Bella said, like she was assuring me of something, her thumb lightly tracing the back of my hand.

"What do you mean surface?" I asked, ready to hear about all of her problems with Riley. I needed her to dis him. I needed her to tell me he was a prick.

But she didn't.

"I don't think he ever even saw me cry. I couldn't be myself around him. He was older, and I was too embarrassed to really show him the real me," she said, and I heard her. Bella was a complicated chick. She was sensitive, and emotional, and nervous, and shy. She was layered and real, and I guess being able to be herself wasn't something she felt she could do with Riley…

But she could with me.

"Have I seen the real you?" I asked gently, but I already knew the answer.

"Yeah, I'd say you have," Bella laughed lightly, showing me with her eyes that I had, I really had.

"Good," I nodded.

_Take that Riley Biers!_

We strolled out to the car hand in hand, and I couldn't tell Bella, because it was fucking embarrassing, but it was the first time I had ever held hands with a girl.

I realized Bella probably held Riley's hand. Bella probably told Riley she loved him at one point too. Bella probably slept in the crook of his arm, and he probably smelled her strawberry shampoo, and he also probably knew about her desire to own chickens one day.

And I was going to have to eat that. I was going to have to just accept that Bella had been there before with a guy. That my rite of passage and my learning to be in a relationship for the first time was a ride I was taking solo.

But as we approached the car, Bella indicated to me that even though I might be learning by myself, I wasn't alone, she was along for the ride with me. She dropped my hand, and wrapped her arms snuggly around my waist and looked up at me with a warm bright smile, then got up on her tiptoes and landed a soft kiss on my lips. "I haven't even thought…"she started, nuzzling into my ear and kissing it. "…about Riley since the minute I sat down in your car," she finished in a raspy whisper.

"Yeah?" I asked, leaning into the fucking amazing sensation of her mouth on my ear.

"Yeah," she whispered.

Then I gripped her head and pulled her into me and I kissed her again, long and good in the parking lot, my lips trying to erase Bella's memory of Riley fucking Biers.

And when she started moaning and panting, and just getting hot under my hands, I knew that was it for Riley Biers. He was history.

_Haha sucker!_

**AN- Have a great weekend! Hope you enjoyed! :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**The Sure Thing Chapter 14**

**EPOV**

Bella and I really got into it in the diner parking lot. I left sporting wood, and for the first time ever, I was feeling the mysterious pain of blue balls. What was a guy to do in that situation? Excuse myself to go jerk off? Ask Bella to be a doll and take care of the problem for me in the parking lot?

No, neither option seemed appropriate, seeing as Bella had never even seen my dick, let alone touched it, and I wasn't fucking disgusting enough to ever consider jerking off in a public restroom.

It was definitely a new experience for me…making out, with absolutely no intention to do the deed afterward. However, the not doing the deed thing was just making me want to do the deed that much more. Buildup, with no payoff was like this new and amazing experience for me. Suddenly I knew the meaning of sexual tension…because Bella and I were experiencing some fucking epic sexual tension.

Driving down the interstate, Bella was sitting in the passenger seat all squirmy and lazy eyed and just biting at her lip and eyeing me like she wanted it. Her fuck me face, and my blue balls were just the result of too many fucking awesome kisses for one day. Something was going to have to give. But it wasn't going to be me. If Bella wanted to take things farther, that was her call. No fucking way was I even going to insinuate that the pace we were currently keeping was giving my penis a migraine.

However, there was a question in my head that I knew could easily gauge the situation, gauge what Bella was down for…

_Should we stop?_

See, I figured that if we stopped again, got in bed together again, alone, we would almost certainly end up going there, because our bodies were just begging us to. But if we drove all the way home without stopping again, we'd probably wait a bit longer, spend some time apart, slow things down to a normal pace…

It was already dark, and we still had at least 7 hours of driving until we reached Forks, so stopping wasn't a completely absurd idea…

I turned to Bella. "We can stop? Or, I can just keep going? We'll make it home really late, but we'll be home," I said, bracing myself for Bella's decision, because how we proceeded was completely dependent on her.

Bella lowered her eyes and bit her lip. "Well what do you want to do?" She asked coyly, wiggling nervously in her seat.

_I don't know? _

And I didn't know. I wanted to do what she wanted. If she wasn't ready, than neither was I. But if she was?

"I'm leaving this one up to you Bella," I said coolly, not wanting to seem committed to anything.

Bella bit down harder on her lip, and her body which was already hovering close to mine, moved even closer. "I think we should stop then," she whispered, her knee brushing my thigh, signaling to me that she was ready to stop. She was ready.

_She was ready? Shit…_

I gulped audibly. "Ok," I nodded, and put my blinker on to exit the interstate.

We chose a Holiday Inn Express in Spokane Washington.

Bella stood quietly behind me as I paid for the room, twisting her ankles, and her face blushing like crazy. She was gripping the Wal-Mart bags that contained the box of condoms.

When the transaction was complete, I slung my hand gently over her back as I led her to the room. We didn't talk much, we just gave each other a few knowing glances. Not smiles per se, just knowing glances. Like secretly communicating with each other that we knew what was up…and Bella was surprisingly calm. She trusted me.

"Well, I think I'll shower," she said almost as soon as we were inside, sort of avoiding eye contact with me, but not really.

Honestly, I felt a little distant from her, and I didn't like it. So before she made it to the bathroom door, I grabbed for her arm and turned her to me, stroking my hand along her cheek. "I'll see you when you get out ok?" I whispered, finding her eyes.

Bella smiled and relaxed under my touch. "Ok."

When the bathroom door closed, the wait began…I got undressed down to my boxers and t-shirt, and decided to have some water from the sink.

After the water was gone, and Bella still wasn't out, I decided to watch some TV…

But the TV wasn't occupying me, so I decided to read the Bible…

Bad idea…nixed the Bible…

So I brushed my teeth…twice.

She was taking a long time in the bathroom, and the longer she stayed in there, the more time it gave me to sit and think about what was going to happen. I braced myself for the possibility that nothing would happen…that she would just simply not be ready, and we would go to sleep as usual. But something told me that wasn't going to happen. She was taking a fucking millennium in there, and there had to be a reason for that…

Tempted to go knock and ask her what was taking so long, I turned the TV back on instead, and just tried to fucking relax. Truth is I was nervous…really nervous. The idea of being with her, like _really _being with her, was making me so fucking nervous. Sex wasn't something that made me nervous, but I knew that with Bella it would be different. She was different. The two of us together were different. It wasn't going to be _just _sex.

With other girls, I cared very little about what they were thinking, or feeling, or if they were comfortable, or nervous, or scared. I saw them for what they could give me…an orgasm, and beyond that, I could see very little else. But with Bella I just wanted to _be_ with her. I wanted to make her feel good and I expected very little in return. As long as she was happy, then so was I.

Hearing the sound of the doorknob turning in the bathroom, I started sweating and gulping and trying to remember if I even knew what the fuck I was doing? It's like I forgot how to fuck or something and I was 15 again being seduced by Emmett's first girlfriend Julie.

Then, too soon or not soon enough, Bella came out in her towel. She walked a few steps toward me. "Hey," she whispered with a shy smile.

I sat up and threw the remote down and looked at her. "Hey," I whispered back.

Her long damp hair was hanging slightly over her left eye, and I could not take my eyes off of her, clasping the tiny white towel to her chest, and biting her lower lip…

She was stunning. And I knew it was on, it was going to happen. But, she looked nervous, way more nervous than me. She was looking at me like she wanted me to take the lead, just standing there waiting for me to make a move.

So I did.

Moving quickly from the bed, I went to her. My hands went to her face, and I tried not to look lower. I just wanted to check her eyes, make sure she was really ready. "Are you sure?" I gulped, my hands tangling into her damp hair and feeling her soft skin under them.

She nodded, and gulped too, but there was a quietness in her face, like she was sure. "Just go slow," she whispered, her brown eyes telling me she trusted me, that she was ready.

Sliding my hand to her neck, I pulled her face closer. "We don't have to," I reminded her as my hands just started to dig into her neck, like my whole body was just getting eager, and I was unable to control my excitement. My hands just started to move and kneed and feel the skin on her neck and her back.

Bella relaxed into my touch, and moved her face closer, almost brushing my lips. "Yeah we do," she breathed. Then with a deep stuttering breath, her little hand dropped her towel and opened to reveal a condom tucked into her palm.

I looked at the condom, but only for a moment, because Bella was completely naked and wrapped in my arms. I had to look…I couldn't not look.

Stepping back, my eyes moved to her body. She was an angel - tiny and pale and soft but toned in all the right places. Her breasts were small, but not too small, and just beautiful and round and perfect, just like Bella. Her legs and her bottom were familiar to me, but what was at the top of her legs was new. And just like everything else, it was beautiful too.

She was perfect. "You're perfect," I whispered into the air, finding Bella's bashful eyes.

Vulnerable standing there naked, Bella's arms reached out and begged me to come back to shelter her with my body. So, I went. I took the step forward, and joined her again. I could feel both of our hearts just racing.

When I got there, Bella's hands wasted no time reaching for the hem of my t-shirt. She grabbed for it, while just lazily nuzzling her face into my shoulder. I lowered my lips, and kissed the top of her head, assuring her that she could continue, she could undress me, she was safe with me.

Then Bella's shaky hands pushed my shirt over my head and I hunched forward and held my arms out, and just let her do it. I was letting her take as much or as little time as she needed. When the last of the shirt slipped off my wrists, I slowly stood back up, and Bella's head instantly went to my bare chest, and her hot breath hit my naked skin, leaving a damp kiss just below my nipple. "Beautiful," she sighed, as she kissed along my torso. "So, so, beautiful."

She was so soft and warm and smelled so good, and her breasts were pressing into my chest, and I held her to my body and let her kiss me and feel my naked skin and just let her adjust to being naked with me. Then her hands were at my boxers and I could feel her back and her hair slip from my grasp as she knelt down and pushed them to my feet. When they piled at my ankles, I stepped out of them.

Bella's hand ghosted gently over me as she rose, hitting my shins, then my thighs, then brushing a little more firmly over my rock hard dick, sending a shiver up my spine before she took it in her hand and gripped it tightly.

_Fuck! Yes!_

"There," she sighed with accomplishment, as her beautiful face made it back into my vision, her fucking fingers tightening around me.

My body was just fucking alive.

We stood and stared and breathed and I let her hold and touch for a while, and then I couldn't wait any longer, I had to kiss her. I dropped my lips to hers softly, and just kissed her gently.

Bella let out a moan and deepened the kiss, pressing her upper body into mine, still gripping me tightly. Our tongues started to move and roll and fight in each other's mouths, just not being able to kiss deep enough, not being able to get enough.

I had to have her, so I placed my hands firmly on her ass and lifted her off the ground.

She dropped her hand from my dick, and her hands wrapped around my neck and her legs wrapped around my waist, and I could feel her wet on my stomach, and she sort of became weak in my arms and let me carry her to the bed.

I laid her down on her back, and her hands went into my hair and she was smiling lazily at me, and I had to kiss her again. I kissed her mouth, then her neck, then the top of her left breast, then her nipple…

"Ungh," Bella moaned.

My lips were all over her body, and my hands were just sliding up and down her legs and grabbing at her ass and her thighs as I kissed.

Bella was just letting me go crazy on her, wiggling and panting and groaning underneath me as I explored her beautiful body with my mouth and hands.

Then I was next. She sat up and pressed on my shoulders, forcing me to lay back. She started at my ear, and licked teasingly over my lobe. It felt like electricity, while she moved from my ears to my collarbone, just teasing me with her tongue, teasing me with her eyes, showing me the little sex goddess that I always knew was inside of her.

As she moved over me, her belly and breasts were brushing over my dick and just driving me crazy, I wasn't sure how long I would last if we didn't get going, I had never been so turned on in my life.

"Bella it has to be now," I hissed, as her mouth was latched on my nipple.

Pulling away, Bella looked at me. "Ok, just lay back," she said as she reached for the nightstand and grabbed the condom.

I laid back just aching and burning and so fucking hard I was going to rip open…then I heard the packaging tear, and before long Bella's fingers were on my tip rolling the condom down.

_Fuck!_

Then she was right there, naked, hovering over me, ready for me to be inside of her. I wanted to be inside of her. I could tell she wanted me inside of her, really wanted _me_…

So, I grabbed her forcefully and flipped her onto her back, both of us breathless and panting. I hovered there a moment, and left a few soft kisses on her lips, her eyes were fiery and fierce. Then, not being able to wait any longer, I entered her slowly…Bella's hand guided me in.

She gasped as I pushed my way down bit by bit, filling her. "Are you ok?" I hissed as I entered, my body electric and tingling and just feeling fucking awesome.

"Uh huh," she moaned, as she sort of took me in, pushing her pelvis instinctively to meet me.

And as she started to push, so did I. I started to move inside her. Slowly at first, but as the sensation started to build and dizzy my head, my pace quickened.

She was tight, and she was wet, and she was moving perfectly with me. Then I just lost it, and Bella sort of did too. She started just whimpering and squirming and arching and grabbing at the sheets, and at my hair, and clawing her nails into my shoulders. And I was quickening my pace, just feeling her wet and tight and warm and perfect wrapped around me as I went in and out. And this wasn't just regular fucking sex. This was amazing fucking sex.

And as our pace quickened and we fell into a rhythm, both of us just sort of checked out, and we just began to really move, really feel it…The burn in my stomach was growing, and the pressure in my dick was getting intense, and I couldn't remember ever feeling quite so fucking good.

And when I grabbed her ass and started grinding in circles as I went in and out, Bella started to just go nuts. "Oh my God," she sort of moaned as her head started rolling around on the pillow, jerking from side to side, her hands gripping into the sheets.

She was getting close, and so was I, and I was just waiting for her…or at least trying to.

It wasn't going to last long, but already it was the best sex I had ever had.

"Come on Bella, let go," I grunted into her ear as I grabbed at her ass and just slid my pelvis into her and around her, trying to hit every part of her that needed to be hit.

Then it happened. Her body shook, and the wet warm walls that were closed around me started squeezing and throbbing and I could feel that she was coming…

"Ahhhh!" Bella squealed and writhed and moaned, and her noises, her sounds just set me off.

So, I just let go, and all the pressure and the electricity and the heat just sort of exploded, and I found Bella's eyes and she was just fucking euphoric and squirming and moaning and just incoherently blathering below me.

When it was over, I couldn't move, I was spent. I just dropped my head beside Bella on her pillow, the full weight of my body still on top of her, still in her, just breathing, and sweating, and tingling from head to foot. Bella's hands just stroked up and down my back, and I could feel a soft chuckle coming from her.

"Fuck that was awesome." Were the first words I could function enough to say.

Bella just laughed, so I lifted my head a little to look at her, and her face was priceless. She looked like the fucking cat that got the canary.

"What?" I asked with a smile, wanting to know what she was thinking.

Her eyes got wide and her little hand went to my jaw, always my jaw. "I had no idea it could be so…so…" She started.

"Fucking awesome?" I asked, because fuck it was so awesome.

Bella laughed and her head rolled to the side and kissed my forearm lazily, silently agreeing with me.

And I knew what made it so awesome, and I think Bella did too. We connected on that bed. We were there together, giving it our all, loving on each other, showing each other with our bodies what we couldn't express with our words. I made love to Bella, and in doing so, I realized that I indeed loved Bella. Yeah, it was soon, and we still had a lot to learn about each other. But sometimes I think you just know. Sometimes two people just find each other, and it doesn't matter…they just love.

And later that night, holding Bella in my arms as she nodded off to sleep, I told her. "I love you Bella," I whispered into the moonlit room, as her tiny rhythmic snores filled my ears. "I love you so much."

**AN- Wow, these two are moving fast! I know some of you expressed interest in them waiting, but that's not really the story I'm writing. Just heads up, this is not going to be one of those stories with a lemon every single chapter either, it's just not. They will be used as necessary. **

**Have a great day, and I hope you enjoyed! **


	15. Chapter 15

**The Sure Thing Chapter 15**

**EPOV**

A man in love is a precarious being. He's confident, and strong, and protective, and loyal, but obsessive and paranoid all in the same breath. Loving Bella was stirring all of those emotions in me. When I woke, I was gripping her so tightly that my hand left and indentation on her arm.

I was holding her tightly because I loved her, and I wanted her near me. But in the pit of my chest, I sensed that I was holding her tightly because I was afraid to let her go. For the first time in my life I could feel it…I had something to lose.

And as I woke, I realized I didn't have the urge to run. I didn't have the urge to just grab my shit and take off so I didn't have to make small talk and cuddle with her in the morning. Fuck, I couldn't wait till she woke up so we could make small talk and cuddle.

In the course of four days, Bella had become the single most vital and extraordinary thing in my life. I barely knew her, we hadn't spent a lot of time together, but that didn't matter. I went with my heart, and my heart led me to a bed in Spokane, with Bella Swan, holding onto her for dear life, terrified of losing her.

I think the terror was stemming from the reality that I was a grade-A asshole with a fucking disgusting past, and absolutely nothing in my history that redeemed it. Bella had expressed some knowledge of it. She knew about Jane, and hell she hated me for five years because I couldn't pass up an invitation from Lauren Mallory to feel her up under the bleachers. But Bella didn't know some of the thornier details. She didn't know my number and I think that would gross her out. And she didn't know that during the course of our trip I was arranging for a fuck vacation with glorified porn star Tanya Denali.

I contemplated telling her. I contemplated coming clean. But every time I imagined a conversation in which I explained to Bella that I arranged such a meeting, a meeting in which I would use a girl's body, a girl I didn't know, a girl who was so opposite of Bella in almost every way…I imagined it ending with Bella leaving me. And Bella couldn't do that. Bella couldn't leave me.

I decided that illuminating Bella about who I really am, _really_, would be a mistake. It would be a mistake because for some reason she was looking past the things that she knew about me, and was accepting me. See, Bella had sex with me. And by doing that, I had to assume that she possessed some sort of trust and confidence in me. Almost like she was seeing me for who I wanted to be, rather than who I was.

_Right?_

Or, she just fell for me full stop like I fell for her, and her head hadn't caught up with her heart yet, and when it finally did, she'd realize the mistake she'd made…

But I didn't want to be a mistake. I didn't want _us _to be a mistake. I wanted us, I needed us…I needed to not be that emotionally stunted fucking pig anymore. I hated him, I wanted to exorcise him from my body, and barf him out in a puddle of black goo. Bella, with her ratty hair, and silly clothes, and sweet smile, and gentle fragile heart, made me want him gone.

I was ready for him to be gone.

Bella stirred in my arms, and as if by instinct I kissed her head. She was wiggling and letting out soft little whimpers, and I squeezed her even tighter. She was mine, the possession was real. I couldn't fuck this up. "Wake up sleepy head," I cooed to her, and admittedly it sounded totally lame. But I kissed her again and again until she was lucid.

When Bella's eyes opened, she smiled and nuzzled into me. "Good morning."

"Good morning to you," I smiled, pulling her tighter, leaving yet another kiss on her forehead.

Bella leaned into my kiss and yawned. "It's going to be weird going home," she said, turning her wrist and checking her watch, probably feeling the impending separation like I was.

"Why do you think that?" I asked innocently, but knew exactly what she meant. I just wanted to hear her reasons.

Bella sat up a little bit and I rolled her on top of me so I could see her better. Her bare breasts settled onto my naked chest and she instantly went for my jaw with her fingers, peering up at me with her startlingly beautiful brown eyes. "Well," she started, "All we know is being on the road together. What if it's different when we're home?"

"Different how?"

Bella bit her lip. "I don't know? Like what do you do with your time? Who do you hang out with? What are your hobbies?" She asked.

_Well that's easy. _

"Nothing, no one, and I don't have any," I shrugged with a grin, my hand finding Bella's hair.

Bella rolled her eyes, then closed them at the feel of my fingers in her hair. "Edward," she hummed, "I'm serious."

I knew she was, but my "friends" and "hobbies" during Christmas vacation were on the- _Don't tell Bella because she'll leave me list_. So, I covered and told her about everything else I might possibly do. "Ok," I gave in. "I might smoke some weed, read some books, study for the MCAT's, get drunk with assholes I don't like…Play some video games, maybe take a run or go skiing or something, then go back to school." I looked sincerely to Bella. "My life is not extraordinary. It blows actually. You have improved it greatly," I said softly.

Bella smiled and planted her hands beside my hips and pushed herself up, her leg brushed my dick waking _it _up. "Well that's good to know," she purred, and before she could kiss me, I grabbed the back of her head and kissed her, locking my lips to hers tightly, thrusting my hips up at her, ready for round two of fucking amazing sex…But Bella wanted to keep talking apparently and pulled away, resting her head on my chest again.

"The MCAT's huh?" she asked curiously, tracing her fingers along my nipples. "You've never mentioned becoming a doctor."

My dick hated this conversation and went back to sleep. "I know. That was intentional," I sighed, because I had been avoiding talking about my uncertain future with Bella.

I think Bella told me her major was literature and she wanted to be a writer somewhere back in Illinois, but we never got farther than that because of me. I was avoiding talking about the future, careers, and avoiding any type of conversation that would put me on the hot seat and make me discuss where I was headed. Because I had no idea where I was headed; I just didn't know. But I didn't want Bella to know that. I didn't want Bella to see me floundering.

_Until now…_

Feeling her soothing fingertips and her naked skin on top of mine, and the accepting serene smile on her face, I knew my insecurity over my future was safe with her. "Why?" She asked. "Why did you never mention wanting to be a doctor?"

"Because I have no idea if I really want to be a doctor," I answered honestly.

Bella's fingers slid to my neck and tangled into my hair, and it felt so good, and I just felt so safe with her. "That's ok," she whispered sweetly. "You're so smart, you could be anything you want."

I let out a bitter laugh, and sighed looking to Bella. I knew I could be anything I wanted, that I had the mental capacity and the talent for just about anything. But just because I was smart, didn't mean I knew what I wanted to do. "Sometimes I wish I was dumb and just really good at one thing, like really good at mixing cement or something. I wish the universe would just figure my life out for me, and I wasn't left with all of these great expectations from people," I said.

"What people?" Bella asked with a furrowed brow.

"Just people."

Bella perked up, and her face held a curious grin. "Ok, try this," she started with a smile. "Imagine you _are_ dumb, and the people around you are all smarter than you, like they're all rocket scientists…"

"Ok," I nodded.

"Now, in that world where you have no great expectations, because everyone around you is smarter anyway…what would you want to do with your time, with your life?" Bella asked, with no pretense, no pressure, just plain curiosity and encouragement…

And I could only think of one answer in that moment that made any sense. "Be with you," I smiled, brushing her blushed cheek with my thumb.

Bella smiled back leaning into my hand. "Come on, there has to be something?" She asked.

I thought about it then…really thought about it. And I came to the conclusion that healing people, helping people who are sick, or hurt, or in need was a noble and good profession, and I would be honored to be a part of it. "I guess maybe I'd like to be a doctor?" I smiled with a shrug, pulling Bella tightly to my chest, feeling for the first time that it was the truth. Feeling for the first time that I wanted to put in the work and go to med school.

I could actually see myself in some not so distant future becoming a doctor, and having a family, and a home, a dog, maybe some little ratty haired rugrats like little Seth who lit Bella's face up. I wanted it all. And I wanted it all with her, for her, and because of her. I was totally in love with her.

Instead of begging my life to slow down because I wasn't ready for it, I suddenly couldn't fucking wait for it to start. I wanted to tell her…out loud that I loved her…but it seemed too soon.

So, I did the next best thing. I brought her face to mine, and gripped it in my fingers. "My whole life you've been just a few blocks away, and I've only found you now," I whispered, trying to convey to her that she was the missing piece in my life, that she was the key to my happy future.

Bella leaned up and kissed my lips softly, then wordlessly grabbed for the condom box on the end table, taking one between her fingers. She dropped our kiss and pushed my shoulders back and straddled me, her wet center open on my thigh, her incredible naked body on display for me.

She rolled the condom onto my throbbing erection and rode me slowly and silently until the afternoon sun was high in the sky. No words, just two bodies connected and feeling and giving into each other, sensation, and loving, and coming so fucking hard I could feel it in my hair and my toenails.

It was the best morning of my life. And I never wanted it to end. But it had to.

Bella and I showered together, and held on tightly under the steamy water. I could see tears slipping from her eyes as I rinsed her shampoo. I was close to breaking too. We were going to have to go home. We couldn't live in our little world anymore, our bubble. Her dad would come looking for her if she wasn't home soon. And Christmas was only a week away, and we both knew it was our last day of fighting and laughing and kissing and fucking…and all of the things that had happened to us so fast and so intensely were going to sort of stop and slow down.

The ride to Forks was quiet, and Bella's hand was on my thigh, and we played her Neil Young CD, and we both had bittersweet expressions on our faces. We were happy, and excited about what we had, but also afraid of what waited for us at home. Afraid of what might change.

Ever since Bella woke up that morning, I completely forgot about my fear of her discovering my disgusting bad side. It's like when I was with her, I couldn't be touched. And the way she looked at me made me feel like I was good, like I was worth it. And maybe I was? I was starting to feel that way. For the first time in a long time, knowing I had a noble future as a doctor, and a beautiful and amazing girl on my arm, I felt like maybe I had a chance to be somebody more than just a pig? Like maybe I could be someone Bella could be proud of?

And I took that feeling with me all the way to her little white house with a red truck and a cop car parked on the lawn. It was around dinner time, and she invited me in to meet her dad. "You want to meet my dad, and say hi?" she asked with a smile, breaking a sad silence that had lasted since we stopped for gas in Port Orchard.

I smiled back at her, and agreed. "Yeah," I sighed. "Yeah I really do."

That night she re-introduced me to her dad, we had met peripherally in the past, but never on an official basis. Bella showed me her childhood room, and made me her famous lasagna, and snuggled up next to me on the couch while her dad Charlie embarrassed her with her childhood class photos.

Charlie was a bit standoffish at first, a tall lanky cop with a kickass mustache. But I think he could see how happy Bella was, and by the time he pulled out the x-ray from when Bella broke her leg falling out of a tree when she fell asleep reading, I felt like part of the family, like I fit in with Bella and Charlie.

I shook his hand on my way out. "It was nice meeting you sir," I said sincerely, because it really was, he was a nice man.

"You too Edward," he nodded, and went back inside, leaving Bella and me alone at my car.

"Bye," I whined into her neck, kissing it, and grabbing at her so tightly I wasn't sure if she could breathe.

"Just go, and call me as soon as you get home," she managed to eek out, her lips finding my jaw.

"I can't," I whined again, unable to let her go.

"Yes you can," she laughed a bit this time.

"No really, I can't. You lost your phone in Fargo," I laughed.

Bella wiggled enough to get a hold of my face, and gripped it, looking deeply into my eyes. "Look me up, we're in the phone book," she said, planting a firm kiss on my lips.

I cocked my head at her in curiosity. "You can still do that?"

Bella kissed me again, and then pushed me away. "Go home Edward!" she laughed.

I pulled her back for one more hug. "Ok, I'm going I'm going, just hug me for a little bit longer."

Then Bella eased into me a little bit, and it got more serious. "I'm going to miss you, you know that?" she whimpered, and I could feel the shakes of soft cries starting in her body.

"I'm going to miss you too. Shh, don't cry."

I held her until it stopped. Then I just let her go. She kissed me again, and ran inside, and didn't look back.

I watched her house for a moment, and told myself I would be back first thing in the morning, then got in the Volvo and headed home.

My house was a lot bigger than Bella's little white one. It was a lot colder and less welcoming too.

I didn't have any luggage, Bella took all of our Wal-Mart stuff as a souvenir. So I just climbed the large spiral staircase to my room. The light to Emmett's room was on, so I hesitantly popped in to say hi.

"Hey," I said. He was sprawled on his bed in a wife beater, playing X-Box.

My big curly haired older brother looked at me and seemed a bit pissed off. "Where the fuck were you last night man?" He asked sharply. "And why the fuck haven't you been returning my calls?"

"I got caught up," I said.

"Well you fucking blew it with Tanya dude. She's pissed."

"Sorry," I answered, wanting to tell him about Bella, but somehow unable to.

Emmett sat up a bit and looked at me. "Whatever," he smiled. "So how was the drive with Swan the demon spawn?"

"Watch it Emmett," I spat at him before I could even think.

Emmett's eyes lit up in curiosity. "Swan?" He asked in a bit of a laugh. "You blew off Playboy hot Tanya Denali for Bella Swan?" He threw down his controller and looked at me like I had his full attention.

I couldn't explain it to him. How I loved her, how she was special…I didn't know what to say?

"So did you tap that ass?" He asked. And then I saw red, and the next thing I knew Carlisle was ripping me off of Emmett, and my knuckles were bloody, and my mouth was filled with the taste of cool metal, and Emmett was cowering below me with a crooked gushing nose and a split lip.

"You're fucking dead Edward!" He cried as my dad dragged me from the room. "Dead! Do you hear me?"

**AN- FF Fail! Wow, this took a lot of work to get published, but I read about a loophole online. I hope you all get it. **


	16. Chapter 16

**The Sure Thing Chapter 16**

**EPOV**

I was shaking, and pulling deep staggered breaths into my lungs. My hands were throbbing, and when I looked down, blood was starting to drip from my knuckles onto the hardwood.

"Dad, I think my nose is broken!" Emmett cried from his bed, while my tired aging father Carlisle tried to contain me in the hallway. There was no need to _think_ anything though; his nose was smashed to the wrong side of his smug fucking face.

Carlisle looked to me with worry. "Go," I wheezed. "I'm fine."My eyes conveyed to him that there was nothing he could say or do for me in that moment that would change anything.

Carlisle let out a groan and ran to Emmett. And before he could come out with my battered bloody brother, I tore down the steps straight to my Volvo. I wrapped my hands in fast food napkins that were strewn throughout the car, and started toward Bella's house. I just needed to get to Bella.

The sound of Emmett's voice when he told me I was a dead man was playing in my head the whole drive. Sure, I beat his fucking face in, but I didn't feel sorry. I should have felt sorry, but I didn't.

_Fucking asshole!_

I don't know what it was about what he said? Something in the way his eyes sort of gleamed when he asked me if I "_tapped that ass." _Like he was demeaning her. Like he thought I was demeaning her. Like he thought I was using her on my trip. Which is probably something I would have done to some other girl…

_Fuck!_

I realized that when you're one person for the better part of 21 years, all of the people you've surrounded yourself with during that time are always going to see you as that person.

I guess I was hoping that my big brother wouldn't instantaneously leap to the conclusion that I used Bella for sex. I guess I was hoping that he of all people would at least stop to consider that I might see her as more than a piece of ass.

I hated him for not giving me that small moment of consideration. I hated him for reminding me without hesitation that the world, or the people that made up my world, saw me as an asshole and not much else.

Suddenly it felt like the only person who knew me at all anymore was Bella.

I pulled onto her street and parked, taking the bloody horror show of napkins off before walking the short distance to her house. The light was on in her room, and the police cruiser was missing from the driveway. When I got to her door, I knocked with the palm of my hand because my fucking knuckles were jacked.

_Knock…knock…_

"Just a minute!" Bella called, and through my staggered breathing and clenched jaw, I smiled at the sound of her voice.

The door flew open and Bella beamed at me in gray sweatpants and a t-shirt. "What no phonebook?" She laughed when she saw me, but quickly her brow furrowed taking in my appearance. "Oh my God, what happened?"

I must have looked like fucking DeNiro in Raging Bull. "Oh, I got in a fight with Emmett," I said with a shrug, trying to downplay it, but Bella looked really upset and dragged me inside.

Her little hand went to my split lip. "What about?"

"It's nothing," I grumbled, trying to ignore how fucking painful my lip felt when she touched it.

Bella looked at me skeptically, seeing me wince. "Nothing? This doesn't look like nothing."

It wasn't fucking nothing. I beat the tar out of a USC quarterback, and he got a few shots in at me too. But I didn't want to scare her. "I'm fine. Really," I lied, but she probably knew that.

Bella carefully took my black leather jacket from my shoulders, and laid it over the stair rail. She began to examine me, stroking her hands up my t-shirt that was fucking soaked with sweat, checking for damage. When she got to my hands, she let out a sharp breath. "Come here, come on, I need to clean those," she sighed, and started guiding me up the stairs.

She took me to the small white and wood bathroom she shared with her father Charlie. Seeing his razor on the sink made me realize he definitely wasn't in the house. "Where's your dad?" I asked, as she sat me on the toilet.

Bella came at me with a soaked cotton ball smelling of alcohol. "He has night shifts all week so he can take off for Christmas," she explained, then pressed the cotton ball to a cut I didn't even know I had above my eye.

"Ow! Fuck!" I screeched, because it fucking hurt. Emmett got me better than I thought. I was in such a trance, I could hardly remember anything.

"Shh, just hold still," Bella soothed me, her free hand stroking my neck, her breath on my face. I instantly felt better.

I had a singular vague memory of my mother cleaning a cut on my knee when I was three. Her belly was swollen with baby Alice, and she was wearing a blue dress. She cared for me with the same attention Bella was, and just the attention alone made it feel better.

Feeding an urge, I reached for Bella's hips and pulled her into my lap. I just needed to hug her for a second. I just needed to. I gripped her tightly, and inhaled her fruity scent, letting the warm soft feel of her skin just seep into my pores. Bella began to laugh as I squeezed her tighter and tighter, sniffing her and nuzzling her, and just never able to get enough.

When I finally loosened my grip, she looked up at me and stroked my jaw. "Hi," she smiled.

"Hi," I smiled back, realizing how much I had missed her in the half hour or so we were apart. I was glad to have the connection back, glad to be back in her warmth. Bella was just warmth to me.

After our hug, Bella went back to work on my hands and my lip.

"You're here alone?" I asked smoothly as she put a band aid on my knuckle.

"Every night until Christmas Eve," she smiled quietly to herself, reading my tone.

"I'm staying here," I decided.

Bella laughed, and rubbed on one more band aid. "I thought you might say that." When she was finished, she took in her work. "There, I think you're going to live," she said triumphantly as she got off the floor and back into my arms where I wanted her.

She didn't waste any time though, and started immediately inquiring about my fight with Emmett. "Tell me why you were fighting with Emmett?" She asked, stroking the longish coppery whiskers starting on my jaw.

I thought about telling her, but I didn't want her to know. It would hurt her feelings, or possibly offend her, and I never wanted to do either of those things to her. "I just can't, ok?" I asked, hoping she'd drop it.

"Can you give me a hint about what it was regarding at least?" She pressed.

I sensed she wasn't going to let it go, she wanted to know. So, I thought I'd give her something vague, and see if it would suffice. "He's an asshole Bella. I don't know what else to tell you? He was being a dick and I wailed on him," I said, hoping that would end it.

But it didn't, it just led her closer to the truth. "About me? Was he being a dick about me?" She asked, and her fingers got a little shaky on my face, and her skin started to redden with a blush, and fuck she was already starting to get upset.

"No," I answered sharply, but it sounded too defensive.

"Tell me the truth," Bella urged.

"Yes," I sighed, coming clean. I searched for words to try to explain it to her, to try to explain that my brother was an unoriginal tool who went to tanning beds, but I didn't have time.

"It's ok," Bella said in a shaky voice, putting on a strong front. "I sort of already figured Emmett and your friends would give you a hard time for being with me. I'm prepared for that. It's ok."

She was putting on this tough brave face, but inside I could tell she was a little broken about it, I could see it behind her eyes. I never wanted her to feel that way. I never wanted her to feel like she wasn't enough or something, because she didn't fit the slutty vapid Barbie doll mould that girls like Rosalie and Lauren and Tanya fit. She was so beyond them, it wasn't even funny.

But that had nothing to do with why I broke Emmett's nose, not even close. But I didn't want her digging deeper, so I just let her believe what she wanted. "It's not ok, that's why Emmett has a broken fucking nose," I nuzzled into her with a squeeze. "You shame Rosalie Hale, and any girl Emmett would endorse."

Bella laughed and started running her hands into my hair like she was examining my head. "You're delusional. I think you have a concussion," she said, surely no stranger to Rosalie's beauty having gone to high school with her. But Rosalie's beauty, which I was always so impressed by, seemed really diminutive when looking at Bella in that moment.

I took Bella's face into my band aid covered hands, and found her eyes. "Hey," I whispered. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Don't ever think otherwise," I said sincerely.

Bella was sort of uneasy and fidgety on my lap, but she stilled at my words and looked me in the eyes. "Ok," she nodded. "I won't."

Feeling lighter, ready to leave the stale mood behind, I pointed to my cut lip. "I think I need you to kiss this to make it feel better," I said with a smile.

Bella agreed, leaning her mouth into mine and kissing it gently. "Better?" she asked, as her soft pillowy lips left my painful mouth.

"Much," I said, trying to mask a wince. It fucking hurt though. In fact everything was starting to hurt.

Bella must have seen it in my face that the pain was starting. The bruises were beginning to form, and the adrenaline was wearing off, and I was beginning to really feel all of the damage Emmett had done. She stroked her thumb right under my eye. "You should probably get some rest," she said, taking my hand gently and pulling me toward her room by my fingers. I followed her lazily, feeling a little light headed, but happy to be in her care.

"Here lie down, let me take care of you," Bella said with a smile, patting a spot for me on her little purple bed.

"Take care of me huh?" I laughed as I stretched out my legs and followed her instructions.

Bella giggled and snuggled up beside me after turning out the lights. The moonlight through her big window was softly touching everything. My swollen eyes appreciated the darkness, and Bella could tell. "Just go to sleep," she whispered softly, laying a kiss on my cheek.

And I did. I fell asleep easily and comfortably in Bella's caring arms, Emmett's warning of doom far away in my mind. I knew I'd have to go home and face Emmett eventually, but in the soft light of Bella's room, with her body wrapped around mine protectively, I couldn't seem to care.

Bella shook me awake when she heard the front door close. "Charlie's home…Edward Charlie's home!" She cried in a whisper, which sounded more like a giggle, trying to get me to come to.

I shot up from the bed, and looked to her. "Window!" she shouted in her whisper, containing her urge to laugh. "Go out the window!"

I kicked out of the covers and grabbed my shoes as Bella went to the window and flung it open. "Go!" She urged, her hair looking like it had been in a tornado. "Go!"

It was not a pleasant way to be woken, especially when my whole body felt like total hell, but I could see in Bella's face that I didn't have time to fuck around…her dad was a cop with a gun after all.

"What are you doing today?" I asked her quickly as I was hopping into my shoes, the sound of Charlie's footsteps starting for the stairs.

Bella grabbed my collar. "I'm working at Newton's from 8-4. Come see me," she said, dropping a firm kiss on my mouth and almost pushing me out her window.

The cold air hit me, and I landed on the slick roof outside Bella's window. My coat was definitely not on my body…

"Bella who's coat is this?" I heard Charlie call from inside the house.

_Fuck! _

I had to think fast, I didn't want Bella getting in trouble. Even though her dad would have had a really great imagination to think we weren't rooming together on the road…it didn't matter. Dad's liked to think their daughters were angels, I got it.

_Think Edward! Think!_

I grabbed a branch of a nearby tree with my throbbing hands, and swung myself onto the snow covered ground, then took off for my car.

I tucked in my shirt and spit brushed my hair, popped a piece of gum and straightened myself out, and then drove the 100 or so yards to Bella's driveway. I pulled in, took a deep breath, then walked to the door.

_Knock…knock…_

I could hear Charlie and Bella squabbling in the stairwell, and then Charlie's heavy footsteps came toward the door. It opened, and he looked at me and my Volvo in the driveway with a furrowed brow. "Edward?"

I smiled. "Yes sir, I'm off for my daily errands and realized I left my coat here last night," I said, praying to God he bought it.

Charlie looked behind him at Bella, then back to me. Bella was standing behind Charlie beet red, just barely containing a giant laugh. I couldn't tell if it was a nervous fitful laugh, or a genuine _this is funny as hell_ laugh, but she was about to blow. "It's right here," she barely got out, grabbing my coat from the stair rail, and coming towards the door. She handed it to me. "Here you go," she said with a tight smile, beaming at me with her eyes.

Charlie let out a huff. "Uh Huh…Well, you two have a nice day, I'm off to bed," he said in an exhausted grumble, turning on his heel, and heading for the steps. "And Edward?" He asked.

"Yes sir?"

"How did the other guy look?"

"Worse than me sir."

Charlie laughed. "That a boy."

Bella's eyes bugged and her face flamed as Charlie ascended the stairs. When he was gone, she pushed me out the door into the yard in her bare feet, skipping on the icy ground. She threw her arms around my neck, and I picked her up off of the cold wet yard, and she wrapped her ankles tightly around my hips. "Shit that was close," Bella laughed into my neck, kissing it feverishly, sort of in a limbo between laughing seizure and genuine laughter.

I just held her and let her calm down, swaying her from side to side and kneading my hands into her back, genuinely enjoying the hot little kisses she was leaving on my neck. But I couldn't hold her in the yard forever. I had to let her go. She had to go work at Newton's Sporting Goods to earn tuition money for school, and I had to go face the mess I'd made at home.

I carried her to the door, and dropped her feet safely on the linoleum. "Bye," I said, kissing her mouth.

"Bye," she sighed, stroking my face. "Good luck with Emmett," she said, like she was reading my thoughts.

"Yeah, I'll probably need that," I groaned, imaging my beat down.

And before I was ready, I was forced to go home and face Emmett and my dad. Emmett's warning of my doom again filling my thoughts.

**AN- Have a great weekend. Had some awesome reviews and feedback last chapter and I really appreciate that! So thanks! :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**The Sure Thing Chapter 17**

**EPOV**

My house. It was like a fucking standing metaphor for the guy I once was. Impeccable façade, strong and clean; but cold, dark, and completely void of any life, humor, or joy inside…Masking itself as something better, something more, something powerful and elite…But in reality it was just a shell with nothing but sadness and misery inside.

That was me…before _her_.

I was this beautiful million dollar shiny home, with all the bells and whistles…but no joy, no love, no laughter. Nothing.

I didn't feel like I belonged in my house anymore. When I walked back in through the large wooden doors, stepping onto the marble foyer, I didn't feel like I fit in the cold. I wanted to be back in the warm moonlit glow of Bella's bedroom, wrapped in her skinny little arms, laughter tickling my ear. She always laughed, even when it wasn't funny. I loved her laugh. I loved her.

I closed the door behind me, and I could smell toast and coffee coming from the barely used kitchen. I contemplated going straight to my room, but the new me felt just bad enough about interrupting my overworked father's sleep by breaking my brother's nose, that I went in.

Carlisle's head was in his hands, he was sitting on a stool on the island, going over paperwork. He looked up at me. "Hello Edward." His eyes were tired, and _old_. When did my father get so old?

I walked closer. "Is it bad?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded. "I had to pack it, and he has to wear a cast for a few weeks. Yeah, I'd say you broke it pretty bad."

"Shit," I hissed under my breath. Emmett was a vain motherfucker. I realized quickly, I was a fucking dead man. "Where is he?"

"Rosalie's. Want to fill me in on what it was about? Emmett's not talking." Carlisle pushed out the stool beside him with his foot, and gestured for me to sit down. He looked concerned.

I went to the stool and sat. Sometimes, very rarely, Carlisle and I would talk. When I was growing up most of our conversations were requests for me to behave for the nanny, or Carlisle informing me that he had cut my credit limit due to outrageous spending. But sometimes he would ask me about my day, my life, my problems, my hopes for the future. I felt like maybe this was one of those times. I realized I had no one else to talk to besides Bella. And she couldn't know what I was about to tell Carlisle. He was all I had.

Avoiding Carlisle's eyes, and just staring at the black granite counter, I started. "I drove Bella Swan home from school."

"She's a nice girl. I've always liked Bella. Pretty too," Carlisle replied.

I agreed with a nod, and swallowed. "Yeah," I whispered. Then I looked my dad in the eyes. "She's…I…I fell in love with her," I said with a fucking pounding heart. But it felt great to say it out loud. Someone had to know. I had to tell someone.

Carlisle held my stare and then let out a small laugh. "I'll be damned," he said, eyebrow raised. "Edward Cullen in love with a girl?"

I smiled, wanting to tell him more. "She's like perfect, and fun, and sweet, and so smart."

"She sounds wonderful Edward."

Then I remembered why we were talking, and I wanted Carlisle to know the reason he spent the night in the ER with Emmett. "Emmett started talking about her disrespectfully dad, and I just lost it," I whispered, explaining the source of my rage, explaining why I kicked Emmett's ass.

Carlisle's eyes closed and he nodded in understanding. Then when his eyes opened and he looked at me, he said very simply, "Work it out. I don't want any funny business going on around your mother." And he was serious.

My _mother_. So she was coming home? I probably should have been happy, excited, whatever the fuck kind of emotion a son should have when learning he'd be seeing his mother for the first time in almost a year. But instead I just felt dread. And Carlisle could see it.

"Irina her nurse is coming too. She's staying from the 23rd through the 26th," he said like somehow that would make it easier…

"Ok."

"Get some decorations up will you? And try to make it nice?"

"Sure."

Then Carlisle's beeper went off. He checked it. "This is going to be a long shift. I won't see you for a few days," he said, standing from his stool and clearing the last of his coffee.

I stood too and shook his hand. "You haven't seen me for three months, what's another couple days right?" I said with a laugh, trying to make light of the situation, but something in Carlisle's face told me it wasn't funny.

He dropped my hand and looked at me. "Well if you would fly home like I ask, you would have eight more days to spend here. But something tells me that spending those eight days on the road instead of here is exactly why you drive?"

_Fuck. Busted. _

"Dad, that's…" I tried to explain, but nothing I could think to say seemed like enough. I did drive so that I could stay away from home as long as possible. Maybe I never came out and said it. Maybe it never occurred to me in that exact verbiage. But it was so fucking true, and Carlisle knew it.

Carlisle gave me a weak smile. "It's ok Edward. I just spend so much time here alone; it'd be nice to see you more," he said, and his words really got to me. I never even stopped to consider how lonely my dad was alone. I never even stopped to fucking consider it!

_Fuck!_

The more I learned about myself? The more I reflected? The more I just fucking hated who I was. But I wasn't him anymore, and I kept telling myself that. The new me would have a relationship with my father. A man Bella could be proud of would treat his father with respect, and dignity, and not abandon him alone in an empty cold home with absolutely no one for company. That was fucking cruel. I can't even remember why I did it? Selfishness I guess. Plain selfishness.

_Or self preservation? _

After Carlisle left, I vowed that I was going to decorate the hell out of the house. For him. For my mom. It was going to be a fucking Christmas explosion. And I knew just who to ask to help me. She had a knack for all things red and tacky. She'd know exactly where to start.

I walked into Newton's with a new outlook. I was going to be a good son in conjunction with being a good boyfriend. I got this feeling that just because Carlisle and I didn't have a relationship when I was a kid, didn't mean it was too late for me to have one with him as an adult. Falling hard in love with a girl in four days made me sure that anything could happen, anything at all, if you let it.

She was wearing a little red vest and putting price stickers on football's when I found her. I crept up on her slowly and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. And on contact, when her scent touched my nose, and her warm body hit my chest, everything else just disappeared. I was with her again. "Hi," I whispered into her ear, taking her lobe into my mouth.

She was sort of liquid in my hands for a moment, just dissolving right along with me. "Hi," she whispered back. "

"I need your help with something?" I said, swaying her to a rhythm all our own, standing like the guy in Wal-Mart with the Aerosmith t-shirt, holding my girlfriend.

Bella nuzzled into me, so my lips found her neck. "Oh you do now?" she asked, letting me have access, pushing her hair away.

I started kissing her neck slowly, placing slow wet kisses all over it. Bella moaned, and the sound just flipped a switch in me, and I was fucking harder than the steel shelf she was bracing herself on.

I thrust my dick into her back, letting her know the deal, and Bella let out another deep moan.

_Fuck. _

I got that feeling in my body. My heart was through my chest, my limbs tingling, my dick was throbbing, my head sort of tingly and numb, and completely one tracked. I just had to. We just had to.

It was still early, and no one was in the store. Bella's truck and my Volvo were the only cars in the lot. The store was opened only ten minutes maybe…

"Close the store," I whined, as I boldly reached my fight mangled hand around her waist and slid it firmly over the crotch of her jeans, just starting to rub.

Bella's body shivered, and her legs gave out a little, but she was moving with my hand, while holding onto the shelf. "Cameras," was the only word she could get out.

"Where?"

"Front," she moaned. "There are cameras in the front. They'd see me close up."

I just continued to rub my bandaged hands along the crotch of her jeans, and then Bella's hips and ass started grinding into me. "Shit," I hissed, just instinctively starting to thrust into her, finding the friction.

I was going to explode all over my pants if we didn't get out of the aisle and deal with it.

Then the unmistakable sound of entrance bells chimed in the front of the store…

Bella froze. I froze. Then she turned around, face flushed, breathing heavily, eyeing me and biting her lip, and giving me the look I was becoming all too familiar with. "Go to the staff bathroom," she breathed. "I'll meet you there in five minutes."

I was a little stunned at the suggestion, but before I could even get a word in edgewise, Bella was kissing me firmly on the lips, holding me by the belt of my pants. "Go," she whispered with a smile, then turned and ran to the front of the store. "Just a minute!" She called to her awaiting customer.

It took me a minute to catch my breath, but before long I found myself pinned against a bathroom stall, with Bella's lips tangling with mine, fighting for air, tongues rolling in and out, mouths wide and desperate, ignoring the cut on my lip, hands all over my chest, then my hair, then the crotch of my jeans…just cupping and rubbing and driving me to the absolute edge.

"Do you have a condom?" she whined.

"No," I breathed in a grunting moan, so fucking sorry I didn't have a condom.

"What do we do?" She hissed, breathless and begging, her hand now rubbing me even harder, while one of mine found its way under her bra, and the other was going to work again at the crease of her jeans.

It was madness. Horny, hot fucking madness.

Then Bella's hands went to my belt and undid it in record time. She got the button of my jeans undone, and the fly unzipped before I could even process what she was doing. Before I knew it, my dick was sprung loose, and the cold air of the bathroom was touching it. Her warm hand was there for relief before I could even sputter out a moan.

"Fuck…" I whined.

Then she was gone, and her hand was gone…and it was replaced by the warm wet heaven of her mouth.

_Yes!_

Then she just went to town on me, like gleefully sucking on my dick like she really wanted to. Long deep pulls with her lips, slow painful swirls with her tongue, tingly hot rubs with her hands. I was on another level…I couldn't stop thrashing against the wall.

When I was close, and that didn't take long, I asked her…not sure. "Do you wanna finish, or I can?" I grunted, almost incoherently. But she just kept going, and ignored my question. Then she just started swirling her tongue like crazy and letting out low hums in her throat, and before long I was coming hard into her mouth, just an epic orgasm. _Epic._

"Bella…" I whimpered in total release, just becoming mush. Her hands were holding me up against the wall because I was slipping toward the floor.

Bella swallowed, and sort of wiped her mouth with her sleeve, then dutifully pulled my boxers back up and zipped me and buckled me back into my jeans, while I was trying to regain feeling in my fucking body. I pulled her into me, and just laid kisses all over any spot I could find. "You're amazing," was all I could think to say.

Bella smiled at me, and she looked so beautiful, and I wanted to retaliate, to help her out, but we were in a restroom, and it seemed really unsanitary, and my hands looked like they went through a meat grinder. "Come here," I whispered, and pulled her body as tightly as I could to mine, finding her crotch again with my hand. She drew in a sharp breath, and locked eyes with me. "Just relax," I said, as I just continued to rub and rub and smooth my thumb over where her clit would be, and just attempted to make her feel as good as I did.

Within a few minutes, eyes still locked on mine, her body shook and her knees gave out, and she let out a whimper so primal, so intense that I knew I had succeeded.

"Thank you," she whispered.

We cleaned up a bit in the sink, and after a grand total of maybe ten minutes spent in the bathroom, came out, and no one was the wiser. No one was there. Forks was a small fucking town.

I took her by the hand and told her of my grand plan for the perfect Cullen Christmas with my mom. "My mom is coming home for Christmas, and we want to make it nice for her. I thought we'd put some lights on the trees lining the driveway, and decorate the whole house. Will you help me?" I asked, and Bella instantly smiled.

"That sounds beautiful Edward. Of course I'll help," she said.

Bella helped me find everything I needed, and too soon the store started to fill with a few customers, and my presence was distracting Bella from her work.

"My dad's shift starts at 7:00," she told me, while walking me out with my cart full of Christmas crap. "Come over, we'll make sure you're up before he gets home this time," she smiled.

I kissed her when we got to my car. "See you then," I said, but she stopped me before I could sit down.

"How did it go with Emmett?" She asked. "You never said."

"Haven't talked to him yet," I replied. "But I think I'm going to just apologize," I told her, deciding that I was in too good a place to let my asshole brother get in the way.

"I'm proud of you," Bella said then, and hearing the words, hearing her say it, was huge for me. Because that's what I wanted most in the world…to make her proud.

I gave her a kiss goodbye, and then headed for the Hale's, hoping to find Emmett and talk to him.

I wanted to tell him that I understood that maybe my behavior in the past might have led him to think I was using Bella. I wanted to tell him that it pissed me off that he drew that conclusion, but perhaps it didn't deserve a broken nose. I just wanted to tell him that I was sorry…because I was. I realized that it wasn't his fault that I lived my life as a scumbag for 21 years. It wasn't his fault that he saw me as one either. It was mine.

Rosalie must have heard my car pull in, because I was met with her icy pissed off face in the driveway. "You're a real dick Edward," she spat at me as I was coming out of the car. She was barreling toward me in all her blonde bitch goodness.

I just rolled my eyes at her and tried to push past her. "I want to talk to him, where is he?" I asked.

"He's scared to go near you, you animal. He's inside," she huffed, crossing her arms and tapping her feet. She reminded me of Bella before I found out about the act.

I sighed at the suggestion my brother should be scared of me. "He doesn't have to be scared. I'm not going to hurt him again," I assured her, still trying to break through her 115lb blonde barricade.

Rosalie gave me the stink eye, like I had somehow offended her. "Please, he's not scared for himself you idiot. He's scared he'll kill you. You broke his nose. He has a photo shoot for Sports Illustrated next month!" She cried, and I was reminded why I couldn't stand these two jackwagon's in the first place. Vanity, ego's, photoshoots? Blah, blah, fucking blah.

My compassion for my brother was suddenly waning. "He's a football player Rose, not a model. Remind him of that will you? Just tell him I really want to talk to him," I said, figuring I wasn't going to get my chance at the Hale's. Maybe if she just told him, he'd have some sense and come home and get it over with.

_I just hope his fear of killing me isn't too strong_ I thought to myself with heavy sarcasm. _Fucking please._

I almost made it to my door, when Rose stopped me in my tracks. "Tanya likes you you know?" She said, and I was hoping I'd never have to hear that name again. Emmett said she was pissed. I thought that was the end of it? "She's my best friend, and you're just going to blow her off?" Rosalie continued.

I wasn't sure about Rosalie's knowledge of our little arrangement? Rose looked like a cheap whore, but she wasn't. She had been in a monogamous relationship with my buffoon of a brother for six years. I didn't know how much the buffoon had told her? I didn't know just how aware Rose was of Tanya's ways? I decided I would find out. "Oh please, Tanya doesn't like me Rose. I hate to burst your bubble, but your little best friend Tanya only wanted to meet me so she could fuck me, and probably scope out her gold digging opportunities. She's a whore Rose," I said, just laying it out there, seeing what Rose's reaction would be.

Rose shuttered. "Oh real nice asshole," she said in disbelief.

_Fucking figures. _

Then I just felt pissed off enough to do something stupid. The mention of Tanya pissed me off enough to lose enough sense to piss all over everything I had been building toward. "I'm Emmett Cullen's better looking, smarter, potentially more successful younger brother. Your _friends_ have had the feelers out on me since I was in high school. Ask Emmett. I'm not lying," I said, implicating all of Rose's trashy friends for what they were. But little did she know her precious Emmett was my pimp too, hooking me up with the hottest USC tail for years. "Check Emmett's phone if you don't believe me," I said, and it was out before I could take it back. I was in for it. My life was as good as over.

"What's on his phone?" Rosalie whispered with a gulp, and for the first time in my life I could see Rosalie Hale upset, and about to crack. "What the fuck is on his phone Edward?" She cried then, and a tear was in her eye…

And somewhere deep down, I knew it was over for me and Emmett. I blew it. My anger over what he did was disproportionate to his actions. I broke his nose, and probably ended his relationship in one day. I realized that I was still an asshole through and through. I was worse than I even imagined I could be. The realization punched me in the gut. I hadn't changed at all.

I didn't answer Rosalie and just slammed my car door behind me and pealed out, not even able to contemplate how fucked I was, and just terrified that Emmett was going to retaliate.

Eye for an eye. Girl for a _girl_?

And then the bile came up, because I knew Bella and I were through. It was over. Emmett would see to that. And I deserved it too. I had no business fucking around with his life like that. No fucking business!

After the bile, came the tears, unstoppable and body shaking. I cried all the way home. It hurt to even breathe.

**AN- Don't really have one, but am curious about your reactions? Leave them in a review, I'd really appreciate that. Have a great day, and I hope you enjoyed! :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**The Sure Thing Chapter 18**

**EPOV**

I found myself on the side of Rosalie's street, madly dialing Emmett's phone, shaking and trying to stop fucking crying because that wasn't getting me fucking anywhere. "Pick up, pick up, pick up!" But again, his voicemail chimed in. "Fuck!"

I had to get a hold of myself. I was freaking out over possibly nothing. No, that wasn't true, that asshole would find a way to fuck with me, just like I fucked with him. I had genuine reason to freak the fuck out. And I was. "Damn it! Gah, pick up the fucking phone!"

Emmett was either ignoring my calls because he was still angry with me for breaking his nose, or Rosalie had already gotten to him, and I was too late. I wanted to warn him, tell him to erase all of the evidence of Tanya and the other girls on his phone. I felt like shit for setting him up like that…but I also figured he'd go easier on me if Rosalie didn't dump him. I was sure he would go easier on me if Rosalie didn't dump him. If Rosalie dumped him, Bella and I were as good as through.

I was torturing myself wondering what he would use against me? Hundreds of different possibilities ran through my head- Sleeping with his first girlfriend Julie, or my physics professor Dr. Steven to improve my grade, or half of the USC cheer squad…at the same time. Or Tanya? Most of all Tanya. Tanya was in town. Sure, I had never met her, but perhaps I had been selling my brother's intelligence short? He'd find a way to use her against me…he'd find a way. At the end of the day, he had the goods on me, he'd think of something. And if he couldn't? He'd lie if he had to.

After about twenty tries, I gave up on trying to call Emmett. He wasn't picking up. I sort of accepted then that one way or another, Bella was going to be speaking to Emmett…

So, I had to get to Bella first.

In the early stages of my plan, I thought about asking her to run away with me. I would ask her to pack her bags, and we would run away together. That way, Emmett couldn't get to her.

That seemed a bit extreme though, and I was pretty sure Bella wouldn't go for it.

So then I thought about making up some horrible lie about Emmett. I would just tarnish his credibility before he spoke to her, so that she wouldn't believe a word he said. Like tell her he was just diagnosed as a schizophrenic, and we were all trying to be supportive, but not to believe a word he says.

That too seemed extreme, and I was already in so deep with my brother that I honestly didn't want to make it worse.

Then I thought of a third alternative. I would tell Bella the truth.

That one was hard to swallow. Telling her? What would she think of me? Would she ever look at me the same way again? Would she dump me on the spot? Or would she let it drag out until her disgust in me just boils over and she can't stand to be around me anymore and all of her trust just evaporates and she gets paranoid, and angry, and ends up leaving because it gets to be too much.

I had watched that happen to another woman I loved. Not in the same way exactly, but I had watched a woman get consumed with anger and sadness and lose faith and just check out. I had seen that first hand…with my mother.

But it came down to me breaking Bella, or Emmett doing it for me, and without me, and against my will.

It had to be me.

I spent the afternoon like a total creeper sitting in the Newton's parking lot. I had some weed, so I smoked a few bowls between crying jags and three full plays of Bella's Neil Young CD.

Before I could start the CD for a fourth time, Bella came out of the store. She had ditched the red vest, and was wearing her red puffer coat and plum hat like the morning she ran after me in the school parking lot.

She was smiling, and the low December sun was shining on her, and she had a skip in her step. Bella Swan was happy, and I hated myself because I was about to wreck that. I loved her, and all I wanted was for her to be happy…it's all I wanted.

I bolted out of my car, secretly paranoid Emmett was hiding in a shadow waiting for her. When I got to her, my head was a blur and my heart was just fucking pounding, and she didn't even have time to react before I had her pinned against the side brick wall of the store.

She looked frightened, then amused. "Edward!" She cried playfully, like I had come to fucking sneak up on her as a joke.

Seeing me, unshowered and stoned and probably red in the eyes, her happy expression fell quickly. "What's wrong?" she asked, struggling to get her hands free. "What happened?" She was breathing really heavily and looking fucking panicked.

I tried to find the words. Then I did. "I love you," I breathed into her flushed face, my hands pinned over her shoulders, holding her against the wall. She just stared at me all worried and scared. So I just held her there, not able to move until she said it back. "Say it back. Tell me you love me too," I begged, needing her to say it back. I needed to know where I stood with her before I fucking broke her heart.

Bella's shoulders slumped and her face got all apologetic, like wordlessly telling me that she wasn't going to say it. It felt like my guts were being torn out with her silence, but maybe it was better that way? Maybe Bella not loving me too would make it easier?

Then her hands wrapped around my cheeks, pulling me closer. "Have you been crying?" she asked, rubbing tears from my eyes with her thumbs that I didn't even know were there. "Edward, I'm serious, what's the matter?" She asked, her voice starting to break.

I burned at the feel of her hands on my face and looked at her, taking in the caring and concerned look in her eyes, and said goodbye to it. "I fucked up Bella," I said with a stutter. "I fucked up."

Bella didn't shirk away and just held my face tighter. "What happened? Just start from the beginning and tell me," she said, soothing my teary eyes with her touch. I didn't deserve it.

I sighed and agreed to tell her. It was past the point of lying or begging her to run away with me. I just needed to get it over with.

We ended up in her truck. I was in the passenger seat, and Bella was on my lap stroking my face and trying to calm me like she wanted to be there for me, but having no clue what she was getting herself into. She probably thought I did something to Emmett again, or I don't fucking know? And I should have pushed her from my lap, but I couldn't. I wanted to be with her for as long as possible, even if it was for only a few more minutes.

Then, when the silence was getting to be too much, and Bella's concern was seeming too misplaced, I just fucking started talking. "There is this girl. Her name is Tanya. She's friends with Rosalie, and she's really slutty. I mean _really_ slutty," I said into the air, just deciding it was time for her to stop being so fucking nice to me.

Bella's body shook with a dry heave and slid from my lap and into the driver seat. "I think I'm going to be sick," she groaned, truly looking like she was going to be ill.

"No!" I cried reaching for her, wanting her back. "I didn't… I mean, I've never actually met her. Well, I _was_ planning on meeting her before you, but," I tried to explain. "I've never met her Bella. I've never met her!"

Bella's body stilled and she looked at me with relief. "Jesus, I thought…"

"You thought I was going to tell you I cheated on you?"

"Yeah."

"I haven't," I said softly, reaching for her. "And I never will." She took my hand hesitantly, but it felt forced. Ignoring the feeling, I just kept going. "But I _was _going to meet her Bella. I was planning on it," I admitted, wanting her to know the truth.

"To have sex with her?" Bella asked shakily.

"Yeah," I sighed.

Bella nodded in understanding and steadied herself. "And this was _before_ right?" She asked.

"Yeah. Definitely," I assured her.

Then Bella caught her breath, and her brow furrowed, and then it's like a revelation came to her and she shrugged her shoulders. "So?" She asked, clearly confused or something, she didn't seem nearly angry enough.

"So? What do you mean so? You don't care?" I asked.

Bella's eyes bulged a bit with a question. "_Should_ I care?" She asked, like maybe there was something I wasn't telling her.

But there wasn't. That was pretty much it. I was planning on meeting Tanya to have sex with her. Well, that wasn't all of it. There was a little more.

I held tightly to Bella's hand, and I hoped she could see the regret on my face. "She was my plans," I started with a sigh. "I lied to you about that in Livingston. I _did_ have plans…with Tanya," I admitted sadly waiting for Bella to respond, to recoil, to get angry...

But she didn't. Not really anyway.

"Ok, that's shitty," she said a bit disappointed. "I thought you lied about your plans? I thought you were scared or something and just pushing me away?" She asked, but her grip on my hand tightened, and she was scooting closer to me. Her reaction was perplexing me. I could feel her coming back to me, and she barely even left.

I gripped her hand and pulled her even closer to me so that our thighs were touching and our elbows were touching, and she could see my eyes. "I'm sorry," I said. "Bella, I'm so sorry."

Then Bella smiled and her hand reached for my face and her little fingers stroked my whiskers and I knew it wasn't over. It wasn't fucking over! A pent up gasp of relief just ripped out of me. "Bella!" I cried, just grabbing for her, tears spilling from my eyes, my lips searching for hers in a blurry haze of confused elation.

Her lips found mine first and she kissed me softly, and stroked my face, and found her way back into my lap and I was fucking crying like a baby. She kissed me tenderly and sweetly and I couldn't feel her anger, because I don't think there was any.

And as Bella kissed me, I realized that Tanya was just another metaphor. Tanya tugged at me, and loomed over my relationship with Bella. She represented my old life, my old ways, my old disgusting behavior. And as long as she was looming over me, I could never really let my past go.

The only way I was ever going to be rid of Tanya, and my old self, was to tell Bella about her. And once I did, there was nothing stopping me or holding me back, or weighing on me…I was free.

My fear of Tanya destroying Bella and me wasn't real, none of it was. I had never even met Tanya. I didn't even know her. I just saw her as this symbol, this flesh representation of the asshole I once was. She was my last bad act before falling for Bella. She was the last little bit of black goo that had to come up before I could truly move on.

But I couldn't do that by ignoring her, by pushing her under the rug, by screwing with Emmett and Rosalie and subconsciously blaming _them_ for her existence…Bella would understand how futile doing that was, because she had done something similar to me.

No, I just had to be up front and honest with Bella…about everything.

I pulled out of the kiss. I didn't want to, but I realized that if things were going to be truly right for us, I had to clear the air…with everything that had been eating at me.

"I've slept with a lot of girls Bella," I said breathing into her neck, trying to cool her down, but she was pecking at me and breathing heavily and squirming and just being Bella.

"I know," she whined, taking my ear into her mouth and shifting again on my lap.

"That doesn't bother you," I asked, grabbing a handful of her hair and just going to town on her neck.

Bella stilled, and pulled away from my ear and looked at me. "No," she whispered sincerely, stroking my cheek with her thumb. "Because I know what this _is_ Edward, and I know that whatever was going on with you before has nothing to do with this."

"What is this?" I asked, needing her to say it. "Tell me Bella?"

Bella smiled, and nodded to me. "This is love Edward," she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

And in that moment, it really was. It's like Bella intrinsically understood everything that I couldn't see. She understood who I was, who I am, and who I wanted to be. She understood where I had been, but also where I wanted to go. She just got me, despite the fact that I didn't always get myself. And I loved her for it.

"I love you Bella," I said.

Bella smiled and brushed her lips lightly over mine. "I love you too Edward," she said. "And I know you have a past, and I know you have guilt about it…"

"It's just that I was such a disgusting shit. I wasn't sure if you would want to be with me. I was so afraid," I said cutting her off, but feeling this overwhelming rush of adrenaline and joy and just feeling safe again to tell her anything, because I knew she would understand.

Bella kissed my forehead this time, and began to run her hands soothingly over my back. "The boy I'm in love with is _not_ a disgusting shit," she said, pressing her lips to my forehead once more, and the black goo of my old self just evaporated with every kiss.

She loved me, she accepted me, she knew about Tanya fucking Denali and she was ok with it. I couldn't ask for a better outcome. I couldn't ask for a better girl. No, Bella was not my mother. Bella was a lot stronger than her.

Bella wasn't going to leave me and disappear if things got hard. She was going to stay.

And so when I told her about what I had done to Emmett, I did it knowing I'd have an ally, I'd have support, I'd have a body that I could place between Emmett and me so he couldn't kill me.

Because he was going to fucking kill me.

"He's going to_ kill_ you Edward," Bella said, her disappointment and disgust in me clear on her face. But it was the disgust of a girl who loved me…not a girl who was leaving any time soon. "We should get you a helmet or something in the store?"

"Good idea."

"We sell hockey pads too."

"Better idea."

"Rosalie's not much bigger than me…I can take her."

"I don't doubt that…"

"I love you Edward."

"I love you too Bella."

**AN- Hmmm, I fooled some of you didn't I? No, Bella wasn't going to get mad about Tanya. Edward was the one holding onto Tanya. He had to let her go, exorcise her from his body completely, in order to really allow himself to be happy with Bella. I hope I didn't let some of you down who were hoping for more drama? **

**Have a great weekend, and just FYI, I'm stopping at 20 chapters and I'll probably do an epilogue. So, we're nearing the end. Thanks so much for reading!**


	19. Chapter 19

**The Sure Thing Chapter 19 **

**EPOV**

Bella offered to drive me in her truck to the Hale's. If I knew Emmett at all, he was still there. Fucker loved Rosalie and he would fight for her. Thinking about what I did just made me realize more and more how fucking unforgivable it was. I had fucked up throughout the years, but it was always with my own life. Fucking with Emmett's was just a whole new low, and I was determined to make it right.

See Emmett and I didn't have a lot of love in our lives growing up…except Emmett always had Rosalie. Best friends as kids, then slowly they became more until one day they were just inseparable. She followed him to USC, and left a pretty successful modeling 'opportunity' in New York because she missed him so much. And he worked his butt off day in and day out to get drafted into the NFL so that he could provide for her the kind of life that he felt she deserved…

Breaking up because of me? I would be damned before that happened.

As Bella pulled down the Hale's driveway she reached for my hand and turned to me and smiled. She knew I was nervous, a kind of nervous that I had never felt before. Not because I was afraid of getting the tar beaten out of me, I was ready for that. But nervous because I knew that if I couldn't fix it, I'd lose my brother forever. And as that idea really started to sink in…it hurt like hell.

"Just make sure he knows you're sorry," Bella whispered as she gave my hand a last squeeze.

"I will."

Dropping my hand, she threw the truck into park and turned off the ignition. "I can't be with you for this, you know?" She said quietly. "You have to do this by yourself."

"Yeah, I know," I sighed, leaning over to give Bella a weak kiss.

She grabbed my cheeks. "Good luck."

"Thanks."

Just knowing Bella was there at all made me feel better as I made my way toward the house, striding slowly toward the front steps. I was just trying to come up with something, anything to say that might fix it. But I was shit out of ideas, when I heard Emmett calling to Rosalie from the back of the house.

"_Rosalie let me in. Just let me explain!" _

My head snapped immediately backwards to Bella, sitting in the truck. I found her eyes, and they were urging me forward. "Go," she mouthed to me. So I went.

When I turned the corner to the backyard, Emmett was in his boxers and t-shirt and nothing else, perched on a snowy dirty old bench, his bruised and swollen head in his hands. "Rosie please!" He cried, his voice weak and cracking, and nasally due to his broken nose. My big brother was crying.

_Fuck…_

I took a step forward…_snap_…and a stick broke under my feet.

Emmett looked up, and his eyes were tired, and red, and defeated. "What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked weakly. "Come to end me? Put me out of my misery?"

"I'm sorry Emmett," I whispered, Bella's words in mind. He had to know how sorry I was, that was the goal. And the giant white cast and black eyes in the middle of his face just made it all the more important to me that he knew I was sorry.

Emmett turned his head down again and let out a low laugh in his chest, like he knew something I didn't. "Do you think I set you up with Tanya for me?" He snickered. "Did you honestly think I wanted to go behind Rosie's back like that?"

I thought over his question. "Yes?" I shrugged, because he never gave me a reason to think otherwise.

Emmett let out a huff. "Edward," he started, and I could see his knuckles tensing and getting white. "I was just trying to give you a reason to come home, a reason to talk to me. If I didn't take you to parties and introduce you to girls, I didn't think you'd ever want to talk to me at all," He said sadly, and I wanted to fucking vomit.

"Emmett…I'm," I said, reaching for him, but completely at a loss for words.

Then Emmett's white knuckled hands clenched into tight fists, and he pounded them into the bench. "Save it!" He cried, standing barefoot into the slushy wet ground and coming toward me, eyes ablaze. "I know you think I'm an idiot. I know you think you're smarter than me, and above me…"

"I don't…"

"Yes you do. If you loved me at all you wouldn't have done what you did," he said, tears starting to flow from his black and blue eyes.

He spoke the truth. If I loved my brother, I wouldn't have done what I did. But Emmett made it very clear that he loved me, and that fucking killed. He did it all for me, so that I would have an excuse to talk to him, so that I might be bothered to come home and spend some time with him. Fuck, I was such a dick!

Thing is, somewhere I felt like I did love my brother. I wouldn't be begging for his forgiveness if I didn't. It's just, I didn't know how to show it before. I didn't know what it meant.

I nodded toward the bench, asking Emmett to join me, to talk it out, to fix it.

It took him a minute, he glared at me and proudly tried to sniff back some tears and pace and act all mad, but he sat eventually. See my brother was a better person than I was. Seemingly every person I came into contact with was a better person than I was. A fact that I was determined to change.

Once he sat, I just started talking, both of our heads firmly planted toward the dirt and ice. "I didn't know how to love," I started. "I wasn't capable of it." Then I turned to Emmett, and tried to find his eyes. "I am now. That's what I've been wanting to tell you," I said, and Emmett looked up. "And I was just so afraid that you were going to take her away from me, that I think I subconsciously wanted to take Rosalie away from you first. That way, I wouldn't be the only one suffering," I finished, and as the words came out, I realized the whole truth of why I did it. If Emmett was going to make me suffer, he was going to suffer too. Simple as that.

But Emmett would never want me to suffer. That was the part of the scenario that I was too cynical and too paranoid to understand.

"Take her away from you? Why would you _ever_ think I would want to do that?" Emmett asked. His eyes were so sincere and fucking hurt by what I said. I didn't know how to answer him?

"I don't know?" I shrugged. "I think somewhere along the way I just stopped trusting people all together. And that included you."

"All I did was try to love you despite your best efforts to convince me not to. I didn't deserve what you did to me," he spat.

He was right, and since I couldn't take it back, all that was left to do was apologize, to grovel, to beg if I had to. I didn't deserve his forgiveness, I realized that, but I was going to try…

"I'm _so _sorry Emmett," I said, and then my voice started to crack and get shaky too and I could feel the guilt just gnawing in the pit of my stomach. "I know I can't make this up to you, but I'm going to try."

Emmett nodded, and it seemed like he accepted that I was sincere. Then he let out another low laugh in his chest. "I only did it to try to bond with my little brother. I just wanted us to be brothers, to be a family, to have some sort of connection," he snickered. "Look where that fucking got me?"

I dipped my head in shame, recoiling when he repeated his motive for setting me up with Tanya, with all the girls. He did it so I would talk to him. Then I just wondered why I did it? It's not like I had trouble meeting girls or finding parties. And even then, I wondered why it was so important to me to meet these girls? I strongly disliked the majority of them, and the sex was nothing in comparison to the real thing…

Then I realized why I did it, and it had nothing to do with sex, or parties, or hot girls…It was just a feeble attempt at finding happiness, something that had eluded me my entire life…

But it didn't elude Emmett.

I turned to Emmett. "I only went along with it because I wanted to feel something…to be happy and carefree like you. You seemed so happy," I whined, and my tears finally broke. "I was so unhappy Emmett," I admitted. "I just thought you had the answers for me?"

Then Emmett looked at me, and it was like I could really see him for the first time in my life. "Rosalie was my answer man," he sniffed. "She made me happy."

And I knew exactly how he felt, because my answer was sitting in a red truck in the front of the house. "I get that now," I nodded. "Emmett I'm sorry. I would do anything to take it back. Is Rosalie here? Can I talk to her?" I asked, realizing that if I just could explain to her how all of it was my fault and Emmett was not to blame, she'd have to understand…

But before I could, the back door flew open, and a sobbing Rosalie was standing there, with two red puffy sleeved arms holding her up…

_Bella._

Rosalie looked at me. "You don't have to," she whimpered. "I heard the whole thing."

Then Emmett looked up with tears in his eyes. "You did?"

Rosalie broke free from Bella's hold, and ran to Emmett. "Oh stop crying you big monkey!" She cried and threw her arms around him. "Shh, baby, shh," she soothed, and in her arms my big strong brother was like a child.

I took my eyes off of them, and looked back toward the door. _Bella_.

"Hey," I sniffed, wiping more tears from my eyes.

"Hey," she smiled, taking the few steps toward me to cut the distance.

I grabbed her, and pinned her to me and just held her and kissed her on the Hale's lawn, just like my brother was holding his girl, mending wounds that were in dire need of mending.

After the emotional display on the lawn got to be too much, for all of us, Rosalie invited us in to warm up and dry off a bit and just unwind. Emmett and I had a beer and he laughed about how badass his broken nose was going to look on his Sports illustrated cover. And when he offered me his fist, I bumped it with mine with a smile. He was willing to try if I was. And I was. I wanted my brother in my life.

Bella and I decided to invite Rose and Emmett to help us with the decorations for mom. It was a big job and as the days ticked by, we were running out of time. I wanted to have every tree lining our driveway lit by the 23rd when she arrived, and Emmett could definitely help with that.

They agreed, and were happy to help. One small thing that was wearing on Rosalie though, was the fact that Tanya had taken off after Rosalie confronted her, and she didn't have her phone or her wallet and was on foot. Rosalie was all of a sudden really scared something could happen to her…even though she was mad as hell at her.

"I can help you look for her?" Bella volunteered. "My dad's a cop, I've picked up a few tricks on how to find people…like they almost always walk downhill, and they get drawn to commercial areas."

"You would do that?" Rosalie asked, touched.

"Of course," Bella smiled.

I pulled Bella into me and kissed her temple. "Thank you," I whispered. "Have I told you lately how much I fucking love you?"

Bella's hand reached up and stroked my jaw. "I know, and I love you too. That's why I'm going to pick your slutty date up off the streets," she laughed, and kissed me lightly.

The girls took off in Bella's truck, and Emmett and I decided to walk to my car in Newton's parking lot. It was about two miles, uphill, but we needed to get some air and just talk.

"So Bella's pretty awesome," Emmett said, nodding his approval, as we kept to the gravel skirt of the redwood lined road.

"Yeah, she really is," I agreed.

"She dresses weird."

I laughed. "Yeah."

"But her face…"

"Beautiful, right?"

"Yeah man. She's giving Rosie a run for her money."

"Thanks Emmett."

Emmett smiled. "Just calling it like I see it. So, you're really serious about her huh?"

"I love her," I said simply.

Emmett nodded. "I can tell. Hey congratulations brother, I'm happy for you," Emmett said, with the enthusiasm and sincerity that I wanted from him the night of our fight. But it was coming better late than never, and I was happy to hear it.

"Thanks Emmett."

We made it to my car by dark, and drove in a compatible silence back to the house. Emmett and I were good, better than I could ever remember. We cried together, fought over something real, and something important, and came through the other side closer, like brothers.

The red truck was already in the driveway when we got there, and a tall, busty, leggy strawberry blonde in yoga pants and a sweatshirt was hugging and laughing with Rosalie. It was Tanya, she was in my driveway, at my house…

_Kissing Bella on the cheek?_

I pulled the car up next to them, and Bella turned with a smile and waved to me. "There you guys are!" She cried and opened my door and clung to me. "Edward, I want you to meet somebody," Bella said as she got me to my feet and pulled me toward Tanya. "Edward, this is Tanya Denali. Tanya, Edward." Bella gave me a look like it was ok, like I should say hi, like being afraid of Tanya was yesterday's news.

So I turned my eyes up, gripping tightly to the little hand in mine, and blue tear stained mascara smeared eyes smiled at me. "Hi Tanya," I said. "It's really nice to meet you."

**AN- One more chapter to go before the epilogue! I hope you liked this one? It was a little Bella light, but I promise the next one won't be. ;) Leave me your last thoughts before the end if you want. Have a great day. **


	20. Chapter 20

**End Chapter. **

**EPOV…**

**Pssst- This is **_**not**_** the last chapter before the epilogue…I lied. **

The five of us worked for hours. Emmett and I focused on the outside, while the girls got to work inside, leaving me some time to adjust to Tanya's presence.

Her presence in my life was my own doing. The magnitude, the weight, the importance I placed on her wasn't real. In a matter of a few days she went from the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, to the fiery pit of hell that was licking at my toes as I was trying to climb out.

But I did climb out, and Tanya Denali was neither of those things. She wasn't my light…that was Bella. And she wasn't some demon trying to drag me down with her either. In the end, she was just a pretty girl who wore too much makeup, had a fake laugh, too many tattoos, and skin that was tinted a ruddy orange color. I could see Tanya, the real Tanya, and she was just an insecure girl looking for love, nothing more, nothing less.

The more I thought about it I realized that Tanya was probably a lot like me; someone who had lost their way at some point and was trying to find some answers. And like me she thought she'd find them in the, err, company of other people. Feeble attempts at human connection, at companionship…

I wanted to tell her there was more. I wanted to tell her there was a way out. But I never talked to her, or tried to explain to her that there was happiness out there, even for the most fucked up of us. No, I think that was something she'd have to figure out on her own. And I hoped she did. I wanted only the best for Tanya Denali. The new me was a nice guy like that.

So I gave her a friendly hug, told her I'd see her around maybe, and just like that she was gone. Just gone.

When the house was clear, and we were alone, Bella and I took a look around. It was exactly as I imagined it, a fucking Christmas a-bomb, complete with white twinkle lights lining the driveway and a 15 foot tree with all the trimmings.

As a kid, I never got into Christmas. I dreaded it actually. Mom wasn't always present, and the times she was usually ended in boozy arguments and nasty hangovers. One year, when I was ten, she never even made it downstairs. She spent Christmas in her room, while Emmett and I went through the motions with Carlisle downstairs. I remember how fucking bitter and disgusting it made me feel. How it hurt my feelings and how I wished she had never come home. That was the point, the moment I started to resent my mother…Christmas day when I was ten years old.

Holding Bella under the tree that she helped me decorate for her, I knew I was ready to put that resentment behind me. Maybe I would never have a relationship with my mother? Maybe she was too far gone? But I wasn't too far gone, and resenting Mom was something the old me did. Even if she spat all over my efforts and drank herself into a fucking coma, I wasn't going to take it personally.

Bella looked at the tree and smiled. "It's perfect," she whispered, entwining her fingers in mine, just admiring our accomplishment.

Her face glowed under all of the colored lights, and somewhere inside I got hopeful for the week ahead. I pulled her closer. "Will you come? Be with me when she arrives?"

Bella looked up at me and nodded. "I wouldn't be anywhere else," she said simply.

I dropped her fingers and took her face into my hands. "I'm not sure who or what is going to show up? I just want her to know you Bella," I said, dreading the possible monster that might arrive, but feeling certain she had to know Bella. She just had to know her. My mother had to know the girl who made me want to change…who gave me a reason to change.

I looked hopefully to Bella, and she leaned into my hands. "I want to know her too," she smiled.

I smiled too, and I dropped my mouth to hers, and she lifted herself to meet my lips. She kissed me gently and slowly and in a way that made me feel like she fucking loved me, and would have my back the whole time my mom was in town…good or bad. And I hoped she could feel something in the way I kissed her too. I don't know why, but all of a sudden that fucking mattered. I wanted every kiss with Bella to count.

When the kiss slowed into deep pecks, Bella pulled away and scrubbed her hands into my hair. "You need a bath. It's been a long day for you," she said, leaving one last kiss on the cut above my lip… reminding me.

It _had_ been a long day. Scrambling out of Bella's window at the butt crack of dawn, then a blow job in the Newton's staff bathroom, to my run in with Rosalie, to my confession to Bella, then my apology to Emmett, to meeting Tanya, to miraculously still standing so I could kiss Bella under the tree…my day had been full.

But it occurred to me that all day, even when it was exhausting and emotionally draining and painful, I was living…truly living. I wasn't going through the motions. I wasn't faking it. I was alive. And from that point forward, I was never turning back. Living was so much better than merely existing, even when it was fucking messy.

Just basking in the joy of being alive, I swooped down to Bella's waist and slung her over my shoulder. "I don't take baths alone," I declared over Bella's resistant squeals. "Taking baths alone is for shit!"

Bella was kicking and laughing "Oh, you can and you will!" She cried as I headed for the stairs.

"I hope those boots are fucking waterproof!"

When I made it to the top of the steps, I kicked in the door to the bathroom, lugging Bella who was slapping my ass with her hands… "Please don't! No!" She cried. I stepped in all dramatically and shit and kicked on the water to the tub with my foot. "No Edward!"

The water began to steam and fill the tub as Bella got increasingly squirmy and petrified. I had no intention of dunking her, but she didn't know that, and I wanted to make it interesting..

_Conditions…conditions?_

"Move in with me," I shouted over her cries. "I won't dunk you if you move in with me."

Then Bella's body went still and she was silent.

I bent down and put her on her feet, and gripped her face as soon as humanly possible. She was red and flustered, but grinning widely. "Move in with me?" I asked again.

"You mean at school?" She asked softly into the steamy bathroom.

"Yeah."

"I don't even know where you live?"

"Does it matter?"

"No," she sighed. Then with a laugh she gripped her fingers tightly into my hair, pulling my face to hers, plunging her tongue into my mouth.

_I guess that's a yes? _

Then it got clumsy and desperate…like a horny tornado as we ripped and tugged at each other's clothes, and swallowed each other's tongues, and found new and interesting ways to unbutton and shimmy out of stuff while simultaneously inhaling lips and stimulating body parts…

We did this dance until both of us were buck naked and making out like idiots against the cold bathroom tile wall, with combat boots, and purple sweaters, and black leather and denim strewn throughout the floor.

The soreness in my face and hands was gone, and I was just grinding into Bella and touching her and kissing her.

_Bella…my new roommate. _

"I love you," I whined as she began sliding her hand over my erection, making my body just feel stuff I never let it feel before. With Bella, I just let it go…

Bella's mouth went to my ear. "I love you too."

Somehow we made it to the tub, I got in first, and she crawled on top of me, and straddled her legs and her center over my stomach and her perfect little breasts brushed into my mouth and across my face and all around me. I didn't have a condom on, we couldn't have sex. So we just fondled and played and rubbed and made out.

And it was so fucking hot to fool around to a point where I had never fooled around to before. Like serious fucking foreplay. I slipped my fingers inside her, but stopped when she started to let out these hot little whimpers. She would rub against me with her ass, but stopped when I started bucking back.

She shampooed me, and soaped me, and I did somehow get clean…And when I was, I picked her up and carried her to my bed.

The mood intensified from the bathroom to the bedroom. It got quiet, and serious. We were playful in the bathroom, just fooling around. But when I lifted Bella from the tub, and she clung to me wet trembling and naked, a shift occurred.

I laid her down on my bed gently and grabbed for a condom in my night stand.

I entered her without a single word.

She was soaked, inside and out, and shivering. I pulled her to me tightly to keep her warm. I rubbed my hands up and down the soft skin of her back, warming her while moving slowly inside of her.

It wasn't a race, I wasn't in a hurry…I just steadied my breath and kissed Bella's forehead and stared into her brown eyes, and made every movement count…

Bella's eyes were burning into me as she took low shivering breaths, like she could feel my purposeful movements, like they _were_ counting.

And in time, her eyes got heavier and her breaths quickened, and her body was warm and humming…But instead of picking up my pace, I slowed it down… Slow and easy, building toward something I knew was going to be amazing. The pressure inside me, the feeling, was beyond intense.

And we weren't talking. We weren't really kissing either. We were just breathing, and staring, and moving, and feeling each other's bodies.

And I knew she could _see_ me, and I could see her too, and that we were fucking in love. Behind those brown eyes was the girl who saved me. Behind those brown eyes was the crazy chick who pretended to hate me, and tried to kick me, and stomped on my foot, and cried with me, and laughed with me, and challenged me…

And that was it. She was it. Bella Swan was the only girl I would ever love. The connection I was feeling was one I would only ever feel with her.

_She was it… _

And with that thought in mind, I came. Mind numbing, explosive, primal, and like nothing I had ever felt before. I moaned, I jerked, I held Bella tight as an addictive shiver followed by a heat wave raided and pillaged my entire body.

Bella came too, I could feel her nails in my back, and her body shake and squeeze and purr. She screamed. She screamed my name…"Edward!"

Later that night, Bella and I were lying in bed, blissful, and just drifting in and out of sleep, drifting in and out of conversation. Then a question occurred to me that I had been meaning to ask. I knew it would change the mood, dampen it, but after everything Bella had been helping me with, I couldn't ignore this question…

"Bella?"

"Yeah."

"Have you talked to your mom at all?"

Bella let out a deep sigh and turned her head into the crook of my arm. "Edward why are you bringing this up?" She asked sort of angrily.

I guess I brought it up because I was thinking about how I wasn't the only one growing. I wasn't the only one changing. Bella, the way she handled Tanya, and me, and how understanding and forgiving and mature she was being…was sort of a contrast to how she was treating her mother.

The Bella that started out with me on the road trip was bitter and grudge holding and confused. But with me, maybe through me, she let some stuff go and grew up. We were growing up together. And if she was holding my hand while I picked up the pieces of my life, who was helping her pick up the pieces of hers? Well it was going to be fucking me obviously. So I brought it up.

I lifted her stubborn chin to look at me. "I thought the spirit of this past week was forgiveness?" I said. "If you forgave me, you should forgive her too."

Bella let out a bitter laugh. "I forgave you for something _she_ did. I had no business hating you in the first place," she shrugged. "I love you Edward, and I know you love me. But I'm not sure anymore if my mom loves me? If she did, she wouldn't have blown me off."

I stroked her cheek. "Bella, don't say that…Your mom is a bimbo, that doesn't mean she hasn't stopped loving you," I smiled.

And Bella smiled too. Her mom's sex drive overrode her maternal instincts, but it was a leap, even for Bella, to think she didn't love her anymore. Sure, her mom was an alien to me who I couldn't understand. I couldn't understand how anyone would willingly choose to not spend time with Bella. But I had to believe she loved Bella. Because someone who didn't love Bella, in my eyes, was dead inside.

"So, I call her…and say what exactly?" Bella asked me, rolling her eyes, but giving in.

I thought it over. "Hello? Merry Christmas? I love you mom and I don't care that you're a dirty dirty whore?" I suggested with a grin.

Bella laughed. "Fine," she agreed. But then her face fell a little.

"What?" I asked.

Bella sighed, and looked a bit dejected. "It's just that I _do_ care that she's a dirty dirty whore," she said.

I pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. "I know you do," I whispered. "I know you do."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you so much."

"I love you too," I said, stroking her cheek.

Then Bella's body got a little shaky and her eyes sort of gleamed with tears in the moonlight. "No," she sniffed. "I love you because you asked me about my mom. I love you because you just know…"

With a gasp, I pulled her lips to mine and kissed her, wiping her tears away with my thumbs. I kissed her until her tears stopped, tears she would only shed for me. She never cried around other people. Bella loved me for the same reasons that I loved her.

We just knew…

**AN- Sorry it ended sort of abruptly, because this was actually just the first third of a massively long chapter I split in two. So to be continued…the next one is probably close to 5,000 words, then the epilogue. **


	21. Chapter 21

**Wow! Sorry this is so late, but I wanted to do it right, and in length it's equivalent to like 4 of my regular chapters, so I haven't actually been slacking…I just wrote A LOT. Enjoy! **

**Chapter 21**

**EPOV**

**December 23rd**

I hissed, "Here give me your leg," gripping one hand to the headrest of Bella's truck, and the other to her calf, trying to find a better angle.

Bella's leg flung over my shoulder. "Good. Yes, that's soo good," she moaned as my dick inched deeper into her tight wetness, sending a fucking shiver up my spine.

_Awesome. _

We were parked in the woods about 200 yards from Newton's, fogging up the cabin, and taking advantage of her lunch break.

"Feel good?" I asked as I found a rhythm.

"Uh huh."

"Want me to go faster?"

Bella found my eyes. "No," she moaned. "Let's make this last a little."

I laughed at Bella's request, remembering some of our rush jobs over the past week. This time, she wanted to enjoy it, and frankly so did I, so I slowed down. I stopped my fast hammer like thrusts and took Bella's soft swollen lower lip into my mouth, and eased in and out of her tight contorted body slowly…feeling every movement…roaming my hands under all of the layers of clothing covering her, and finding the warm skin of her back.

"That better?" I asked as I began to really feel our new pace, gripping my hands around Bella's shoulder blades.

"Much," she breathed, lifting her mouth to kiss me.

But before long Bella started to squeeze me and it suddenly felt like I was fucking a vacuum, and I was going to come if she didn't stop it. "Stop squeezing," I hissed lightly into her mouth, trying to keep it cool and last for her.

"Why?" Bella whimpered.

"I'm going to come too fast," I breathed.

Then Bella let out a little laugh and her soft hand pushed back my sweaty hair. "Then come," she smiled, "And I'll come too."

I didn't realize she was so close, but she was, and when I came, so did she. We were good like that or something. We had the sex thing figured out.

While we were getting cleaned up, breathless and sweaty, I was helping Bella into her boots and noticed something on her middle finger that I had never seen before. It was a silver ring, with a swan carved into it.

I grabbed her hand to examine it. "I've never seen you wear a ring before. Is this new?" I asked.

Bella looked up at me. "Yeah, my mom got it for me for Christmas," she sighed, sort of rolling her eyes. "I called her to thank her." The smile on her face and the tone in her voice told me she was happy about that.

"See what did I tell you?" I said with a triumphant smile, pulling her hand to my lips and kissing it. I knew she needed to fix things with her mom. Bella wasn't good at holding a grudge, it got really messy when she did.

Bella inched her way onto my lap in the passenger seat. "She wants to come for parent's weekend in the spring and meet you," she said softly, smiling at me and stroking my jaw.

"You told her about me huh?"

"Maybe."

"You did…You so did," I laughed, laying a kiss on her temple.

"I did," Bella sighed. "Of course I did."

"I can't wait to meet the infamous Renee," I said. "We'll be roommates then," I winked. "Hope she doesn't mind?"

"We will," Bella smiled sort of dreamily, her fingers always playing with the whiskers on my jaw. "But as you know she's a flooze, so she won't care," she shrugged. "It's Charlie that we're going to have to work on."

"Maybe it's better if he never finds out," I smiled, giving Bella one last squeeze before the dreaded time check. It was past 1:00, and she was already late. My heart sunk a little. "Let's get you back to work," I breathed, truly scared to leave her and go home. Mom would be home later, and Bella was the best and only distraction I had from letting the absolute puke inducing nerves of her arrival completely overtake me.

Then as if on cue, Bella's warm lips were on my cheek soothing me, like she knew. "I'll be over as soon as I can. It's going to be great," she cooed, kissing my cheek again. "I love you"

"I love you too."

And before I was ready, Bella got back to work at Newton's, and I went home.

Carlisle was there, and it was the first time I had seen him in days. He was standing in the kitchen, staring at about ten huge red plants sitting on the island. I walked up behind him, and he must have sensed me there.

"I asked the florist specifically for white poinsettias, and they sent red. She likes white," he said blankly.

I stepped closer. "You did the best you could dad," I whispered, trying to convey to him that I was on his side, whatever that meant. If Mom couldn't handle a few red poinsettias, than screw her. That's what I really wanted to say.

And maybe Carlisle heard me, subconsciously or something, because his head nodded and he turned to me, finding my eyes. "I try so hard to make her happy. I just want her to be happy," he said, like he was answering my unspoken objection, like he was explaining to me why year after year he bent over backwards for a woman who bailed on us.

_He wanted her to be happy. _

And maybe a couple of weeks ago I would have told Carlisle that he was fucking loser, and to grow a pair. But just like that, I understood where he was coming from.

So, the new me put my hand on my dad's shoulder, making contact with him in a way I rarely did. "She's lucky to have you Dad," I said, squeezing my hand one time over the wool of his sweater, making sure he felt what I was trying to do…trying to say really.

Carlisle just watched my hand, and then moved his blue eyes to meet mine again. "Thank you Edward. Thank you Son," he said.

I dropped my hand, and gave him a weak smile. "Sure."

Carlisle smiled too. "They say she's doing well," he said a bit lighter, sounding hopeful.

I held my tongue. They always said she was doing _well_, but that was never true. My mother ended up in the ER the last time they said she was doing _well_. She came home for my high school graduation and as I walked to the podium to give my Valedictorian speech, I looked for my parents, and they weren't there. They were at the hospital because my mom had found Emmett's pain killers from when he busted his knee in a game.

She lost a child, something that had happened since time and memoriam to women from all over the world and somehow they survived it…but not Esme Cullen; no, not her. It was getting to the point where it just seemed like shit or get off the pot time. Like, if she pulled another stunt like taking Em's meds, were we going to forgive her again? Were we going to decorate the house again next year and cry over poinsettias?

Yeah, yeah we probably were. Fuck who was I kidding?

I smiled at Carlisle. "I hope she is doing well Dad. I really do," I said.

"Thanks Edward."

_Ding…ding…ding…_

The sound of the doorbell shook us from our bonding moment, which seemed to be happening more and more lately. A few more of them and Carlisle and I would be on a prescription drug commercial high fiving and riding bikes in the desert together.

"Who could that be?" Carlisle asked, seeming pretty certain he wasn't expecting anybody yet.

I went for the door, and as I pulled it open, I knew who it was before I even saw her. She knew I needed her, and there she was. "I asked for the afternoon off," Bella smiled. "I hope that's ok?"

Without hesitation, I pulled her into me. "Thank you," I whispered, kissing her plum hat. "Thank you."

As I held Bella in the doorway, Carlisle made his way over, smiling. "Oh, if it isn't my favorite trauma patient!" he called, peaking at Bella through my arms.

"Hi Dr. Cullen," she smiled, wiggling away from me to shake my dad's hand.

He didn't shake her hand though…he took her into a hug, a big one. The smile on his face and the way he was hugging her was like an unspoken thank you to her…and I got it. He knew what my new attitude was about, and who to thank for it…He knew.

When he released her, he sent her back to me and looked to both of us happily. "I was just going to get started on dinner," he shrugged, and I could tell Carlisle was ready to put on his brave face and get on with the afternoon, no more fretting over fucking flowers. All that was left to do was be hopeful.

"I can do that," Bella volunteered, offering her expertise in the kitchen. "I'm a surprisingly good cook," she laughed.

Which was true, so I agreed, giving her arm a thankful pinch. "Yeah Dad, let us help you? You look exhausted," I said.

"I insist," Bella added.

Carlisle thought it over, and then nodded to us. "Well if you insist," he agreed. "I would like to get a nap in before your mother arrives."

"Done," I smiled, happy to help, and seeing in the purple pillows under my dad's eyes that a nap was definitely necessary.

I liked the idea of helping him, it wasn't something I offered to do very often…or ever until recently. Then I realized Bella made the actual offer…and then I realized there was still so much more I could learn from her.

So with an internal laugh, I reminded myself to keep her around for a bit…

Carlisle went upstairs, and left Bella and me to the dinner preparation. "Do you know how to cook?" Bella asked earnestly, like she honestly didn't know. And she didn't, because we still didn't know many of the finer details about each other. She knew she loved me, but she had no idea if I was capable of making toast.

Which I wasn't…

"Nope," I winked. "Not even a little bit."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Then stay out of my way," she sighed. "Amateur hour this is not."

"Perfect. I think watching you is a far better way to spend the afternoon anyway," I smiled, panning my eyes over Bella's body playfully.

"You think you're so cute don't you?" Bella smirked, as she caught me using one of my patented smiles on her. Or so she thought. But this particular smile was only ever used on her. I could feel it in my cheeks, and it was a whole new level of embarrassing, like the smile I had on my face in Wal Mart when I realized the magnitude of my crush on her. This smile was humiliating, and no other girl could ever even dream to coax it out of me besides Bella.

I pulled her in tighter, playfully scrubbing at her hair with my knuckles. "No, but I think you're cute," I said lamely.

"No, I think you're cute," Bella cooed up to me.

"No as cute as I think you are."

"Uh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

Our conversations sometimes deviated that way into the absolute doldrums of stupidity. But we didn't care. I think it was the whole love thing.

Eventually, I got Bella into the lobster apron my dad used for BBQ's and she got to work. I sat myself down on the counter, and watched as she turned our kitchen into the fucking best smelling room in the county.

She was chopping, and stirring, and shaking seasoning all over stuff, and chopping and stirring some more. I had to readjust myself a few times…seriously, it was hot.

She was making Grandma Cullen's recipe for Osso Bucco, fragrant braised shanks of lamb, and handled it like a champ…didn't even break a sweat.

"You think you should check the oven again?" I asked as I stared, wanting her to bend down to the oven again.

"Gee perv, I don't think I do," she quipped back to me without even losing her rhythm on the chopping board.

"You sure?" I laughed.

"Yes."

"Um, I don't think you sounded very sure. Maybe you should check the oven again, just in case?"

"Shut up."

_Ring…ring…ring…_

The sound of the phone ringing stopped us. "_I'll get it!_" I heard Carlisle call from upstairs, obviously not napping yet.

Once the ringing stopped, we both shrugged, and Bella went back to business, teasingly covering her ass with a cookie sheet so I couldn't stare…

"Cheater," I huffed.

"Pervert," Bella groaned, holding the sheet.

Then a few minutes later Carlisle came down the steps. He came into the kitchen, and looked a bit white in the face.

"What is it Dad?" I sort of asked with a laugh, unable to bridge the emotional gap between his face and the fun Bella and I were having. But somewhere inside I knew it was bad. I knew it, and I didn't want it to be true, so I kept smiling.

Carlisle came closer. "I'm sorry Edward, but your mom wasn't feeling up to it."

"What?" I asked like I was shocked…but I knew…

"She's not coming," Carlisle said, just verbalizing it. Verbalizing what I knew.

Then I couldn't talk. Bella and I were having so much fun that I completely forgot my mother even existed…And then like a punch in the gut, I remembered, and I fucking wanted to break something. But I couldn't because Bella's eyes were on me, I could feel them.

So I just started swallowing back saliva that was welling up in my throat, and trying to breathe because my chest felt really fucking tight. I could see Bella in my periphery, looking at me, and I wanted her gone. I wanted her gone because what was about to happen to me I didn't want her to see.

I was going to flip out, and I didn't want her to see it. So I just tried to breathe…

_Breathe Edward, breathe…_

See, Mom not showing was not unprecedented. It had happened before. But I was flipping out because this year, this time, I was really hoping it would be different. Everything else was different. I was different most importantly. And I just wanted my mom to see me happy. I wanted to tell her I was going to apply to med school. I wanted to show off the beautiful, smart, fun, crazy girl of my dreams, and have them hug and shit and talk about me behind my back. I wanted her to meet Bella. I wanted that so much.

But then, before I completely spazzed, _something_ made me look at my Dad…

_Fuck…_

And looking at my Dad, I realized it wasn't all about me…The look behind his eyes wasn't something I had any experience with. He looked completely empty.

"I'm sorry Dad," I was able to say. Bella came into focus and she looked at me and smiled weakly, approving my sympathy for my dad.

Carlisle nodded. "If you'll excuse me, I think I'd like to be alone," he said.

"Sure," I whispered.

In the old days I would go to my room and break stuff and put a massive dent into my weed stash, and feel sorry for myself and somehow make it all about me. But in that moment, I wasn't really feeling sorry for myself at all. I was feeling sorry for Carlisle and my mom. I felt sorry that my mom had such a terrible addiction, and was so crippled by pain, and sadness, and fear that her entire existence for the past 18 years was within the walls of a rehab facility and a hospital. I don't think I ever let myself really contemplate that…really imagine what it must be like to exist like my mom did. Institutionalized, scheduled, cold, lonely, no family, no friends, no happiness in the world at all whatsoever.

And my dad? Well he had contemplated that…probably every moment of every day for the past 18 years. Suddenly the sadness behind his eyes, the age, the weariness made so much sense. It wasn't about _his _loneliness, or _his_ mundane and boring existence that wore him down…it was about hers.

If Bella ever ended up as fucked as my mom? Shit, I wouldn't even know what to do. I wouldn't be able to deal with it.

Putting myself into my dad's shoes and Bella into my mom's, I fully realized the absolute hell my father had been trapped in for 18 years. He was living in Hades, with no way out, hanging onto tiny shreds of hope that my mother would recover, only to be kicked in the balls every time she didn't show up.

When Carlisle was gone, Bella reached for me on the counter. "Edward, I'm so sorry," she said, rubbing my thighs with her hands, her big brown eyes making each breath come more easily. "I just know how much you wanted this," she whispered sincerely.

And I did want it, I did…but in that moment, anger was starting to build toward my mother, and not because she screwed me over. I told myself I wouldn't take it personally, and I didn't, it wasn't about me. It was about him…about Carlisle. Carlisle was upstairs suffering, and for that I was angry. At my mom, at alcohol, at the fact that healthy babies could just stop breathing and drop dead in their sleep for no fucking reason other than to ruin families!

About to explode, I hopped down from the counter, and took Bella's hand. I needed some fucking air, it was suddenly hard to breathe again.

I dragged her outside without her coat, but she didn't resist, she just kept step with me, holding tightly to my hand until we made it to the woods. Once there, I dropped her hand and I grabbed for my cigarettes in my pocket, and lit one. I hadn't smoked in a while I realized. But I needed this cigarette. I needed it.

I began to walk deeper into the woods, pulling long drags on my cigarette, trying to get my thoughts straight. And as I walked, she was following me. I could feel her moving with me. I would walk toward a big pine, and she would follow two steps behind me. She wasn't saying anything, but she was with me.

I walked deeper and deeper into the woods, and was finally stopped by a stream I couldn't cross. I turned around, and she was there, arms folded over her cold body, tears streaming down her face.

But she was there. For the first time in my life, I had someone there when my mom let me down.

So I took a deep breath, flicked my cigarette into the stream, and I found her eyes. "He was fucking worried about the color poinsettia she liked, and she didn't even fucking show!" I cried, while Bella sort of reached for me, holding out her arms as tears streamed down her face.

"She's sick," she whimpered, staring right into me, telling me what I didn't want to hear.

I didn't go to her…not yet.

"Our driveway looks like a runway to the North Pole and she didn't even fucking show!" I shouted into Bella's red splotched face, making her wince, but she still held her arms out for me.

"She isn't well Edward, it's not her fault!" She cried, almost hysterical.

"It _is_ her fault!" I screamed…just screamed.

"You know that's not true!"

"Then what _is_ true?" I cried, and with those words, I finally broke. Tears just started spilling out of me.

I stared at Bella, starting to choke on my sobs, waiting for her answer, waiting for her to defend my mom again. But she didn't. Not this time. She just held her arms open for me…

And I looked at her, and she looked at me, and there was nothing left for me to do. I took the two steps toward her and fell into her open arms, sobs breaking out of me as I felt her arms wrap around me so tightly I could almost feel her heart beating through her shirt. I surrendered to her. She won.

"Shhh, sweetheart, shhh," she whispered, hushing me, and stroking my back and kissing my neck, and falling with me to my knees, just holding me to her while I cried in her arms. "It's not her fault Edward, it's no one's fault."

"I know," I sobbed.

"Shhh, it's ok, shhh…"

My knees soaked with slush and mud, I reached for Bella's face through the blur of my tears, and grasped it. When I found her eyes, I looked to her seriously, and she looked right back. "Never quit. Never punk out and give up on life, on me, on anything. Please?" I begged, blinking past my tears, sniffing back the snot.

"I won't," Bella agreed firmly. "I promise, I won't."

"Promise me, if life gets tough you will always fight and stay in the game?"

"I promise," Bella nodded, as tears were rolling down her face. "Now you promise too," she begged. "Promise me too."

"I promise," I wept.

Then, I was going to ask her to promise me something that I knew it was too soon to ask her, but I had to. "Promise me you will always be with me. No matter what, just always be with me?" I asked, just completely vulnerable to the beautiful girl whose tearful face was in my hands, waiting for her reply.

It didn't take long though. "Of course I will," Bella smiled through her tears. "I'm not going anywhere," she assured me with a soft kiss on my cheek. "We don't have to make the mistakes our parents made."

"What if we do?" I asked.

"We won't," she said simply…and I believed her.

After that, there was nothing more to say, so I did the only thing that made sense…I kissed her. I pulled her face to my mouth, and I tasted her tears on my tongue, and I let the soft feel of her lips ease the pain that I was feeling in my chest. I fucking kissed Bella until I couldn't feel anything anymore except her, and how much I loved her, and how I knew that she would always be with me…because she promised.

Our kiss was long, and it was eager, and it finished the conversation we were having for us. It put meaning behind our words, it sealed our promise to each other. As long as kissing Bella felt that good, meant that much, healed me that way, we would never be apart.

We kissed for what felt like hours, and as the sun began to set, we walked hand in hand back to the house, ready to face whatever was next…together.

As we were getting closer to the house, Emmett's jeep pulled into the driveway. Rosalie and Emmett exited the car, dressed up, smiling, and carrying pie boxes.

"Shit," I hissed, gripping tighter to Bella's hand. I didn't know how to tell him? I couldn't bring myself to move.

Bella gripped my hand and looked up into my eyes. "Just tell him, there's no easy way to do it," she said, always reading my mind.

We walked out of the woods, soaked and dirty and red faced and snotty…and walked over to Emmett.

He saw me, and it didn't take long for him to catch on. "She's not coming is she?"

"No."

"How's Dad?" Emmett asked sincerely. Emmett was a better person than me after all, and always thought of others before himself.

"Not good," I shrugged. "He went to his room. I don't think he's coming down tonight."

"Fuck!" Emmett groaned with a tight jaw, allowing a small amount of anger towards my mother reach him. "Well isn't this just grand?"

Rosalie hands went his back and stoked his broad shoulders, but he kept his cool, better than I did at least. But that was always the case I guess.

"What should we do?" I asked my big brother, really seeing him as that in that moment. He was more mature than I was, more thoughtful, more in tune with my dad. He would know better than me how to handle it.

Emmett looked to me with a blank expression and shrugged. "We can't do anything Edward. It's been 18 years, there's nothing left, nothing we haven't tried…It just is what it is," he said coldly, then took Rosalie's hand and started toward the house, leaving Bella and me standing in the driveway.

I turned to look at her. "Is he right?" I asked. "Is it hopeless?"

"She's been sick a long time Edward," Bella whispered, pushing back a few stray tears with the back of her hand, but trying to be strong for me.

"What now?" I asked, completely clueless as to what to do.

Bella eased her body into mine, and I took her into my chest. "I think we should go inside," she started, her mouth damp on my shirt, "and spend time with the people that are here tonight."

That sounded like a good idea. "Ok," I agreed.

Bella looked up at me. "Hey," she sighed.

"Hey yourself," I sighed back.

"I love you ok?"

I smiled. "I love you too."

Then I kissed her head, and wiped her eyes, and let her wipe her nose on the sleeve of my shirt, and we went inside.

Bella checked on the food, and we changed into some old sweats, and we eventually ended up snuggled on the couch watching Home Alone with Rose and Em, trying to calm down and just accept the reality.

I put my head in Bella's lap and before long we were both laughing along with the movie, slowly forgetting, or accepting…Emmett was too. So by the time Kevin was lining his sled up on top of the stairs, I felt inspired. I wanted to salvage the day.

I perked my head up from Bella's lap, and looked at Emmett. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked with a smile.

"Hell yes," he nodded emphatically.

"What? What are you thinking?" Bella asked nervously.

"Oh no! The last time you two did this!" Rosalie cried.

"Did what? What are you going to do?" Bella asked again, really curious.

I sat up and grabbed her cheeks. "Meet me at the top of the steps in five minutes," I winked, then followed Emmett to the garage.

The first time we tried stair sledding was after the first time we watched Home Alone. I was maybe 5, and Em was 6, and Carlisle rented the movie from Blockbuster. It was our second Christmas after Alice died, and the last before Mom left permanently for rehab. She had done a few month long stints by that point, but nothing long term. She was there that Christmas, I remember her coming down at one point to eat and tell Emmett and me to, "Keep it down because Mommy has a headache…"

I think Carlisle felt sorry for us, or maybe he wanted to have a little fun himself, so he came up with the idea to give the old stair sledding a try.

I remember I had fun that day…holding tight to the sled with my father's big arms wrapped around Em and me as we thumped down the steps and out the door, and fell into the snow just like Kevin. It was a genuine moment of happiness in an otherwise unhappy and sad childhood. I wanted to feel it again, just once, with my brother, on a day when Mom once again let us down.

Emmett and I retrieved the old sleds from the garage with knowing smiles, then ran back to the house, where Bella was dutifully waiting for me on the top of the steps. To Emmett's surprise, so was Rosalie. She must have known Emmett needed her to be there, and she was.

Bella and I were up first. After a little coaxing, and some rearrangement of furniture, I finally got her into the sled. She sat in front, and I hovered over her in the back. "Do you trust me?" I asked a little breathless, alive with anticipation.

Bella's eyes bugged. "No!" she cried, looking terrified, but not leaving her seat.

"Well at least you're honest. Hold on!" I cried as I pushed off, and we began thumping and sliding and gaining speed as we just flew down the steps.

It was an instant high, and I held on tightly to Bella as she screamed the whole way down. It took only seconds before we hit the door frame with a bang, got air, and fell crashing into the snow below.

It took me a few seconds to get my bearings, when I heard cackling laughter coming from the ball of brown hair and too big sweats laid out in the snow beside me.

I looked over, and she was rolling, just laughing like I had never seen her…and that was saying something. "Real laugh, or do you need assistance?" I laughed, as I rolled over on top of her in the snow, propping myself with my hands, looking down into her hysterical beaming face.

She looked up at me, and her beautiful face let out another cackle. "Real laugh!" She cried, and it was contagious, and I broke down with her. The high of the ride was something that's hard to explain without trying it. It was that fun.

"Let's do it again!" Bella cried, wiggling out from underneath me and grabbing for the sled.

I followed her in, avoiding Em and Rose as they came crashing down the stairs.

When we got inside, Carlisle was standing at the top of the steps. It was quiet.

Bella and I walked up slowly, and eventually met him at the top. "Sorry, we're being loud," I apologized to his blank eyes. "We'll keep it down."

Then Carlisle's hand reached out for Bella who was holding the sled. "May I?" He asked, cracking a hint of a smile.

Bella looked to him curiously at first, but something in his eyes made her crack a smile to. "Of course," she nodded.

"Ride with me Edward?" Carlisle asked, taking the sled from Bella's hands.

"Yeah," I grinned widely. "Heck yeah."

"I'll go make sure Emmett and Rosalie are clear!" Bella cried as she skipped down the steps, leaving me alone with my dad.

I got in front of the orange plastic speed machine as I called it as a kid, and Carlisle crawled in behind me. "I'm applying to med school," I said, with my back turned to him. I don't know why? But I wanted to tell him then and there.

Carlisle didn't answer right away, but when he did his voice sounded a little broken. "That's good news Edward," he said proudly. "That is very good news."

"I'm thinking somewhere on the west coast too. Maybe Seattle?"

"I think Seattle is a great idea. Thank you Edward," he said, and I could tell he was a little choked up. My news had made him happy, truly happy.

I decided to keep it light. "No thank you," I said with a laugh, "In advance…because you're paying for it," I smirked.

"Very funny," Carlisle laughed back. "Now hold on!" he cried, and before I knew it we were flying down the steps together, just like when I was a kid.

As Carlisle and I fell into the snow, I decided Christmas at the Cullen house had been salvaged, even though Mom wasn't there. Of course we would try again next year, and the year after that, and probably every year until the day she died. We would do it, because we were her family, and that's what you do.

But as I saw him get up and run for the door with Emmett to make another run, I hoped my father would move on. I hoped he would find happiness, real happiness like what I had with Bella with someone else. Someone healthy, someone who would show up for him, someone who could be his partner for stair sledding. He wasn't dead yet, there was still life left inside of him. Carlisle needed someone to bring him to life like Bella brought me to life.

I didn't even realize how dead I was until she showed me what it meant to really live. Living is nothing without loving…that's the biggest lesson she taught me. And my ability to love wasn't only reserved for her. I learned to love my dad, and my brother, and even Rosalie Hale, because I knew she would love Bella and they would be friends.

I imagined us really old and in Florida or something, and they would be cackling about bad fish and some teenage girl with not enough clothing on. Those thoughts made me happy because I knew that Emmett and I were going to be brothers, real brothers, and we would do something as perfectly normal as getting a house together in Florida to go to when we got old, and taking our women out shopping for brightly colored hats and Metamucil.

The idea of getting old, of not being a good looking twenty one year old kid didn't even scare me anymore. I was actually sort of curious to see what my future would be. And I knew Bella would be there. She promised.

Caught in the reverie, Bella tackled me into the snow. "I'm madly in love with you Edward Cullen," she cried, smashing snow into my face, her words the topper on a day that I would remember for the rest of my life.

I rolled on top of her, taking a picture of her face in that moment for memory. _So beautiful._

"And I'm madly in love with you Bella Swan," I smiled, dropping a kiss on her lips.

Then Bella broke free from me once again, and ran towards the house to watch Emmett go down with Carlisle…backwards…and I followed her.

Wherever Bella Swan went, I would always follow…

**The End. **


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